The Dynamic Express Magazine

Back in the years,when I was studying for My Youth work degree, one of the years a policy of prohibition was introduced. 

No alcohol was going to be allowed on campus. 

The reason behind the decision was that a number of students were having problems with alcohol. 

They could not resist the temptation to drink it in excessive amounts. 

The policy was not meant to punish students from enjoying a beer or a glass of wine here and there. 

It was meant to be a measure of love to those students who had little self-control around liquor.

Many students, however, simply saw it as one of their "freedoms" being taken away. 

They cared little that expressing their "freedom" was actually a "curse" to others.

In a truly loving and blissful relationship, we are willing to put some of our own freedoms aside for the benefit of our spouse.

In a blissful relationship, your Abundance, Awareness and consideration is what matters.

So putting aside what you "consider" freedoms does not really seem like sacrifices.

They are "Gifts" you are giving!

Before a woman agrees to interrupt what she is doing and spend time talking to you, you need to provide some value first.

Most men do not understand this basic principle and therefore come off as "losers" when they approach women and want to get to know them.

They typically try to GET value (get the woman to talk to them) before displaying any value of their own.

The usual conversation will go like this:

Why does this rarely works for most guys?

It's basic human psychology: people want to know that an investment (whether in time, in attention, in money) is going to be worth it, BEFORE they commit to it.

What to do then?

To consistently get women attracted to you, you FIRST have to show that you have a lot going for you. 

That you are an attractive guy with much value to add to their life. 

THEN they will more than welcome your approach and want to know more.

WHAT you say and HOW you say it can be tweaked to display those attractive qualities in the first few seconds. 

"They have seen but half the universe who never have been shown the house of pain." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The first question to be answered by any individual or any social group, facing a hazardous situation, is whether the crisis is to be met as a challenge with strength and purpose of action or as an occasion for despair and inaction.

You can think about your problems or you can worry about them, and there is a vast difference between the two.

It is jarring music that goes round and round and never comes to either climax or a conclusion.

Creative Thinking works its way through problems to conclusions and decisions then actions!

Worry leaves you in a state of tensely suspended animation and inaction.

When you worry, you go over the same ground endlessly and come out the same place you started and have gained nothing but a waste of precious time and energy.

Thinking makes progress from one place to another; worry remains static.

You can tackle the problems of life and change worry into creative thinking and anxiety into creative action.

It is in the whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has meaning.

Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure.

Problems call forth your courage and your wisdom; indeed, they create your courage and your wisdom. 

It is only because of problems that you grow mentally and spiritually. 

It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that you learn.

You do not succeed in changing things according to your desire, but gradually your desire changes and evolves. 

The situation that you hoped to change because it was intolerable becomes unimportant.

You have not managed to surmount the obstacle, as you were absolutely determined to do, when you live our life with a DYNAMIC PURPOSE, you find that life has taken you round it, led you past it, and then if you turn round to gaze at the remote past, you can barely catch sight of it, so imperceptible has it become. 

As you are in a constant state of moving forward, growing in our awareness!

A long time ago it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.

But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.

Then life would begin.

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life!

Unfortunately, all is not beauty and peace in life.

That is the reality of Living. 

I know I have never met a person who has not been challenged or wounded by something.

Difficulties present choices, we can either waste away from our wounds or use them to grow our minds.

I will use my self here for example, as a young man I am a survivor of a 400 feet fall down a rock face when I was climbing in Tramadoc in North Wales.

I had my pelvis shattered and the bottom part of my spine crushed and various other fractures.

I was told I would never be able to walk properly again. and that I would be discharged from the Army.

I refused that idea, and instead worked dam hard once I was able to get up and move again to walk.

Within six months I was back playing football and within eight months back doing my passion, Mountaineering!

And I passed all the Army medical exams with flying colours and went back to my unit.

They where amazed to see me!

No I did not do it alone, I had some truly wonderful people help me. because they saw my total will, dedication and persistence to succeed.

I have always said that no one succeeds alone - we succeed through and for one another.

We live in a world in which the worst looks as if it is going to happen and the worst often does happen, and yet out of the anguish and waste, love and trust come in new forms.

I could have just accepted what happened to me and become a "victim" and used that traumatic moment in my life as an excuse to become "poor me."

And I would more and likely be in a wheel chair now.

Crippled not only in body but in my mind too.

As Winston Churchill said..."Never ever give up!"

And as I say "Problems have SOLUTIONS that require ACTIONS."

Think about the problem. 

Seek solutions and solve the problem with taking ACTION!"

Worrying is such a waste of time and energy and solves nothing and gains nothing. 

