She Hardly Ever Wants Sex...What Do I Do? 

By Ange Fonce

If you want sex more often than she does... even if it is off just a little bit... it can be more than just "sexually frustrating"...  it can also "hurt."

You feel like she does not want  you the way that you want her.

The extreme case of this is a question I receive  more often than I would like... he wants to have sex 3... 7... and in one case over 20 times per week... and she is only "interested" about once or twice per week or less.

I put "interested" in quotes... because usually the way the story goes... she will roll over and say  something like... 

"Okay... and make it quick."


Most of the men who write these emails to me are married... often they have children so they feel that leaving the marriage is unacceptable... and  often they "love" their woman... so making the situation twice as painful.

So what is going on when she has a lack of  interest in sex?

The reality is that there are many possible reasons why this could be happening... and there is not one "good" reason that can not be overcome... the problem is you cannot do it alone... you need to have her cooperate with you.

You have to sit down and have a conversation with her about what is going on... and it is not going to be a conversation like any you have had in the past.

To do this right is going to take a "huge" amount of effort and self control on your part... if  you want to get to the bottom of this and transform your relationship so that you can both have great... satisfying... connected sex that you "both" enjoy as often as you can take it... then this is what needs to be done...

Set up a time to talk with her.... 

This is not something you want to spring on your partner... you want her to be able to sit and talk openly with you.... so you want to tell her that you would like to have a conversation with her at such and such a time... and that the matter you want to discuss is a deep and important matter concerning the love between you. 

Reassure her that there is nothing wrong... she is not in trouble... you are not breaking up with her... it is just something very important that is on your mind... that you want to “share” with her.

Now here is the hard part for so many men... 

When you talk to her... forget what you want... forget your needs... and really LISTEN.

Get her to open up about how she feels about sex in general... why she feels that way... how she feels about sex with “you” specifically... why she feels that way...

Dig deep... and “do not disagree”... I repeat...  “do not disagree.” 

These are her feelings and emotions... and the moment you have an opinion she will clam up... get defensive... and it is over.

For example... 

If she says... 

"I do not feel attractive." 

And you say...

"But honey... that is crazy... you are beautiful!"

That maybe “how” you genuinely “think” and “feel.”

All she will hear is... 

"I don't care what you say... I am just here to argue with you... nothing you say is going to be right because I want more sex."

So if she says... 

"I don't feel attractive." 

It is your cue to say... 

"That must be hard... for you to feel that way."

It does not matter why she feels that way just yet... the bottom line is that that is how she feels... and “how” can she be "wrong" about her own feelings?”

You can follow up with...

“Have you always felt that way?”

“When did it begin?”

“How do you feel about feeling unattractive?”

“Are there any times when you “do” feel attractive?”

“Is there something I do to make you feel  unattractive? 

It will be tempting to argue with her answers... “do not”... accept that... this how she feels... about herself.

Of course it might not be that she feels unattractive... it could be many other things that she says that make you want to argue with her... and being the typical man... want to “fix” her... you really have to resist your natural instinct to “solve”... her feelings.

She might say things that are very painful to hear.

Your courage in the face of this fire of her “feelings”... by not arguing is going to define your "masculine space" within the relationship... so do whatever you can to succeed here. 

You may have to have several conversations like this... like weeks or months of them before she begins to budge and start reciprocating and asking how “she” can be better for you.

This could be a quick process...  if you have been struggling with this in your relationship for years... the problems will not be solved in 5 minutes.

If you want some training wheels that can really help you through this process... I recommend  buying the book Radical Honesty by Dr. Brad Blanton... in fact... buy 2 copies and read it together.

There are exercises you can do together that are so terrifying that you will probably dislike me for recommending it to you... and  it is worth the journey... to build more deeper “intimacy” between you both and you will experience in your “love making.”

At some point you have to get her to the point  where she can discuss openly why she is not interested in sex and not interested in doing anything to become interested.

