Seductive & Erotic Foreplay For Advanced Lovers No 2
"Walk On The Wild Side - Soft Bondage."

Soft Bondage, the kind that will be discussed here in this article - can and IS an EXTREMELY pleasurable experience for both partners and can heighten the arousal to levels not previously attained!

The elements when put all together basically mean...being restrained, dominated and made to submit to your partner’s demands (and being disciplined when you don't) and deriving sexual pleasure from differing levels of surrender.

The most important thing to remember in this whole article is this...

The level of intensity of all of these elements of bondage is completely up to YOU AND YOUR PARTNER! 

ANY OF THESE ELEMENTS MAY BE REMOVED!

Feeling better? 

I thought you might be. 

Now stick with me!

For many people the only problem with the whole bondage equation is this...

Pleasure from pain

This article is not about ABUSE and RAW PAIN!

It is about Sensuality, Sexuality, Sex, Intimacy, Pleasure with a little sensual pain thrown in.

If you are a person that does not even like a little spanking in the bedroom - then remove spanking from your equation. 

You may still like the bondage and the submission, just take out the spanking. 

Perhaps you like a little nipple tugging but do not want to be tied down...TAKE IT OUT! 

The most important thing in any sexual play is PLEASURE, do what feels good for you and your lover!

Bondage has gotten a bad rap, so to speak, over the years and that people are sometimes afraid to even approach the idea of bondage with their lover for fear that they will be bound and gagged and made to do horrible things that will give them no pleasure what-so-ever!

So, let us begin S L O W L Y and let me bring you into the realm of "soft bondage" and show you just how very pleasurable an experience it can and should be!

GROUND RULES

When dealing with bondage play it is essential to have some basic ground rules. 

I always suggest that the couple sit down in a non-sexual situation and discuss where their comfort zone is. 

Perhaps go through a checklist to ensure that you are both on the same page.

  • Discuss how you are willing to be tied (i.e. only arms, no legs); maybe you want to pretend to be tied initially (“inhibited movement play”) to see if you like to be restricted.
  • Discuss what you are willing to have done in your impaired position – i.e. you can kiss me, touch me, but please let me free to have sex.
  • Discuss what sensations you absolutely hate or make you uncomfortable – i.e. I don't like ice on my clit, don't want to have sex toys used on me, don't want my penis tied with anything.
  • Discuss what would really make you uncomfortable in general – i.e. don't leave the room while I am tied.
SAFETY

Bondage communities have two safety terms they use: SSC (safe, sane and consensual) and RACK (risk aware consensual kink). 

These terms mean that you should always have CONSENSUAL play with your partner, you should NEVER BE IMPAIRED and you should be safe with your play.

In order to be safe, you should agree upon a safe word to use in the event that one of you feels uncomfortable. 

This word should be something unusual that you would not say otherwise.

Getting the “rules” of play established not only makes you more at ease that nothing bad will happen, but it gets you more excited about what is going to happen while you play.

START WITH A FEATHER

I will ease you in slowly, showing you how to tantalize and tease your lover and bring them to new heights of ecstasy with basic bondage techniques. 

More couples practice bondage than people think,  holding down your lover’s arms during sex, blindfolding them, tying them to the bed with a pair of panties, spanking them during foreplay, this is all a form of playful bondage.

The reason that bondage play is so arousing is because you are eliminating one or more of your senses and this heightens your other senses and makes them much more in tune to what is going on around you or happening to you.

When you take away one of your senses,  let’s say your sense of sight with a blindfold, all the activity that is going on around you takes on another level of intensity. 

Your ears will become more acute to all the noises in the room. 

Suddenly the sound a drawer opening or of your lover moving across the bed is something that causes you a little apprehension and anticipation. 

What is he getting out of the drawer? 

Where is he in the room? 

You can hear ice tinkling in a glass - did he put some in his mouth? 

Suddenly you hear a buzzing noise - is that a sex toy? 

All of these noises would have not caused this extraordinary sensory reaction if you could SEE what the noises were, where they were coming from and what was going to happen to you. 

