Submissive Sex - Surrendering to be "RAVISHED!"

Please be Aware this article contains content of an "Intimate" nature.

One of the most erotically powerful things you can do to turn on your lover is to become good at being sexually submissive.

Most people have some psychological blocks to both being dominant and submissive, and depending on who you are, one usually seems much more difficult for you than the other.

But if you cannot do both, you are cheating your lover out of a lot of fun.

“Submission” has a negative spin on it for most people.

For men, the idea of being submissive feels like “losing."

The winner dominated, the loser submitted.

Or it feels like being weak, and letting someone boss you around.

For women, the idea of being submissive might feel like “admitting men are better than women,” or not having the self-respect of a modern woman.

As with men, it feels like you are being weak.

But there are ways in which submitting is noble, highly desirable and EMPOWERING!.

It is only fear and insecurity that keeps men and women from submitting to love in it's fullest intimacy.

Can you surrender to be a sexual submissive?
Both men and women can learn to act submissively, this is called role playing or bottoming, where a man or woman who may not be submissive all the time, will act in a submissive manner, to a certain Dominant, for an agreed amount of time in a play session.

There are many people who do just that, sexual masochists often fall into this category.

A masochist is not always submissive but will act submissively in order to get the play he or she craves. 
Some men and women are natural submissive or true submissives, these people do not learn to act in a submissive manner, they simply ARE submissive. 

Many women find it easy to submit because it is a need deep within her, not for any other reason.

What is being sexually  submissive?

Being sexually submissive is either the man or woman who makes a conscious choice to give up some or all control of his or her sexuality and totally surrendering to the other.

The Dominant Lover.

Dominance and submission is about a power exchange between two consenting adults. 

It is about the control within the dynamics of that relationship, whether it be a full time 24/7 relationship, or a casual meeting, or a part time arrangement.

Choosing to be submissive means to allow someone else to control your body and behaviour within the preset limits you and that particular person, ie the Dominant, have agreed upon.  

Submission is not a sign of weakness, some of the most successful and strongest people are true submissives.

Submission is not about passiveness, it is not about being a doormat - most submissives are intelligent and well balanced people just fulfilling their basic desires to submit and to give up control.

Submission is not about kinky sex and whips and chains – though those things can and do play a part in such love making. 

It is much deeper than that, and comes from the heart of intimacy.

Submission is a choice, and a wonderful gift to the Dominant – it should never be entered into lightly, even in a casual relationship.

There must be "RESPECT" there for both lovers in the partnership!

What does a submissive usually do?

A submissive does whatever his or her Dominant requires of them, within the boundaries already agreed upon by both parties in the relationship.

She serves Him in whatever manner He desires, for His pleasure and His comfort and visa - versa.

He serves Her in what ever manner She desires, for Her pleasure and Her comfort.

Of course the most common perception of "submission" is that it is about kinky sex, and being tied up and whipped! 

In reality, it is not necessarily that way at all.

However, having said that – serving the Dominant sexually can and does happen, depending again on the boundaries agreed upon.

Being there for His or Her pleasure, to surrender and be ravished is what is important. 

He or She may wish to flog, spank, whip or cane the submissive, or perhaps indulge in medical play, or bondage, any number of activities, whenever and however He or She desires.
Are there different types of submissives?
The simple answer is yes, though all have one main thing in common and that is the need to give control to someone else.  

There is enjoyment of the feelings that come from the power exchange, no matter what form it takes, from physical play sessions to a request to serve tea to the Dominant, and anything in between.
There are various ways of describing each type of submissive.
The psychological submissive gets their reward from the physical act of submission, and can often have masochistic tendencies, liking harder play than most. 

This submissive is into it for the pain and humiliation and often sees these activities as a punishment, which gives them the release they crave.

Quite often a psychological submissive is only a part time player.
The sexual submissive and their sexual needs are fulfilled by the consequences of their submission, in other words the sexual satisfaction or gratification they feel from submitting to a Dominant. 

