Which Is Best Assertive Or Tentative Sex?


By Ange Fonce

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to have sex with a woman... and you were not sure if she was down to play... or was going to reject you?

I do not care if you are married... or on a first meet up... unless she is climbing on top of you... most of the time it is up to you to start things up... and since getting rejected hurts... and I do not care whether it is...

"Not tonight honey, I have a headache."

Or...

"What kind of a girl do you think I am, I hardly know you!"

Sometimes it is emotionally easier to not bother trying.

Have you had the experience that at some point in the night... the woman you are with is giving you some indication that... "it's on"...  and later in the evening when the time comes...  she has gone cold... and you were frustrated because you did not know how to get the heat back on again?

Now... I am going to share with you a powerful way to get that heat back on again... and get her in the mood for some loving... so let us begin...

SEXUAL ASSERTIVENESS

Learning to be sexually assertive is a very big challenge for a lot of men... for MOST men, it does NOT come naturally.... in fact... most men can be very... very shy when it comes right down to it... even men that are very extroverted when talking to women in other situations... and like I said... even men in relationships can find it intimidating to be sexually assertive with the woman in his life... sometimes even MORE than a single man... because he has laid down expectations in his relationship and finds it hard to change.

A big part of this is the fear of rejection... or humiliation... what could be worse than acting like some kind of big stud... only to be rejected... or even LAUGHED at?

You are not alone here... just about everyone has these thoughts.

Now... some other men go to the other extreme... and completely misunderstand what sexual assertiveness is all about... to be perfectly crystal clear on the subject...

Sexually assertive is NOT sexually... "pushy"... and it is not sexually... "insistent"...  and it is not sexually... "aggressive".... and it is not sexually... "demanding."

In other words... it is NOT being a total jerk who goes for what he wants without regard for how she will react because he secretly does not like women... and if you act that way do not expect to be turning many women on with that behaviour... though unfortunately... there are some women who ARE attracted to that kind of behaviour... and they generally have some underlying emotional issues... that the jerk is making worse... this is the root of many co-dependent... and abusive relationships.

Sexual... "assertiveness"...  on the other hand is something that is almost universally sexy to women... and in fact...  if you learn how to do it right... even a woman who you have been with for YEARS will still respond to it EVERY time you use it... it does not get boring... or feel like a rut because it is wired into her brain from millions of years of evolution.

So... what exactly is sexually assertive... and how do you make it work for YOU?

Well... let me begin by telling you what it is not... it is not sexually TENTATIVE.

In fact... it is the opposite of... "tentative"... and I mention that because... "tentative"... is what most men are doing by default... let me use two examples... one verbal... and one physical to illustrate the difference between..."assertive"... and... "tentative"... and why the first turns women on in such a powerful way... and the second is such a huge turn-off.

Let us say you are with your woman on the couch... you have your arm around her... and all is good... and you are feeling a little bit some fun so you ask her if she would like to have sex... so you could ask her at least a thousand different ways... you could say it as a joke... and get a laugh, of course... you could do your Austin Powers impression... cock one eye-brow... and say... "wanna get it on, baby?"

Probably get a good laugh on that one... you could play it straight... and deliver it kind of indifferently... like maybe even YOU do not know if you're in the mood or not... you are bored and... "getting it on"... might be a fun idea..."wanna get it on?"

And she thinks about it... and ALMOST CERTAINLY will shrug her shoulders... and say either...

"I'm not really in the mood."

Or...

"I don't know."

Of course... maybe she just happens to be feeling really horny at that moment... and she will say yes... and even then inside... she will be feeling very disappointed in the way you asked.

Because no woman wants a man who feels sort of ambivalent about having sex with her... in fact... even if she was in the mood... you might kill it by asking in that way... this is exactly how most husbands think they ought to find out if their wife would like to have sex... and it is why most married couples have a lot less sex than they ought to.

It is important to notice in these 2 examples that your woman takes her EMOTIONAL cue from you... if you are making it funny... she will think it is funny... if you are indifferent... she will feel indifferent... In these neutral cases a woman's emotions will usually follows the man's.

Okay... now the sexually TENTATIVE  man will ask the question hoping that she says... "yes"... yet in his heart he is so uncertain of his own sexual attractiveness that he is already half certain that she will say no... he may ask it quietly... unable to make eye-contact... he may even do it HALF funny... not fully committing to the joke because he is actually serious... and using the joke as a pre-loaded ego-save... "excuse"... in case she says no.

"Oh, I was just joking! I didn't really think you wanted to have sex with me!"

To a woman... this man does not even have the guts to go full-on for the laugh.

So he says... half-joking in a kind of quiet way..., in an uncertain tone...

"Are you in the mood to get it on?"

How does a woman react to this tentative emotional state in a man?

Usually her skin crawls... and she feels something a little bit like panic because she wants to get out of it so badly... and she is GRATEFUL that he said it half funny so that she can fake a laugh... and pretend to go along with the joke that he then regrets he never made.

His... "excuse"... becomes HER excuse... Yuck.

In this case his emotion tentative approach TRIGGERS an emotion in the woman of revulsion... so what emotion does assertiveness trigger in your woman?

The man who is sexually assertive will ask the question in a way that is more of a statement than a question... he is comfortable with his desire... and comfortable in the knowledge that she is going to enjoy it too... he knows EXACTLY what he wants... and he knows that he can get HER to want it to. 

Because that is his internal frame... you look her directly in the eyes without wavering... you get close enough to make her feel the heat of your desire because you are COMFORTABLE with your desire... you may smirk slightly because you KNOW how turned on you are going to make her feel when you say quietly... firmly...

