Sexing Talk Dirty Talk Sexing Fantasy And Identity 

By Ange Fonce

Please Be Aware This Article Contains Content Of An Intimate Nature

Are you Alive in ALL your Passion?

Should you TALK during sexing?
If so what do you say?

And what about phone sexing?
Or just leaning in to your man or woman during a party and whispering something naughty in their ear that is guaranteed to get them to make apologies to the host and drag you home?
Here are a couple of questions I got from readers that got me thinking about the subject...
"Dear Ange,
Do you know any good resources for "learning" about phone sex.  I'm in a long distance relationship where my man and I can only exchange emails once a week, and once a month we can speak on the phone for a couple of days. This will be the situation for another 6-7 months. 
Phone sex is something I've never tried, nor do I think he has, but he seems interested in it.  I'm not sure how to go about it or respond or how to communicate sex over the phone without the physical presence of the other person.  We are both a bit shy sexually speaking.  But I think it is something that could enhance our relationship if done in a way that is comfortable for both of us.  
Do you have any suggestions?  I hate to start googling "phone sex" for all the porn websites that will probably come up and have access to my computer.  
Thank you so much for your help."
"Ange, why is it, in dirty talk, the man is made to be this powerful, all-mighty cock, and the woman is the object to be "used like a dirty little whore"?
Seems rather degrading toward the woman...And, just out of curiosity...what would you call the male equivalent to "dirty little whore"?

What interests me in these two very different emails is that both of these women seem to recognize that sexing talk often involves some kind of fantasy fulfilment.
So let us dig into this and find out what is hot and what is not and what REALLY will turn your man and woman on and how to get fun... enjoyment and pleasure from using your words for yourself as well!
I will broadly break down sexing talk into 4 major categories that couples can use to really enhance their sexing pleasure and their sexing connection...

1... Reporting what you are doing

2... Reporting what you are feeling

3... Building and sharing your fantasy
4... Telling your partner what they are feeling
Let us deal with when you are reporting what you are doing first and that you are simply narrating what is already happening like...
"I am going to lick you up and down and then take you in my mouth."

"When you touch me like that I get so wet..."
So you might ask if it is already happening what is the point they know what is going on... why state the obvious?
The answer is that by engaging your verbal communication you can deepen the experience and saying these things out loud is bold and it is transgressive and it brings you right into the moment and it also brings your partner, right there into the moment with you... it synchronizes your thoughts as you are saying it and your partner is listening to it which can strongly augment connection and taking this a level deeper is sharing with your partner by reporting exactly what you are feeling like
"I feel so small when you touch me with your big man hands." 

"When you f69k me like that I feel like your helpless sexing toy!"
And yes I will go deeper into whether or not that is okay or if it is demeaning to women in just a moment and first I want to point out that in this case the woman who would say that is reporting HER feelings...  she is telling her lover how she FEELS in the moment as it occurs to her and if you do not actually feel this way then do not say it.
Maybe for you it makes you feel connected or stripped naked or just so good!
The object of reporting your feelings is to further share with your lover your internal world to let them know how you are affected by him or her.
For most men this is a huge turn on as it gives him a window into your feminine mind and men are naturally attracted to your femininity it also gives him motivation and permission to share what he is feeling though some men require more encouragement to get over their aversion to sharing their feelings and this builds intimacy and makes you both feel seen and sexually accepted.



You might find that over time you allow yourself to feel more deeply into more erotic possibilities by the encouragement and your lovers enjoyment of the things you are saying and pretty soon you might even surprise yourself by some of the things you say what you are feeling.
In the case of the woman above who is asking about phone sexing to enjoy some sexual intimacy with her lover from whom she is separated by many miles this sharing would be the ONLY connection between them as they each masturbate and not able to physically connect and still able to share sexing pleasure on a level that can be quite deep and profound and that might naturally evolve towards building and sharing fantasy with your lover.
Now one way of doing this is to explore a fully realized narrative fantasy like...
"Please go slowly I am still a virgin." 

"I cannot believe I am doing this with someone I just met at the bar." 

"It is your money so do whatever you want to me."
For some couples building narrative fantasy for each other is the hottest thing around... for other couples it feels unnatural and unwelcome or just plain silly... sometimes one partner is just a natural creator and the other just loves to be swept up in the story and enthusiastically enjoys the ride. 