Sometimes it can be a release from guilty feelings that they like these activities, sometimes they just simply crave the massive endorphin rush and once it has passed, they feel no need to continue to be submissive.
The natural sexual submissive is also known as the true submissive and usually has slavish tendencies. 

Their submission goes way beyond the sexual side of things and is more a part of their intrinsic personality. 

Their deep need is to relinquish control, and to please the Dominant in all ways, and their fulfilment is the very act of submission in all forms.

In the case of being sexually submissive, it is about setting the up the sexual polarity, the erotic charge, that is fuelled by dominance and submission.

Submissive Love making. Setting the "Boundaries."

The example of “leading” and “following” in sex is used all the time, and I will use it here.

If both lovers in a couple decide to lead, then it just turns into a weird power struggle that involves getting your feelings stepped on a lot and the result is often really "lame" sex..

If both lovers decide to follow, then either nothing happens at all, or you each just love in your own space near each other, not doing much of anything, again the result is "lame" sex.

As most women know, learning to follow a lead is HARD, and it requires a lot of focus and attention.

The same is true of sexual submission.

It is NOT laying there like a star fish.

Sexual submission is active receiving and enjoyment of the sexual polarity and tension, between the submissive and the Dominant.

Your sexual wiring contains all sorts of primitive switches that are triggered around being dominated or even humiliated. 

Things that are delicious to the erotic brain often have no place outside of the bedroom in our ordinary brain.

That is okay.

It turns out that survival and procreation, the two most essential activities of living organisms, have completely separate mental and emotional spaces from the rest of our lives. 

What is appropriate on the battlefield and in the bedroom have no place in our ordinary lives.

Accept that fact and you get to enjoy entire worlds of pleasure that are closed to you if you insist on pretending that bedroom rules need to look like office rules or social rules.

Submissiveness is a powerful cocktail of emotions that range from awe and appreciation on the sweet side, to fear and humiliation on the spicy side. 

In the safe container of sexual play with your consensual partner, they are all welcome.

If a woman pushes you onto the bed, tells you that you are not allowed to move, and then does a maddeningly erotic dance over you, then as a man you can submit by being awed and following orders and feeding her erotic energy with your lust.

If a man holds down your wrists, you can struggle just hard enough to feel his strength without escaping, you can feed on the erotic charge of being powerless and letting that erotic feeling fuel his masculinity and desire.

It is an exchange of energies that spiral upwards in greater and greater erotic turn-on.

Try any of these out and see what happens...

Whisper: “I’m so turned on right now that you’re scaring me a little”

Tell your lover to pull your hair

Plead for what you really want, e.g., “Please, I need you to fuck me now”

Work on your acting skills: Say “no,” when you really mean YES!

Work on your telepathy skills: Say, “Please, stop, I can’t take any more,” and psychically beam into your lover’s head, “if you stop now I’ll die”.  

Or just say both until they get it.

Struggle just a little bit to get away.  

If your partner plays along, you can struggle a little bit harder.  

Or just tell them what you are up to and that you want to be held down.

Surrender into "intimacy" by showing "trust" to be RAVISHED!

Let your partner tie you down and do whatever they want to you. 

Important: Have a “safe word” that you agree means “seriously stop right now.”

In general men are more comfortable in the sexually dominant role, and generally for heterosexual couples, keeping the man more frequently in the dominant role works well, because being dominant is a masculine characteristic and it reinforces the couple’s natural state of biological attraction.

But just as women can enjoy watching football and men can enjoy smelling a bouquet of flowers, there is nothing wrong with playing in both spaces, and plenty of opportunities for pleasure will be missed if you cannot play both sides.

Plus, if you are currently intimidated or feel weird about playing with dominance or submission, then beginning to play these games will break down fears and insecurities that will grow you as a person in all aspects of your life.

I have included links below to other articles that will help you to "enrich" your surrendering and ravishing intimate love making.

As always leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love, Passion and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce


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