"Let's go get it on."

Now... if you do this right... you know what she will say?

Nothing... she will not be able to speak... she will just stare back into your eyes... her pupils will get huge as saucers... her skin will flush... and she will open her mouth slightly... involuntarily to be kissed.

Now... a big part of this is not what you SAY...  it is what your emotional state is while you say it... women are extremely sensitive to subtext... vocal tone... body language... and when you are thinking the confident thoughts of the sexually assertive man... she can FEEL it... and she will respond to it.

In this case... the man's emotion of assertiveness TRIGGERS the emotion of sexual lust in the woman... talking to women in a sexy way is an art... and if you are curious about how your words can turn a woman on... well there are other articles you can read... or you can contact me direct I have as I have lots... and lots of information on the subject that you will find extremely valuable.

I said earlier that this will work nearly 100% of the time... and I meant that... if you are cuddling on the couch with your woman this is going to work... only if you get it right... and that means you really need to get in touch with that assertive male part of yourself... if you have deep doubts... she will hear it in the unsteadiness of your voice... in the tentative feel of your touch... or in the wavering of your eyes.

Can You Fake It?

Yes... to a certain degree... and it is not easily... it may take some practice... you will have to learn to calm yourself... and make her feel your sexual power... and if you commit to it... if you really trust in yourself that it will work... it will.

And as I said above... even if you have been together for years... and you do it hundreds of times... she will still respond powerfully to this attitude every time.

Do you have to use the words... "wanna get it on?"

No... obviously you could say just about anything... if you are being sexually assertive it will work... she will get very... very aroused.

So let us look at a second example... a purely physical approach...

You are back on the couch with your woman... and without saying a word you lean in... and kiss her passionately... that by its very nature... just going for the kiss IS sexually assertive... you did not ask permission... you did not say ANYTHING... you just went for what you wanted... in general... women have a lot of respect for this approach... most women will tell you that they prefer it when a man just kisses them without saying a word first...yet we all know that this can also go horribly wrong... we have all... "gotten the cheek"... when we went for the kiss.

So let us break it down...

You might sit there nervously for a few minutes... getting up the guts... and then just GO FOR IT...and suddenly lunge in for the kiss... not sexy... she will probably end up talking about the experience with her therapist.

You might go for the tentative approach... and move in a bit closer to her slowly... not sure if the time is right... you look down unable to hold her gaze... feeling nervous... you lean your head in while keeping the rest of your body as far away from the woman as possible so that she... "does not get the wrong idea"... and think you are not a... "gentleman"... and... yep... you just got the cheek... maybe she thinks you are cute and you get the... "mercy kiss."

Might work on a first meet up... I mean shy guys are supposed to be cute... and in a relationship... a tentative kiss gets boring very quickly... and it is NOT going to lead to action in the bedroom.

Now if you have been reading along so far... and if you think you understand what I am talking about... you should be able to write the next part yourself... in fact that might a really cool idea... why not play along... and write your own version of the... "sexually assertive kiss"... and then come back... and read my version... and see if they are the same?

The sexually assertive MAN knows exactly what he wants... and he knows that she is going to want it too. 

If you have been sitting on the couch for a while... and you are sexually assertive you have been touching her ALL ALONG... you are not going to suddenly spring on her... and break the barrier between not-touching... and touching with a kiss... you know the power that your sexual energy has over her emotions... and her mind... you put your hands on her in a calm... confident... and gentle way... not sexually..."aggressive"... or... "pushy"... and still be assertive about what you want.

You might stroke her hair... or it push it back from her eyes... maybe you run the back of your hand across her cheek... or stroke her face... and lips with the tips of your fingers... you know how much woman love to be touched... how much they love to have a man's hands on them.

You never let her break free from the intensity of your gaze... you get closer to her with your whole body... because you have no shame about your own sexual desire... you move in closer... and pause for a moment... she opens her lips slightly to receive your kiss... and gently... softly... you kiss her... and you hold it there.

Probably lean in... and stick her tongue in your mouth... maybe she just sits there panting... waiting for what you are going to do next.... probably she starts tearing your clothing off.

I am sitting here typing this KNOWING from massive experience... case studies... experimentation... and working with hundreds of men who had difficulty in this area... that this absolutely works exactly the way I just described it... and I am not sitting there with you while you read it... and so I would like to think that I have done a good job explaining this principle to you... it is simple when you..."GET IT"... yet  unfortunately it can be a complicated thing to GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO... "GET IT".

Like I said at the beginning... most men struggle with this... most men go to their graves without EVER getting it... and as you look at the examples above... the one thing you may notice is that the main quality it takes to be sexually assertive is sexual CONFIDENCE... and healthy measure of self esteem.

I have talked about the importance of sexual confidence before in previous articles... that a man can be very confident in many other areas of his life... and still not be sexually confident... and frankly one way to get that confidence is by learning the things that you KNOW will drive her wild in the bedroom.

It is a lot easier to be sexually confident when you know that once you have got her in bed you are going to completely rock her world... and have her coming back for more... I know that a very large percentage of my readers are in long term relationships... and it is especially because of these men that I wrote this article.

Because I know the power that great sex can have in a relationship... because I know how a relationship blossoms when you can really unlock the power of her full sexual potential.

It is such a beautiful... and positive thing that you will continue learning... and growing in this area... it turns out that there is no upper limit to the passion that you can explore as a couple.

As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

Average men and women know only the rules.

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are truly Passionate and DYNAMIC Lovers!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

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