What To DO When You Are Not "Feeling It" For Each Other

By Ange Fonce

It may be a sign that there are much deeper issues to blame than a lack of "attraction!"

When desire wanes... or when your partner suddenly loses interest or is not "initiating" the way he or she used to... you may find yourself in a panic.

You wonder if your "relationship" is broken... you may start to worry that you will never get the spark back... thoughts that your partner is cheating on you may seep into your consciousness... no matter "how" devoted your mate seems to you otherwise... you may wonder too... if your beloved has stopped being "attracted" to you.

When "passion" fades and "physical intimacy" becomes less and less frequent... does it make you "think" there Is something fundamentally wrong with your "love?"

Physical "intimacy" has become the barometer of the quality of a "relationship" for many couples in modern times... historically... it was not always this way... there was a time not too long ago when the purpose of "sex" was just procreation... people married for convenience or economic reasons... and yes "love" too... and the purpose was mainly to create offspring and to guarantee the transfer of property.

Today in modern Western society... we have placed a tremendous amount of expectation on "physical intimacy"... we want it to not only fulfill us physically when we get "in the mood"... we also want it to fulfill us "emotionally" and "psychologically" as well.

We use "physical intimacy" to assure ourselves that we are still "loved" and "desired"... we sometimes say "yes" when we are trying to please or assure our partner too... this is why it affects you when you find that you are just not"feeling" it for each other the way you used to... it can bring up a lot of anxious thoughts.

If you are not enjoying a "healthy" and satisfying "intimate" life... "how" can your "relationship" last... will your partner get bored and frustrated and want to get needs met elsewhere... does the lack of "passion" mean that your partner has fallen out of "love" with you? 

You may even wonder if your mate is no longer "attracted" to you... or feel guilty that you may not be "attracted" to him or her either... you may "feel" that you will never get that spark back... and if that happens... will you end up breaking up or divorcing?

All of these sorts of thoughts can be really scary... and scary to bring up and reveal to each other!

In my experience... when couples stop "feeling" as much "passion" for one another... or when "physical intimacy" issues arise... the underlying cause is never what they "think" it is.

The Real Reason Passion Wanes

A waning of "desire" usually does not mean that your partner has fallen out of "love" with you or is no longer physically "attracted" to you... couples can enjoy a long... "healthy" and "passionate sex life" well into their later years... no matter how long they have been together.

So if the waning of "passion" is not about "attraction" or getting older... what is it about?

What I have observed with many of couples I have counseled and coached is that issues with "physical intimacy" typically stem from a lack of energy flow in one of five key areas of the "relationship"... 

Personal Communication.


The Body. 

Emotional Disconnect.


5 Tell Tale Signs That Passion Is Fading Fast In Your Relationship

And What to Do About It

Here are the tell tale signs that these five critical areas of your "relationship" are blocked

Communication... you have stopped "listening"... really "listening"... to each other.

One of you gets impatient and often interrupts when the other is trying to say something... you are frustrated when eyes seem to glaze over when you want to talk about something "important" to you... maybe your mate walks away or gets distracted by the TV or the smartphone beeping.

You used to spend hours sharing your "innermost feelings" when you were first together... now your conversations seem to revolve around the same... tiresome topics... it is no wonder you are not "connecting passionately."

Creativity... more and more "time" goes by in between "lovemaking."

Your partner does not seem to want to make "love" as often as you do... or may want "sexing" way more frequently than you are into.

Outside the bedroom... you do the same kinds of things... week in and week out... work... dinner... movies... running errands... tending to the children... the evenings used to be about "snuggling" and "intimacy"... and now they are more about chores and the latest Netflix series... there are not any surprises anymore... you "feel" comfortable together and not very inspired for "lovemaking."

Body... unpleasant feelings arise when you are “physically intimate.”

You are still holding a grudge about a fight you had a month ago... or "unpleasant feelings" come up whenever your partner initiates "lovemaking"... this may have something to do with a traumatic incident in your past... or the way you "feel" about yourself... you have tried to figure out "how" to relax and enjoy "intimacy"... yet nothing you have done on your own has helped.

Emotion... you are holding back to avoid confronting or sharing with your partner.

There is something you would like to share with your partner and you are holding back... something hurtful might have been said or done... and you are trying to "get over it" all by yourself... without actually "sharing"... or maybe there is something that has been bothering you that you have not admitted to... this "holding back" is creating a block in the natural flow of "passionate" energy between you.

Power... you are caught up in bickering... worry and criticism.

It is hard to get in the mood about your partner when you are always bickering and blaming... when nothing is quite good enough... you might complain that your mate is not taking things seriously enough... whatever the source of tension... it is getting in the way of you "connecting" in the bedroom.

You CAN Get The Passion Back And Be Careful Of Superficial Fixes

When these five areas get compromised in a "relationship"... the natural flow of "sexual energy" in your "relationship" blocks up... when that happens... you experience a loss of  "desire" and a rapid decline of "passionate feelings" toward your partner.

Trying to fix this block to the flow of energy is not as easy as putting on something skimpy... writing love notes or planning a weekend away together... superficial fixes like date nights... poems and lingerie do not resolve the "underlying issues"... and are often sadly ineffective at permanently bringing back the "romance."

Unless you know "how" to uncover your blind spots and how to recognize and eliminate the blocks to the flow of energy in your "relationship"... you will just end up trying the wrong things and failing to ignite the spark with your partner.

The good news is that doing the necessary work to regain the "passion" you once felt for each other can be a rewarding and pleasure filled process.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely


Ange is an  Author... Speaker... and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist and Sexologist... who works with men and women who desire to "personally develop" themselves and their "relationships" to become Dynamic Lifers... "creators" of their own life and wealth! 


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