Her life would be more fun with more “loving” sex too.... and she is closed to it right now for some very “real and valid” reasons... the fact that these “reasons” may appear as irrational is irrelevant... very few humans do nothing that is rational anyway... there is nothing rational about your desire for the car you drive or for the team you favour to win the game... it is all part of being  a human being. 

Accept that fact and you are on your way to really hearing and empathizing with what's going on with her... and that is the beginning of the “trust” you  will need to recover a passionate sex life.

Very often just that effort on your part is so overwhelmingly masculine and safe for her that it will help her to open up... she will feel an overwhelming desire to please you... she will feel more comfortable and relaxed in her sexuality with you... and this process will also change “you”... because by showing up with the courage to face this problem and not to argue... by “listening” and displaying “self trust”... that internally validated masculine ability to stand in the fire and remain open... you will have BECOME THE MAN that she wants so badly to surrender to... you become the man that every woman desires.

This situation of "not as much sex as you would like" can become your powerful mentor... to “change” the “intimacy” in your relationship for both of you.

If you are in this situation yourself and you are thinking about trying my suggestions here... and you would like help and guidance... please do Contact me.  

I recently read this very interesting article and I am republishing some excepts from here... some food for thought...

The annual Women Talk Study... commissioned by Healthy Women... and looked at the sex habits of 1,031 women aged 18 and above... linking them to communication and health. 

Women are "having sex out of obligation and not enjoyment." 

Women are not prioritising or enjoying sex as much as much as they should be, says the organisation behind a new sexual health survey.

While 51 per cent of the respondents believed that having sex a few times a week is considered sexually healthy... just 30 per cent had that much sex and 66 per cent had sex once a week or less.

Women are not having enough sex to reap its health benefits... nor are they feeling satisfied by the sex they do have... according to a new study... and with just 42 per cent of women believing that sexual health is very or extremely important to their overall health... it seems women may not fully understand the health benefits of a good sex life.

"There seems to be a growing trend in women having sex for obligation, not enjoyment purposes"

Elizabeth Battaglino Cahill, RN, executive director of HealthyWomen said... 

“Beyond the benefit of forming a closer bond with her partner, an active sex life can decrease stress, strengthen pelvic floor muscles, increase immune system function and burn calories.'

The study also highlights the disconnect between the valuable emotional bond of sex and the actual satisfaction women are getting from that part of sex.

A majority... 63 per cent, of women see “connecting with their partner” as the most important aspect of sex... and only 42 per cent are “very or extremely satisfied with this aspect of their sex lives.”

If they are not having sex for its health benefits and they are not reaping the rewards of its connective values... why are women having sex?

Naomi Greenblatt, MD, a board certified psychiatrist specializing in women’s health, told 

"There seems to be a growing trend in women having sex for obligation, not enjoyment purposes. Plus, as many a working mother can vouch for, time is scant. Women say there are only 24 hours in the day, and they simply are not prioritizing sex.” 

She points out that women may not be heeding recent evidence that shows sex can make people look younger.

“Women who had sex at least four times a week were scored as looking up to 10 years younger than their actual age. While pleasure and intimacy with your partner should be a primary motivation to have sex, the health and wellness benefits are a big bonus. To re-energise many a bedroom would be to highlight the “fountain of youth factor.”

Says Dr Greenblatt... citing a Royal Edinburgh Hospital study.

After all... not only is there the “pleasure” of sex and “intimacy”... there is the “health benefits” too... and is not looking younger a “priority” of many women!

What are your thoughts about the "lack of sex” in a relationship? 

Let me know...

As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are truly Passionate and DYNAMIC Lovers!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce


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I would like to talk about and share with you some of the keys I have learned over the years that have helped many of my male clients to develop a sexually fulfilling and intimate relationship with their lover and partner... 

If you are a man, learning these skills will lead you to a much more intimate and full filling sex and relationship for you and your lover.

One thing I think that is very important is to look at emotions and how it impa...

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