You become more aroused because of the curiosity of the unknown and the anxiety of waiting to FEEL what will happen with what you cannot see!

If you then take away another sense - let's say the sense of touch - by limiting movement with some light restraints, you have stepped up the game.

When two senses are impaired – sight and movement – the experience is doubly heightened.

Now our sub-conscious self tells us that we are immobilized which is an unnatural state for the body to be in.

Meanwhile, our conscious self which has consented to the activity, is aroused by the possibilities of being tantalized by our lover while we are immobile.

As our unconscious battles our sub-conscious, our lover is using our heightened state of arousal to tease us and tantalize us and is also using our heightened arousal to arouse him / herself. It is a win-win situation!

The final thing to decide in this scenario is,  how will you be dressed or undressed while you are tied down?

My suggestion is NUDE!

There is nothing quite like being spread eagle on a bed with your legs and wrists tied to the bedposts and eyes covered by a silky blindfold!

The sensation of being naked also adds to the eroticism – it makes you as vulnerable as you can possibly be in that moment with your lover!

Bondage is much about vulnerability!

You are completely helpless to fight off whatever sexual delights he or she has in store for you while you are tied helpless and horny to the bed!

Trust me - you will LOVE IT!

LET THE TEASING BEGIN!

When I suggest to you that you should START WITH A FEATHER... I meant that literally! 

Once you have decided on your state of undress and the state of immobility, it is time to let the teasing begin!

For the remainder of this article, I will refer to the person who is tied down as the SUBMISSIVE and the person who is doing the teasing as the DOMINANT.

The beauty of bondage is that the submissive cannot move or fight off the sexual feelings that she or he will be having! 

It is a very powerful and erotic position for the Dominant to be in. 

It is also a very exciting position for the submissive. 

Personally, I get equal pleasure from both positions, but my heart lies with the dominant position.

This is a unique opportunity to experiment with a wide range of sensual touches, feathers, ice, heat, silky fabrics, tongues, fingers, sex toys, things that would surprise you lover upon contact with her or his skin.

Feathers or silky fabrics are a very sensual tools when used in bondage. 

They tickle, they excite, they make the skin’s neurotransmitters go crazy when passed along the skin! 

It is a totally wicked sensation to be tied down and have a feather or a silk scarf run up and down your thighs or around your breasts! 

Imagine a silk scarf wrapped gently around your lover’s penis and gently pulled up! 

The sensations of the fabric between your legs, on your thighs, on your clit, the possibilities for teasing are endless!

Contrary to what some people think, bondage is not about violating someone during immobilization. 

The “art” of playful bondage involves teasing and tickling, licking and sucking, bringing your lover to the absolute highest passion possible.

One of my past lovers got totally turned on by being wrapped up in a very fine silk sheet and her hands tied with silk scarfs to the bed posts and blind folded with soft silk.

She adored being kissed, caressed, pinched and little nip bites all over her body through the silk sheet and would experience intense orgasms before we even got to the full on penertrating sex.

And I loved being totally in control of her and her surrender......BIG TURN ON for me!

LETS GET ORAL ON IT!

The tongue is a wonderful thing - it can bring such wonderful sensations to the neck, ears, face, mouth, chest and of course, the clit or penis! 

During bondage, kissing, licking and sucking on your submissive is an absolute MUST! 

Why waste a moment of being able to savour every inch of his or her body with your tongue - teasing them with your hot breath, little flicks of the tongue, nibbles with your teeth. 

Take advantage now - your turn is coming!

Oral sex during bondage is an extremely powerful experience! 

I personally love to give my lover oral sex when she is helpless to stop me from making her cum! 

The power involved with oral sex is one that many men and women still don't realize that they have. 

When the Dominant has oral sex with the submissive, the experience is completely different, the submissive feels vulnerable and helpless to stop the pleasure, but as I have mentioned - this is a GOOD THING! 

Here the use of warming gels or oral sex gels would be a great addition! 

Imagine being tied and blindfolded and having your lover giving you oral sex that suddenly heats up! 

