5 Simple Ways To Improve Your Intimate Relationship 

By Ange Fonce

All relationships have problems... and all relationships require work to keep them healthy... in this article I share some of the most common concerns that can sabotage your “intimate relationship"... along with some successful strategies that can improve the “loving health” of your relationship.

1... Technology...

Even though technology helps in keeping you connected in your relationships... it can also drive you apart.... because not only does it “siphon off energy” from your relationship... it is also an easy exit for partners who tend to avoid conflict... tension... or stress in their lives. 

Instead of tuning into each other... you turn to your devices and escape into cyberspace... avoiding contact and shared intimacy with your partner.

For example... turning to internet porn for sexual relief... instead of sharing sex and intimacy with your “real life” partner.

Strategies... 

Designate technology "free zones" in the house and technology "free times"... in your relationship. 

For instance... you might decide that the dinner table and evening hours are off limits... it also helps to figure out "why" you use technology... just because it is there does not mean you “have” to be using it. 

If you are stressed or there is tension in your relationship...  imagine reaching out to your partner to connect... to work through issues or get support... instead of using your device as a “surrogate partner.”

2... Extended family...

Becoming a family with your partner is a big transition... it shifts your priorities and the “extended family” can be a real “asset”... or can produce "real conflict"... within your own relationship.  

For instance... your husband might think you spend too much time with your mum... or your wife might think you are constantly helping out your parents and neglecting your home.

Strategies... 

First... you want to identify that this is an issue for your relationship... when you are talking... instead of blaming each other... admit that you are feeling disconnected or left out... focus on what adjustments you can make. 

Maybe Fridays will become your “our night”... were you are your partner go out... maybe your husband will tell his parents that he will only make a couple of repairs per month.... or your wife agrees to visit mother once a week... instead of constantly rushing of to mother.

You may have to be "assertive" with your family in preserving these boundaries... while it might be tough at first... remember the cost of not following through... your own relationship will suffer.

The changes you negotiate do matter... what matters even more...is that you are being heard... listened too... understood... and your needs “respected” and responded to.

3... Finances...

Money is a constant  “hot button” topic in most relationships... and many times... couples simply avoid talking about finances... until something “critical” happens and provokes a full blown “crisis!” 

The emotions tied to money often run so deep that couples are reluctant to broach the topic at all... and in the rocky economies and job market of modern living... couples are facing the strain and stress of unemployment... debt... and restricted budgets more frequently than ever.

Strategies... 

First... create a list of three or four financial goals on your own... your list might include everything from swiftly paying off loans to saving for a house. 

After you are done as individuals... compare each others notes. 

The couples I have worked with are often surprised at how many of their goals line up... or how willing they are to adopt each others goals... then together create a list of your "5 top joint goals."

Also important is to set and stick to a budget for you both....  living within your means does not only help with your finances... it is also a great way to build trust. 

It sends the message that you can be counted on... and that you are following through with agreed upon goals.

Finally... be honest with each other about your finances... such as any debt.

4... Work...

Work becomes a problem when one partner is married to their job and it seems to be a more common concern today... that is because work is taking on a larger role in our lives... and many have little choice over working longer hours and having extra responsibilities... because of the reasons I shared above. 

Also... both men and women can find a greater sense of  “belonging” with their co workers... then within their relationship and families. 

Strategies... 

It is important to agree that your relationship is taking a hit because of work. 

This might seem obvious to one member of the relationship... yet the other partner might not see a problem... they may think that the relationship does not need to adjust... if you are not on the same page and agreeing that work has become a problem for the relationship...  naturally... it is that much harder to find solutions.

When voicing your concerns... instead of blaming or attacking your partner.... acknowledge that you miss them and your time together... the obvious solution is to work less... for instance... if you work 12 hours... can you work nine or 10 hours instead?

If you cannot work less hours... then think about “priorities” in how you share your time when not working... small changes can still make a big difference. 

If you work long days... take a few minutes out of your lunch break to chat over the phone... this gives you a moment of "connection" in an otherwise disconnected day. 

Create rituals together... for instance... every Saturday morning, eat breakfast together and take a walk.

Work is often see as the problem... when really the issue is about “time management”... and setting “priorities”... because many couples forget to set aside “our time” in their busy and hectic lives.

It has to be “our time” first... as number one priority... then everything else.

5... Emotional affairs...

Many people have close friendships with the opposite sex... what distinguishes a close friendship from an emotional affair is that a good friend is also a friend of your romantic relationship. 

Emotional affairs usually have a divide from your intimate relationship... there is some secrecy or withholding of information. 

For instance... you avoid telling your partner that you regularly have lunch with your friend... or you are regularly talking to them via the internet or mobile phone... and usually your “friend” is a member of the other sex... who is “understanding you”... and  you commiserate about each others relationships.

And what is often the “outcome” of such “emotional intimacy”... the next step... a full blown “sexual and intimate” affair... which you current partner is totally unaware off.

Strategies... 

The key is to be honest and “authentic”... with yourself,and reflect on your relationship... ask yourself whether this person is truly a friend of your primary relationship?
 
Do you withhold information from your partner? 

Do you dislike your friend and partner being in the same room? 

Do you feel like you cannot disclose the details of your conversations to your partner? 

Are you telling this person intimate thoughts and feelings? 

Why can you not share this with your spouse? 

Are you more excited to see your friend than your partner? 

How do you feel when you are around them?

If it might be an emotional affair... you do not have to cut all ties... yet you do need to create boundaries... you need to start switching where your emotional energy is being invested. 

For instance... 

You spend less time with this person... eat lunch with others... and avoid intimate talks... which you save for your spouse... and share with them... when carefully and thoughtfully done... talking to your partner about the situation can help... and beforehand, consider your goals for the discussion. 

Is your goal to go to therapy to salvage your relationship? 

Is it to confess and reconnect? 

Is it to incite jealousy?

For instance... 

You might say that you are spending more time with this friend and sharing information about your day... you might mention that this has been bothering you... and you would rather be close to your partner... then you can discuss solutions.

The "key" to any successful relationship is open... honest... sincere and truthful communication.

Both talking... sharing and listening... working together as a team to build "trust" for the benefit of both.

Can you think of any more ways to help improve “personal intimate relationships?”

Let me know...

As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are truly Passionate and DYNAMIC Lovers!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

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