Why Do You Have Lots of First Dates and NO Second Ones? 

By Ange Fonce

In this article I am going to deal with a problem many women face.

Attracting a potential partner.

Let me start with a question I am often asked...

"Hello Ange

If you are really there and my email will be answered, please consider this.

I am a very attractive woman in my late 40's. I have been doing online dating for 2 months now and get lots of first meetings. Not very many 2nd dates (probably 2 out of the 30 men I have met) and not a relationship. 

When I first went online dating this past April, the 3rd man I met, we were together 5 months. Now, not so good. I don't know why. 

I meet all kinds of men from age 40-55. The ones I really like dont call me. The ones I don't, they call me.

I need help. This is exhausting. 

I have 4 meetings with new men scheduled next week. I do not sleep  with them, I don't act needy, I am very happy and have fun on these  meetings, I flirt a bit, they all are attracted until I have to say goodnight. 


Trina U.K

My Reply...

Dear Trina...

Thank you for you message and contacting me.

First and foremost... YES.  

I certainly am really here and I am more than happy to answer your terrific e mail.

I really can relate to your frustration and you are not the first woman who has ever wondered why second dates are not happening and I am sure you will not be the last.

You have not given me a lot of detail and that is okay.  

That will allow me to share several different possibilities with you in a bit that may or may not be affecting YOU personally and which others may be able to relate to.

Now let us start off with the areas you DID give me some insight into.

First... you mentioned that you had met a great man on your third date after getting online and some may consider that "beginners luck" and there may be more to it than that.

Oftentimes when women first start with online dating there is a rush of attention from men for at least several days after posting their profile and that can be exciting!  

Even getting a few e mails from potentially interested men can build personal esteem and ones anticipation of good things ahead and that translates into a radiant confidence on actual first dates that is tangible to men and is very appealing that obviously means a greater likelihood of being asked out again.

As time goes on we all tend to have fewer e mails hitting your inboxe and any drop in numbers there can be a let down regardless of what you have been used to seeing.

And after a few less than perfect meet ups or a promising relationship that did not turn out as planned your excitement level towards meeting new men can take a hit and all of this of course knocks you off your game a bit and would you not agree and as a result you may not get as many second meet ups so keeping your energy level high and your attitude positive really can compel a man to want to see you again.

Another thing you mentioned was potentially VERY significant.

You said that the men you DO NOT like tend to remain interested whereas the the men you DO like do not.

Here is an area where both men and women often have a sticking point.

It is easy for us to think that having someone we like actually LIKE US BACK would be too good to be true and your mind plays tricks on you telling you that you do not deserve a great man or do not deserve to be happy and this mindset will SABOTAGE what might have been a very positive thing EVERY TIME.

Remember someone you are attracted to is still a HUMAN BEING and he has every right to get to know the REAL easy going socially present YOU as some men you are not interested in and it is kind of humorous to read that last thought is it not?  

And when you think about it that is kind of what goes on.  

If you clam up out of a fear of messing up or protect yourself from potential disappointment before there is even evidence it is coming... well that can only HURT rather than help it is almost like you disqualify yourself before he even registers his opinion on the matter!

Crazy yet true.  

Did you know that men sometimes feel REJECTED when a woman who actually LIKES them sabotages things because she feels he is too good to be true... what are women DOING to them selves?

Now the two I have already shared here are a few more quick ideas that are major second date killers and they are all VERY common so give these some thought to see if they ring a bell although I do not necessarily see any evidence that these apply based on your letter.

1... Pushing To Lock Him Down Very Quickly
Have you ever had a man try to have sex with you on the first date?

Did you feel kind of pushed or even creeped out? 

Well that is EXACTLY how men feel when you start talking about exclusivity or even marriage on first dates.

2...  Changing Your Look To Be Different From Your Pictures

You mentioned you are a very attractive woman even so remember that different men are attracted to different types of women.  

So if you are a blonde in a sundress in your profile pictures and have since gone brunette and show up for the first date in a business suit you might not exactly resolve his expectations... sure you are looking great either way and if you are not who he was expecting to meet that might derail things.  

Everyone man or woman has a right to his or her own tastes and preferences and appearing as expected generally inspires confidence in your date it is as simple as that so definitely make sure your pics accurately depict who you are TODAY.

And having them be RECENT should be a given.

3...  Unintentional Sexual Innuendo In Your Profile

Actually look closely to see if this one may indeed apply to you Trina since you mentioned that guys seem attracted until you say goodnight.

Quite often women include subtle phrases in their profile narratives that indicate to men that they will be open to sexual activity early and often in a relationship and are SHOCKED to find out that what they have written is being interpreted as such so it's important to scan your profile for this sort of thing.

Examples include... 

"I will try anything once." 

"I am ready for a little fun." 

"I am with my small children all day so I am ready for some 'adult' time."

If you have got anything in your profile that can even remotely be taken as a sexual invitation and that is not your style be sure to get rid of it.  

Please rest assured that not EVERY man out there is so shallow as to only want to use you for sex on the first date and if you are inviting the men who ARE by sending unintentionally sexual messages in your profile that will be EXACTLY who you will have writing to you.

And of course when you are not that kind of women they will turn elsewhere.

I am almost certain that one or more of the tips I have shared with you will turn things around for you.  

Please keep me posted!

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

 Ange Fonce

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Coach and Psychosexual Therapist who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... As ever always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for what you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people when people fall in Love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

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