The Dynamics Of Being the Dominant Lover
In A Dominant... Submissive Relationship 

By Ange Fonce

Now before I go into the dynamics of a Dominant... Submissive relationship... there is something I want to state clearly... there is a HUGE difference between Dominance and “domineering” as this is often were the confusion about Dominant... Submissive relationships occur... Dominance is about “power” in an “empowering” way... “domineering” is also about power in an “abusive” way.

The “power dynamics” in a Dominant... Submissive relationship are deeply loving and very intimate...  and very TRUSTING... there is an “equality of respect” between the "dynamics" of the Dominant and the Submissive.

While the “power dynamics” in a “domineering relationship” are about control... abuse and the subservience of one to the other... there is no “equality”... there is no “respect”... it is about the “abusive control” of one over the other... it is about “enslavement”... not to be confused with Submission.

Like most relationships in life... the basis for a “loving” Dominant... Submissive relationship is a solid foundation of TRUST...  if the foundation of TRUST is inadequate... like any relationship... the structure will eventually crumble.

The Confident Dynamic Dominant will be the pillar of “trustable strength” in the Dominant... Submissive relationship... for the Submissive needs to "feel" and "experience" that “deep trustable strength” to “surrender” to Submissiveness.

Usually it is the woman who “surrenders” into the role of the Submissive... and I give a word of warning here...

DO NOT MISTAKE Dominance for domineering.

A "domineering" man will be putting you at risk... both emotionally... physically... and mentally... and women often get them selves involved with the “bad boy” types because they display some Masculine traits of Dominance... when in reality... such “bad boy” personality types... are “arrogant”... self serving... narcissistic... selfish and abusing".... you are there to serve their needs and nothing else... the very nature of a Dominant... Submissive relationship enables “domineering” men to masquerade as Dominants... when in fact it allows them to feel powerful by the “active abuse” of their partner... eventually their submissive will realize that they are not being fed... respected... nurtured or “empowered” by this person... in a “loving dynamic” way... in fact it is the complete opposite... they are being “actively abused” and will want out of the relationship all together.

The Essence Of Masculine Dominance...

A Dominant Is A Leader...

Due to the "severe consequences" of the misuse of power... both Dominants and Submissives should have “respect” of power...  a Dominant is empowered by his submissive... and in turn a Submissive is empowered by her Dominant...  the power that he reins can be like a “addictive drug” to a “domineering person”... while a Dominant Man is “aware”  of the “responsibility” of GREAT TRUST his Submissive places in him.

A Dominant can be described in many ways... let us look at some "important attributes" that you could expect to find in a Dominant...   we will also explore some of the “subtle” and “significant” differences in the “dynamics” between a Dominant Man and a "domineering" man.

A Dominant Man Is A Leader That Serves First And Foremost...

A Dominant is one who "mentors" others and leads through "education" and "guidance"...  great leaders create an “environment of service”... that will “empower” others to "grow" and "excel"...  they are always building others up... not tearing them down...  a leader is Dynamically Confident Man... both personally and sexually... and is the Master of himself... or herself.... yes... a woman can be Dominant too...  it is important that a leader maintains "consistency" in everything he does...  a leader should always have a plan or a purpose for his actions... for his service in leading others...  a “dynamic leader” is someone that others “trust” and CHOOSE to serve.... not someone that others have to follow... and be subservient and enslaved to.

A domineering man often exercises arbitrary and overbearing control over others...

This type of person likes to control people... or situations for the sole purpose of being in control and for the “selfish” empowerment of themselves... who will not tolerate any questioning of his authority.  

A domineering person gets a rush from controlling other people...  they destroy the spirit of others...  this person may want you to do things that you are not comfortable doing and pressure you by saying that they know best and that they are only pushing your limits...  they may not respect their own rules... limits or contracts... again stating that they know best... in their own “arrogance.” 

And when it comes to sex... often domineering people may also disregard a previously agreed to “safe word” or exclaim that no such mechanism is required...  they do not care about you or “respect” you... they only want their own “selfish needs” meet... there can never be enough said regarding a person that fails to respect a safe word or questions whether a safe word is necessary.

A Dominant Person Is Always Accountable... And Takes Responsibility For Their Actions...

A Dominant gathers all available information and makes sound decisions...  sometimes his decisions are in error.. or need to be adjusted....  the Dominant is "responsible for his actions" and will own his "mistakes."

A domineering man never admits... or takes responsibility for his mistakes... 

This type of person seldom apologizes and does not take any personal responsibility for their actions...  if they do apologize it is usually condescending and insincere in nature...  they will blame their mistakes on others and usually start an argument with the other person to avoid conversation...  they will often blame the submissive by telling them that they are not good enough or not a true submissive... instead of “actively empowering” their submissive... they “actively abuse” and "degrade" them.

A Dominant Man Serves His Submissive Needs Ahead Of His Own...

