Relationship Values Do You Know What Are Each Others Needs Are? 

By Ange Fonce

Give this article some “thought” as you read through it today... and I would suggest you read with a pen and paper handy to take "notes"... so let us start with some critical questions?

When you are in a relationship... what is it you want?

What are your needs?

Why are you in or why do you want to be in a relationship instead of being single or courting?

What are you desiring to “get out of it"... being in a relationship?”

If you are not sure how to answer this questions... then “read on”... as I have just the thing to help you with your thoughts...

Now... imagine how every single person in the world answers those questions differently… and imagine that your answers today are very different than they would have been ten years ago or even one year ago.

Our needs change... we mature... we accomplish... we have new hungers and desires... and first knowing WHAT you want from your relationship right now is the first step in getting more of it... and  “knowing” what your partner wants is the second step to “co creating” a partnership where each is “extraordinarily motivated" to give the other what they desire... that is the beginning to building “real intimacy” and "deep amour!"

Once you begin getting up everyday and giving your partner what they want and them giving you what you want... it begins to make your relationship feel very rewarding... very satisfying... and really... WHAT could you or your partner ask for that you would not be willing to give to each other?  

You are more than likely reading this article because you likely want to give your partner the “best of you” and being the “best” for yourself... so being clear and honest with yourself and your partner about each others needs builds an amazing foundation to develop more love... affection... appreciation... respect... sincere communication and intimacy.

How Do You Figure Out What Your Values Are...? 

Values are things like freedom... security... family focus... faith... humour... passion... honesty…

To make it easy for you to “think about” what your needs are... what you most “value” and “desire” as the result of being in a relationship... I will give you an example to help you start off with... 

What many men say their “top 5” needs are when in a relationship... in descending order of importance... his needs...

1 Sexual Fulfilment

2 Recreational Companionship

3 A Partner Who Takes Care of Her Looks

4 Peace and Quiet In Your Home

5 Admiration From Your Woman

What many women say their “top 5” needs are when in a relationship... in descending order of importance... her needs...

1 Affection

2 Intimate Conversation

3 Honesty... Openness and Trust

4 Financial Security

5 Commitment to Family

This is a generalized list that can help you begin to understand how to fulfil each others needs... you might have some of these needs on your list or have an entirely different list of values and needs that work for you.

Each of us desires a uniquely personal set of attributes to feel satisfied... happy and content... whether you are married or not... you both need to get your needs met... this is “valuable information” even if you are “courting”... because it will show you what your “potential partner” is seeking as they assess your character in considering you and why what you NEED is okay to ask for.

If you are trying to move your partnership toward  more “physical intimacy” with you... "knowing” and "understanding" what is most "important" to them in your relationship and giving he or she what she wants will result in you getting more of what you want.

How Do Your Values And Needs Compare To Each Other...?

I am going to show you how to come up with your Relationship Values and how to talk to him or her about it and do this exercise together with your partner... and I guarantee... the reasons will be different... you may have some "values" that overlap... yet most likely your lists are different... why do you want to do this... talk about your needs?

First... because it gives you an “opportunity” to let him or her “know” how important sex... sensuality... touch... intimacy... passion... and affection are to you as well as any other things you are not getting that you long for and desire.

Secondly... Relationship Values are like important... especially to women and women love to TALK about relationships... so as a man having her talk to you about your relationship will be exciting conversation for her... and you will learn a lot of “valuable intelligence” about her as well as having an “opportunity” to share your own “values!"

When you listen attentively... keep good “eye contact” with each and seek to “understand” what each other are saying... it will help bring you closer together and “feel” close to each other.

Here is an example of Relationship Values... I helped a couple work through...

Her... Lauren...

A... Security

B... Freedom

C... Honesty

D... Variety

Lauren wants her man to take care of her... financially... emotionally and sexually... she wants some freedom to do things that her more introverted... home body partner Robert may not want to do with her.

She wants total honesty from her partner... no bullshit...  total truth no matter how hard it hurts to say the truth... and she wants variety... including sexual variety... routines makes her crazy... she likes to learn new things and do new things.

Him... Robert...

A... Passion

B... Honesty

C... Growth

D... Fun & Adventure

Robert wants passion... he likes to touch and be touched... he likes a lot of lovemaking and to try new positions and things... he needs Lauren to keep her attention on him getting that sexual attention.

He prefers total honesty and needs it to feel like he is safe in his relationship... he wants growth... he likes Lauren to push  him because she knows what he is capable of... and he like fun and adventure. 

Being an  introvert... he loves Lauren to come up with fun things for them to do... which is a good fit for her being more of an extrovert...  because she likes variety and freedom.

Before Robert and Lauren knew what their Relationship Values were... Robert kept pushing Lauren for sex and she kept resisting... until she understood "passion" was the number 1 reason Robert was even in a relationship she just thought he was annoying and "needy."

Then she realized... 

"Yes... Robert needs my touch... my loving... my attention... when I wear lingerie... when I stroke his hair... when I walk around naked a few extra minutes so he can see my nude body...  when I kiss him a lot... he is so much happier!"

She finally understood it was not always intercourse he desired... that it was "physical affection" of all varieties.

This is one example of how Relationship Values can get you both a level set of what will truly bring joy to you both.

Here Is How To Do This...

Make sure you put time aside for you both... were you are not going to be interrupted and explain it to him or her that you want to begin to explore his or her  Relationship Values.... 

Make lists of many values for consideration... you create from your own personal wisdom and desire... then rank them in order of importance to you

Would you be in a relationship if you could not get X... how about Y?

What could you NOT LIVE WITHOUT?

Would you leave if you could not get this?

For Laurie... she cannot be in a  marriage if her man cannot provide a secure home and loyalty... she would rather go it alone.

For Robert... if he cannot get that touch he craves... he would rather go it alone.

Get really clear on what a particular word means to your partner... do not assume you know... ask... probe... listen... it can be a conversation you can both enjoy and she will love this conversation... and you both can gain a “deeper understand” of each other “values” and “needs” and a single evening can be a point in time when your relationship starting getting better... more passionate... more aligned.

Even if you do not talk to each other about “sex” directly... you can both talk about your VALUES and needs... and that will most likely include “sex!”

The whole notion of Relationship Values is to awakening and become "aware" of each others “needs”... each others “sensuality”... “romancing styles... each others “heart” and “mind” and are the kind of thing that makes him or her love you... want you and get close to you more... because you have a greater "understanding" of who each other is.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes and if something in this is unclear... ask me.

As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are truly Passionate and DYNAMIC Lovers!

Yours Sincerely


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