So do "Likes" or "Opposites Attract?"
What kind of Man or Woman do You want to Attract?

Actual lines from "dating" profiles.

"I'm a walking, talking dichotomy. I hope you're the same."

"I'm looking for someone with as many things in common as me."

It is a question that has perplexed, if not flat-out flustered much of humankind since the very inception of civilized male/female attraction.

Do people who are more ALIKE or more OPPOSITE ultimately attract each other?

And moreover, the deeper question... 

Are you more likely to succeed in a RELATIONSHIP with someone who is more ALIKE or more OPPOSITE to yourself?

Well, anyone who is familiar with the famous Myers-Briggs personality inventory test knows that the claim that comes along with it is that the happiest couples are almost always OPPOSITE personality types.

Meanwhile, it is readily apparent from how the people who run "dating sites" for example, do business on the basis that they think that LIKES attracts LIKE.

So who is right and who is wrong here?

Here is my answer..

After lots of consideration and thought of the issue at hand, and through my experience working with couples and individual men and women for many years.

Plus studying Human Biology, Psychology and Sexual Science. 

I have arrived at the conclusion that there is a GREY AREA here that few, if any, people ever consider.

The truth is that in order for a man and a woman to be truly compatible in a relationship, they have to be ALIKE in some ways and DIFFERENT in others.

Now, before you dismiss what I have just said as calling the whole thing a "toss up" or "divine" etc, etc, and walking away from the dilemma.

Think about this...

How you and your potential mate need to be ALIKE and how you need to be different is NOT RANDOM (i.e. purely subject to whatever turns you on, the "chemistry.")

In fact, it is crucially important to know how to sort this all out as you are evaluating a man or woman.

So then, let me elaborate a bit on what needs to be ALIKE between you and a partner you are likely to have a great relationship with.

For starters, they are going to need to have the same core value system (i.e. similar "world view") as you do. 

For example, if he is Catholic and she is Agnostic, being opposite will likely be disastrous.

You just have to build your relationship on the same basic foundation.

Know what I mean?

The two of you will also need to be in tune on ideas like whether or not you want children (and if so how to raise them), whether to stay up all night or be an early riser, what "relationship" means in your case (i.e. are you completely monogamous?) and whether to eat meat or not.

A myriad of examples could be given. 

But simply put, you and the partner of your dreams should be alike in both your psychological make up.

See how that makes sense?

Now that I introduced the idea that a man and a woman, if TRULY compatible, should be BOTH alike AND different, lets move on....
In what ways should your partner be OPPOSITE from you? 

Well, considering how unique human beings tend to be the only way I know how to objectively describe that to you is by sharing some of the real-world ways myself and women I have known are very different.

For example, I was with a past girlfriend on a 14-hour flight, I was working on my laptop improving my Dynamic Life Development System for my clients and ideas for articles.

Sue was doing peoples accounts on her laptop.

I can do them, but when I do I can sense my brain cells screaming in agony and dying, after an hour I am brain dead.

Then again, Sue was happy to do our accounts, which is a great source of joy to me.

I can even see WHY she enjoyed doing the taxes. 

Maths turned her on and she felt an actual sense of accomplishment as a result of completing anything to do with figures.

Great for me.

Meanwhile, I am the one who got us both out to places and enjoy going out instead of just watching the TV.

That is because I am the "dynamic guy" and she was the "down to earth" one. 

As fortune would have it, that is a solid place in a good relationship for BOTH of those areas of specialization.

Similarly, when it comes to money, Sue was an excellent "saver" whereas I am the one encouraging us to go spend a little here and there and "live a little". 

That makes for a nice balance as long as there is "give and take" both ways!

I tend to be the one who does not procrastinate and focuses on things that had to be done, did get done! 

We both kept the house in good order and shared the domestic side brilliantly.

She was excellent cook and kept me and my son well fed and well behaved. 

I am good at building his confidence and strengthening his self-image.

When we travelled, she would figure out the financial details.

I would focus on the practical details of the trip. 

And when our flight actually lands, she would be doing all the paperwork and I was the one who delt with the baggage and arranges the cab because I am the "practical" one.

And together our life run like a well-oiled machine, at least most of the time.

That is because when it comes to  the MECHANICS (or logistics or operations, if you prefer) of our relationship, we had a near perfect mix of COMPLETELY OPPOSITE interests in that regard.

Her strength was the "fine detail" (Feminine) and my strength was the "big picture" (Masculine.)

An Example of this...

Women on the whole remember birthdays, anniversaries, style, etc..........Detailed things, that are important to them.

And get upset when their guy either forgets or does not notice. 

It's because on the whole......Men are "big picture."