So instead of lying in that hospital bed worrying and feeling sorry for myself. 

I was thinking of "how and what will it take" so that I could get back to doing what I loved doing most.

Being ALIVE and LIVING!

And I never took "no" or "you cant do this" for an answer.

 And once the Doctors understood I was deadly serious. 

The attitude changed and all sorts of "help" come my way.

One thing I know about life.

You do nothing, nothing will happen for you. 

Spend your time "worrying."

Waste your time going nowhere!

You move and act and in Life, then Life acts and meets you half way and all sorts of opportunities then start to present themselves.

"The ultimate measure of a person is not where he or she stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he or she stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

The first step to having the best sex of your life in a committed relationship is the process of getting to know each other.

Getting to know each other's bodies, preferences, secret turn-ons, and even learning about each other's secret fears and insecurities.

Yet there are couples that have not managed to take this journey into discovering each other despite great communication in many other areas of their lives.

So what stops men from truly knowing their own wife [or girlfriend]?

Fear!

This fear comes from many places.

Sometimes it is shame - the fear that SHE may get to know HIM too... and that she might not like what she finds.

Sometimes it is guilt from religion, or our parents, or something that happened to us as children.

And sometimes it is just the fear that we might not measure up, or that we're not sure we know what we're doing.

A lot of men think that if their wife [or girlfriend] REALLY knew the sexual thoughts going on in their heads that she would be repulsed or angry. 

This is generally untrue.

But what IS TRUE is that our fear of our own sexuality keeps us from ever really discovering the true sexual nature of our partner.

We each live in our secret world of fear where we pretend for each other that we are not insecure or that we never think any sexual thoughts when we are not in bed together.

The best thing to do is to BEGIN a relationship with open sexual communication. 

To make communicating about sex easy, guilt free, and , most importantly, free of JUDGEMENT. 

The problem with the "you complete me" model of relationships is simple maths.

The myth trumpets that I am less than whole but with you I can be restored to whole.

People think 'I'm half and you're half and together we make a whole." 

But human beings aren't additive, we're dynamic.

It turns into multiplication.

A half times a half is a fourth, and you end up with less than when you started.

This myth is completely untrue.

As a professional coach, I often see the fractional fallout from that and other romantic fallacies too often, I will elaborate on a few points.

1) In much of today's marriage and relationship advice, I hear two contradictory messages.

The first is "Be careful who you marry."

The second is, "Marriage is challenging with anyone, so who you marry doesn't matter as much as who you are."

You have got to flip the order of those.

If you take care of the first step - knowing who you are - the second almost takes care of itself. 

The more you are tuned into what you need, the less likely you are to partner with someone who does not make you feel good about yourself. 

Whereas if you don't know what it's like to feel good, you are much more likely to be swept up in a relationship based on chemistry and novelty, and less likely to find someone who is a good match for you.

An example of this is "I'll stay home and watch the kids while you earn the money."

There is nothing inherently wrong with that as long as everyone is bartering in good faith and that the agreements are continually assessed. 

There's another piece, what's going on socio-economically. Ten, 15 years ago people made this deal, and then all of a sudden they lost their job. 

I actually think these economy hard times has done more than anything else to reveal the heart and soul of marriages.

People in the '90s were distracting themselves from their marriage with hobbies and trips and creature comforts. 

Now people cannot afford to jet-set off on the weekend.

They are sitting around the table playing Monopoly like we did in the old days.

You learn a lot more about people when you are having a family game night. 

People didn't realize they had marriage problems until the economy went south.

Maybe the stay-at-home spouse is thinking, "This is not the deal I signed on for." 

If they picked their spouse based on that and only that, then they are going to be left really questioning their choice.

You have to have the flexibility and wherewithal to really dig deep and find out what your priorities are, and allow your happiness to rest on your sense of centre.

If there's abuse, if it was never a good match and you cannot be your best self in this marriage, and your spouse cannot, then divorce maybe is an option. 

But if the marriage problems stem from the issues that reside within you, you are going to take those issues into your next relationship. 

It's kind of like, somebody has their first marriage and it doesn't work out, and then their second marriage, and then their third. 

After several marriages, the person asks, "what did all of these marriages have in common?" 

The answer is "Me." 

And a simple answer to that question is.......

No "ONE" individual, can complete another individual. 

It is an "Impossibility!"

Yours Sincerely

 "Use the Comments box below and "Have Your Say" (even if you disagree).  I really appreciate it when people reply with thoughtful comments. Honestly, it makes my day. Either way I will be glad to hear from you."

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