2 Listening Mistakes By Women
That Cause The Loss Of Desire In Him  

By Ange Fonce

Your partner has not been very talkative lately... he is not calling or texting you much... either... is he angry with you and not admitting it... distracted by another woman... is he falling out of love with you?

If you sense a coldness or distance from your partner that is affecting your “romantic life”... it is likely that it has something to do with the way both of you are “speaking” and “listening” to each other... in other words... there is an energetic "block" in one of the most important aspects of your relationship... and it is putting a damper on the "passion"....  there is a way to get the energy flowing again and bring the "closeness" and "physical intimacy" back.

Imagine this all too common scenario...

You and your partner are in the car on your way to dinner... you are telling him about something that happened between you and a co worker that day... your partner is keeping his eye on the road... and is not saying much... you are “wondering” what he is “thinking” about what you just told him...  does he think you were wrong in the way you reacted to your co worker? 

So you ask him.

"You think I handled that okay?"

He sighs and shrugs... then replies... "probably"... without offering any further explanation.

Your mind races to what he could have found wrong in what you said... you begin “justifying” your actions with the co worker in your “mind”... and even start to question your own “judgement”... you “assumed” he was going to agree with you... so you find yourself “feeling hurt” and “misunderstood” because he was not more “emphatic” with his support... and you do not say so... in fact you just sit there stewing... the entire drive to the restaurant.

Your “intention” earlier that evening was to have a nice “romantic dinner” yet the evening does not go according to your “expectations”... you feel tense throughout the meal and the conversation is stifled... later at home you turn in early... claiming exhaustion... while your partner catches up on email.

You lay in bed alone... wondering where the “passion” and “romance” has gone... you are deeply saddened by the idea that he does not seem to “adore” you as much as he used to... and does not “desire” you as much either.

Why Desire Fades In Relationships... 

Your partners “silence” is not a sign of wavering love... there is something else going on... if you have become “annoyed” at your partner for how long it takes him to respond... or how little he has to say...  it is probably because you are not “considering” a “critical difference” between men and women.

Men and women have “distinctly different styles of speaking and listening”... that is how it is and the way we as humans have evolved...  most of us do not take the time to “consider how our partners communication style” and “personality” may be different than... or clash with ours.

It becomes a problem when you let it get in the way of “expressing” and “feeling passion” and “affection” for each other... when a “misunderstanding” becomes “resentment” or “anger”... it actually "blocks" you from experiencing the “natural flow” of “sexual energy” between you... in my practice... here are the two most “common mistakes” I see women making when it comes to the way they “listen to their partner.”

Mistake 1... You interpret his silence as a lack of affection...

In hunter gatherer times... men had to be "silent" and "focused" while they observed... stalked and hunted prey... women on the other hand... would go gathering in groups and it was advantageous to be talkative since the chatter scared predators away... men therefore "evolved to speak in short bursts"... they tend to pick the least amount of words to express what they are “thinking” and “feeling” at the time... sometimes they are not sure what they are “feeling”... and if that is the case,...they will not attempt to elaborate until they “can figure it out.”

When your partner is being quiet... it does not necessarily mean that he has lost interest in you... it could mean that he is “solving a problem” or simply “chilling out”...  if you interpret that he is “withdrawing his affection”... you may tend to “react” in ways that might “turn him off”... you will “withdraw” in return... criticize him... or act angry or annoyed... just like in the imaginary scenario above.

All of which does nothing to “spark a passion” between you.

Mistake 2... You listen to evaluate... rather than appreciate...

When women relay “information”... they often use “rich metaphors” and “associations” to make their point... a woman might compliment a mans choice of new sunglasses by saying... 

"When you wear those sunglasses... it makes me think you are some exotic pilot whose about to go on a secret mission... and I just feel a little thrill inside."

Men, on the other hand... tend to “communicate in chunks”... he might look at you in your new... expensive dress and say... 

"You look nice."

Instead of “appreciating him” for giving you a “compliment”... you are disappointed that he is not more “romantic” or “elaborate” with his words... women “assume” that men ought to be able to “communicate” in the same rich style that women do... this becomes a problem when you “mistake” those short phrases as a lack of “expression of love”... you “think” if men are not giving you lots of flowery sentences... they do not love you.

In fact... men are doing their best based on their “natural communication style”... when you “listen” to your partners words with an “ear of judgement”... it really makes him shrink up and not want to reach out... he “senses your tension” and he clams up even more... he begins to wonder if he can ever please you... and later... he may not “initiate physical intimacy” or any kind of "intimacy"  for fear that you will turn away.

Reignite The Passion...

When you “commit” to a “new style of communication”... you open up to having more “passion” and increased ”romance” with your partner... it does not take long to start seeing results in the way you and he "feel about each other"... in order to get the flow of “good feelings” flowing again between you and your partner... you have to remove any blocks that are stifling that flow.

Communication is just "one of five key relationship areas" where flow gets blocked and causes “passion” to slowly wither and die... the mistakes I mentioned in this article are just a small sample of several kinds of “simple misunderstandings” that can affect “good communication” in couples.

You do not have to let the way you speak or listen get in the way of a “passion” time in the “relationship” with your partner... there need not be any resentment... bad feelings... or boredom because of something that is so easily fixed.

Both men and women make the most "destructive mistakes" when it comes to speaking and listening to their partner and there are “real world solutions” for eliminating those mistakes... because there are “practices” that will open up the "flow of communication" again... and allow both of you to “feel” more “connected” and therefore more “passionate” with each other.

You can “learn techniques in speaking” and “listening” that will make him “feel relaxed” and “confident”... and wanting to “ravish” you with “attention” and “affection”... the “love” and “adoration” will come “naturally”... and “desire” will follow.

If the problem between you and your partner is more than just the occasional "silent treatment" and also involves "constantly bickering"... "finger pointing" and "criticism"... there Is a much more “serious issue” going on... sometimes there is such “resentment” and “anger” between you that you simply must stop and address the “deeper underlying issues” that are causing such a “disconnect”... and if you are having “problems” in your relationship and would like help... you can Contact me.

Better communication is one way to "increase passion" and get the flow of "good feelings" going again.

As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

Yours Sincerely

Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and International Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Psycho Dynamic Counsellor who works with men... and women who desire to develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers from around the World!

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