We just don't see or are "aware" of the world in that way.

But do not take that as an absolute.

There are plenty of guys who love and appreciate "fine detail" and are "aware" in that way.

There was a balance of Masculine and Feminine traits between me and sue that on the surface of our relationship appeared as complete opposites to each and yet polarity wise "complimented" each other.

At this point, allow me to show you the other side of the coin so you can fully understand what I am sharing with you here.

In your past, have you ever met a man or a woman who you were so turned on by it was almost ridiculous, but you pretty much COULD NOT STAND the person?

I think you know what I am talking about.

It was not that you "hated" them. 

In fact, they intrigued you no end.

It is just that they DROVE YOU NUTS with the stuff they did, the things they said or the way they butted heads with you.

Off the top of my head I can think of two women from my own past who fit that description perfectly.

Jenny and Dawn.

Suffice it to say I found both of them intriguing. 

BUT...simply being around either one of them was the most taxing experience imaginable otherwise.

Thankfully, I did not ever have to deal with them at the same time. 

Otherwise I may have completely lost my mind.

I remember Jenny and I had to work together on a project side by side all summer long one year. 

If I made any suggestion on how to get something done, she disagreed. 

She wanted it done her way...which was usually preposterous.

Finally, one of our female friends had observed us long enough and called out what was obvious to everyone except Jenny and I.

"You know what's hilarious about you two? You're EXACTLY ALIKE."


And similarly, I remember one summer when I was about 29 coming home after a date with Dawn and complaining to Tom (who was a great friend at that time) about how this chic drove me STARK RAVING BONKERS...but I just could not get enough of her.

The "sexual" chemistry between us was smoulderingly "hot!"

In a manner as dry as desert, Tom responded with, " will go probably marry her."

Well, thankfully I did not marry either of them.

As endearing as it must have been to others to watch my carrying on's with these women, being driven nuts and frustrated all the time is no way to live or conduct a relationship.

When it comes to finding a great partner, it really is best to be with someone who wants to cover the things you DON'T WANT TO, and vice-versa.

Otherwise, you are likely to live the nightmare of an ongoing (and completely draining) power struggle.

What you really want is the perfect storm as opposed to a constantly stormy relationship, understand what I mean?

And absolutely, positively can still feel amazing sexual attraction, even though you actually get along with him or her  and genuinely like them as your friend.

I think you get the point.

So then, before I wrap this article.

It is important to acknowledge some of the areas that have NOT come up in this discussion.

For example, physical attraction has been completely left out of the mix on purpose here.

Having seen as many couples who look like brother and sister as who look dramatically different from one another, I KNOW it is reasonable to conclude that personal tastes, biology, pheromones and/or whatever else you care to throw into the potion all conspire to cause physical attraction between two people. 

Whether couples who get along fine look alike or different from one another appears to be of little consequence, ultimately.

On the other hand, it is safe to say that what comprises the Masculinity of a man will always be attracted to what comprises the Femininity of a woman and vice-versa.

As I have discussed in other articles.

More Masculine Men will favour more Feminine Women, the reverse being true also.

Meanwhile, those men and women who are what I call "neutral polarity" in this regard somehow always end up together also, (Although I cringe to think what their sex life is like...if you can even actually refer to it as such.)

You will also notice in "same sex" relationships the inter play of "masculine-feminine" polarity's. 

One partner will be more in the "masculine" role while the other partner is in the more "feminine" role.

And what of the age-old idea of "common interests" that is thought of as a "sacred cow" in the dating and relationship world?

Here is my thinking...

If you and your partner share some favourite foods, pastimes and/or bands...great. 

And if not, introduce each other to some new and cool things and enrich each other's lives and "learn" of each other in the process.

Either way, life is good. 

In fact, you might be shocked by how LITTLE common interests have to do with overall masculine - feminine compatibility.

But make no mistake. 

It is all-important to make sure that someone you are in a long-term relationship with shares your core values system PSYCHOLOGICALLY while "complimenting" you in PRACTICAL ways.

And practically speaking, that completes this conversation.

As ever...Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. Average men and women know only the rules. Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love, Passion and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

PS. If you are wondering what happened between me and Sue. 

She received a great career opportunity to take a high flying job offer in Australia.

I was not going to leave my son. 

As a core value of mine is that a son has his Father to be his role model.

I could not ask her to turn down such a great career opportunity.

And told her to take it.

I don't regret that choice. 

She meet a great guy, got married and has a son of her own now and is happy.

We shared two wonderful years together, and for that I am thankful.

I totally go with this...
"When you Love another and they have an opportunity to GROW! You let them go with LOVE!"

Another of my "core values!"


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