A Dominant “knows” and “understands”... that he must first “nourish” and “feed” his Submissive “mind... emotions and body” before feeding himself...  a “happy... healthy... adored Submissive” is "nourishment" enough for a Dominant...  he is not fed alone by his “enjoyment” of her “physical pleasure” for himself... rather he is fed by the pleasure that he “enjoys” ALL what his Submissive brings of herself to him... and by what he “gives and shares” with his Submissive.  

After all of his Submissive needs have been met... and only after... the Dominant can consider his own needs.

It is the Great Leader who feeds his people first... then will only feed himself... and in turn his people will “feed” him... it is a “symbiotic relationship of sharing."

A domineering man is a selfish person...

This type of person tends to always be asking... 

“What is in it for me?”  

They tend to be “self serving” and are not concerned about what is in the “best interest” of their submissive... they rather “focus” on what satisfaction they can receive from their own actions... this type of person will put his feelings and needs above that of his submissive... in other words it is all about them... feeding their “narcissism”...  this will leave the “mental... emotional and physical needs” of their submissive unmet... and unfulfilled.

A Dominant Man Communicates Effectively... Verbally And Non Verbally... His Intentions...

A good “communicator” is "clear" and "concise" and realizes that “communication” is a skill of more than just spoken words...  "communication" consists of many different facets including "words... tone... inference... influence... persuasiveness"... as well as the  "non verbal communication" of the "emotions" and the "physical physiology" of the body...  in other words a Masculine Dominant Man is Emotionally Intelligent... a Dominant would never speak down to his Submissive... he “cherishes” her.  

It is important that the Dominant can create an “environment” in which his Submissive can feel “heard... appreciated and understood”...  this is an often overlooked... and highly important key to “effective communication.”  

When asked about “effective communication” most people only think of how they can effectively communicate their “own point of view”... when in fact... to “truly communicate” you need to “actively listen.”  

Remember... there is no “communication” happening when one person is yelling... blaming and abusing the other.

A domineering person fails to properly communicate...

This type of person seldom solicits input... or listens to suggestions from others... especially from their submissive...  they also fail to explain themselves or their point of view...  they will often become angry or agitated when asked about their decisions...  a domineering person is always threatening to get his way... sometimes and worse still “physically abusing” their submissive to impose their way... they will constantly “threaten” to withdraw all together and usually telling his submissive that it is their fault... how can a submissive ever feel “safe” and “trust” to fully express her “love”... when treated in such an “abusive manner.”

A Masculine Dominant Is A Genuine Man Of Authenticity... Integrity... And Authority...

A Dominant is not only a sincere leader... he is also a true gentleman...  he would display impeccable manners... manners that in these modern times would appear to come from another era.  

Not just please and thank you... more refined manners such as opening doors... rising from the table to greet someone or rising from the table when a lady excuses herself and later returns... or simply pulling a chair out for a lady...   a Masculine Dominant would also possess "compassion" and "empathy" toward others... in other words... a Masculine Dominant... is Emotional Intelligent!

A Dominant takes pride in himself... from his appearance to his actions...  a well dressed and well groomed man conveys Confidence and “maturity”... his is DYNAMIC is his Masculine Presence.

And to close this article... I will use the words of a Submissive rich in her Feminine Energy... about her Masculine Dominant Man...

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot... that brings my femininity ruthlessly alive for me to explore... I trust in him leading me." 

This may indeed be a commonly held feeling of many a Submissive... and to “think” that one can have a successful Dominant... Submissive relationship as a Submissive while abdicating all responsibility for taking the lead at times is an illusion... because really it is a “dynamic relationship” of “equals”... where both “serve” and “lead” the other... in the Masculine... Feminine Dynamic... to  “intimately” open in deep TRUST to each other.

The Dominant... Submissive relationship... has often set me to thinking more deeply about the ways in which a Submissive at times serves their Dominant through "artful" and "subtle leadership"... once again it pointed out to me how a Submissive is not a dish rag to be abused... that it is simply accepting “direction" and "command”... and a partner in “intimacy” who expresses “her love” and “devotion” through “service”... and yes... often at times through “leadership.”

And that the Dominant... Submissive relationship goes to the very core of the “dynamic intimate symbiance” of the “love dynamics”... between the Masculine and the Feminine polarity.

And nothing is more Beautiful... Sexual and Powerful then a Feminine Woman who has opened and surrendered herself to a Masculine Dominant Lover.

For that to happen a man has to TRUST in the "essence" of his own Dynamic Masculine Essence... that he as a Man... is the “creator” of his own “environment”... to "serve" and "lead" the Feminine... and not allow himself to be “bent out of shape” by the rising tide of “political correctness” from metro man... that is really disguised "domineering" of women...and the distorted and destructive polemic view of Masculinity by the feminists... who constantly confuse the essence of Masculinity with "domineering patriarchy"... and want to create their own concept "maleness" by producing “femen!”

After all is there not a constant rising cry from more and more women these days... 

“Where are the Masculine Men?”

As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are truly Passionate and DYNAMIC Lovers!

Yours Sincerely



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