And as I said some couples just do not dig it so do not read anything into these differences...
These differences are not right or wrong and they are not repressed or sexually adventurous they are just the differences in human personality types.
Even for couples who do not get into creating narrative fantasy there is real possibility and power in exploring Erotic Identities and modern studies in psychology tell us that Identity is not a fixed character like a character in a movie instead it turns out that we have many characters that we play as situations require and all of them are perfectly authentic.
We have a different character in emergencies than we do when laughing with friends and different with our parents than with our banker the fun exploration here is in discovering all of your possible erotic identities...
You might enjoy being dominated you might enjoy being tender and loving you might enjoy teasing and driving your lover crazy or you might enjoy all three and more.
Sharing your Erotic Identity verbally with your lover is kind of a mix between sharing a fantasy and just sharing what you are feeling.
It is like a fantasy because you can enjoy many different Erotic Identities and each of them call forth a certain role from your lover and when you are feeling tender and loving it will not do at all to have him being dominant and trying to tie you down.
The bridge is in words and telling him or her how you are feeling and to answer the woman above who was concerned that in fantasy and dirty talk women are always to be used "like a dirty little whore"...

I would say...  that sounds like fun!

Dirty talking is much more powerful than most men and women realize to raise the sexing energy and create new waves of sexing pleasure in a man or a woman and many times when I find my lover is close to an orgasm I whisper some dirty talking phrases into her ear and she then has orgasms again and again and I am always surprised at how powerful dirty talking is in causing her to drop into orgasms.

And for a man it seems dirty talking enables him to get into a more masculine energy and this strong maleness enables a woman to feel safer and most women then finds it easier to let go more and letting go is the basis of deep orgasmic experiences in woman and if she really lets go she could go from a clitoris orgasm to a more whole body vulva orgasm and this results in stronger deeper orgasms and much more pleasure.

One can try dirty talking when doing g spot massage as a special treat.

Dirty Talking Tips

1... Use 4 letter words for the genitals as you do not want to be nice and do not use words like penis and vulva and use the 4 letter equivalents like f69k and pussy and cock.

2... Some men and women find it had to think what to say so I suggest you describe what you want to do to your lover that would really turn both of you on.

3... Describe how you love your partners body and how you lover touching her breasts and playing with her self turns you on and how you want to "f69k" her in her hot... wet pussy! 

Now if you are a bit shy to use dirty talking start slow and see how your partner reacts and one can easily raise the dirty element when you get some positive feedback.

From a woman to a man examples... 

"God you make me so wet." 

"I want to feel you slide inside me soooooo bad." 

"I have been thinking about the taste of your cock allllll day." 

"I love the way your cock feels in my mouth." 

"Lick me and Kiss me there." 

"I am so wet just thinking about what I want to do to you and what you will do to me" 

"Go slow so I can feel every bit of you as you slide into me." 

"The way you bend me over and thrust into me from behind reallllllly turns me on" 

From a man to a woman examples... 

"I want to make your knees buckle with pleasure." 

"Your naked body makes me sooo hard." 

"I want you to shut the fuck up and suck my throbbing hard cock." 

"I am getting so hard thinking about your wet... Hot... Pussy." 

"I am gonna f69k you so hard you are going to scream for me." 

"Bend over bitch and tale my hard cock up your wet pussy." 

"You are so hot and  wet your pussy is begging for it and I am gonna make you beg for it." 

"Do you want my hard cock pumping your soft wet pussy."

"Do you want me to pump you woman hard and slow and f69k you bad."

"Squirt you pussy juices all over my raging hard cock."
And it is absurdly limiting to think that is the ONLY Erotic Identity you could have fun with.
Of course there are plenty of ways to reverse this and play opposite roles and in general you will find that some roles are more natural for the masculine and some more natural for the feminine.
Though it is plenty of fun to reverse those roles too and have your man explore his more feminine submissive side.

There Are No Rules

The all mighty cock and dirty little whore are roles that most couples will find fun to explore because there is some evolution at work here that lend these roles masculine and feminine juice.

Dominatrix Queen and Lowly slave boy will be less common only because they reverse the traditional masculine and feminine energy... though most couples who play with it will likely enjoy it.
Seductress and shy guy who is afraid of women or Sex Goddess and Worshipping Priest in the temple of love are also masculine feminine reversals that can be fun to play with.
Whereas Bad boy and innocent little girl is another more traditional way of using Erotic Identity to play with sexual polarity.
In the end the palette is infinite.
There is no reason anyone has to talk in bed.
There are couples with GREAT sexing lives that do not and many that do and it is certainly valuable if you are stuck in a long distance relationship and words are all you have got and if you want to play with it it can add a lot of fun and erotic pleasure of mutual discovery and SELF discovery... connection and adventure into your sexing life.

And as ever always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Life... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers!

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant and Coaching Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

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