What an amazing surprise and sensation! 

The possibilities are infinite! Ice can be an alternative here - putting an ice cube in your mouth during oral sex brings all new sensations to the table!

TOYS FOR THE GIRLS AND BOYS

The Dominant takes unique pleasure in his or her position of power over the submissive by devising new ways to pleasure his / her lover. 

One such way and one of my personal favourites is the use of sex toys. 

Most sex toys make some kind of noise, so when they are turned on,  the submissive hears the “buzzing” of the toy and gets an anticipatory, anguishing excitement that will be very apparent to the Dominant.

Some of the best types of toys to use in play are Mini-Vibes or Finger Vibrators (Personal favourite of mine. You can use them anywhere) because these toys allow the Dominant to tease all parts of the submissive’s body with the tantalizing vibrations. 

The nipples, tummy, thighs and clit can be teased and played with all without the submissive knowing what is coming next or the ability to move away or fight the orgasm that is surely building!

And make sure he is not left out.

These wonderful massager's can be used on his nipples, tummy, balls, shaft and penis head to accomplish just as much pleasure as when used on her erogenous zones! 

Of course, he is tied down and cannot make you stop touching his "sensitive areas" either, so enjoy the power while you can!

Slimline vibrators are also good for sending some simple vibrations. 

If you and your lover have agreed to tease each other with sensations of all kinds, massager's, slimlines, or even warming gels or massage oils or creams might be a way to step up the sensations, all for the pleasure of your lover!

STEPPING UP THE ANTICIPATION!

If you and your lover are comfortable enough to go beyond “just teasing” each other while immobilized, then there is a whole other level to bondage play to explore. 

The use of sex toys can be increased to include full-on penetration with your submissive while she (or even HE) is tied. 

Sex toys in general bring such an element of eroticism to the bedroom,  imagine how that sensuality and excitement would be increased if you didn't know what toy your lover had picked, when he was going to use it, and you were helpless to stop the use of the toy?

Many couples participate in sex toy play,  however, many women do the playing themselves, allowing their partners to watch. 

Imagine now how excited your lover will become when HE gets to become an active participant in YOUR pleasure! 

It is such a step up from regular sex toy play.

There are only 2 rules in this portion, consent and lubrication. 

You should never, ever insert a sex toy into your lover without consent. 

Being tied down and, or blindfolded is a precarious position to be in, though enjoyable  and you should never surprise your lover with the insertion of a sex toy! 

Second, lubrication is essential to make sure that there is no pain!

Now then - the sky is the limit as far as what toys you want to go with. 

Personally, I enjoy playing with dual actions while my lover is immobilized (Thrusting Jack Rabbit, ivibe, or Strobing Probe) because I know they will drive her WILD.

I also sometimes go anal if she is tied on her hands and knees and then I go with the Vibrating Anal Beads. 

It is all about preference and comfort. 

You may want to go with something simpler, I prefer to go with the big guns.

Glow in the Dark vibes would also be great because the Dominant would be able to see all the action, close up and personal! 

My point, no matter what toy preference you and your lover have,  it is fun to experiment and play with the extra sensory deprivation you will be experiencing here!

WALK ON THE WILD SIDE

Now, if you are really taking it all the way from start to finish and want to use bondage as more than just a foreplay tool, you can consider having sex while your partner is still tied up. 

For me, I feel extremely aroused when my lover is tied down and I am riding on her and I have all the control of the speed, position, depth, etc.

But I also enjoy sex when my lover is totally free to do her thing too! 

Many people would prefer not to be tied at this point,  perhaps they want to touch, see each other, move around, that is personal preference.

THIS WHOLE THING IS ABOUT PERSONAL PREFERENCE.

For me, I enjoy either taking that control with my lover - or having her pound away on me while only my legs are free! 

I don't feel degraded or taken advantage of. 

I know I can be let out at any moment - I just enjoy knowing that she is enjoying her “ride!"

So, as far as this step goes, use your judgement and do what is comfortable for you and your lover!

END WITH A SOFT WHIP...MAYBE?

It is true that some people do enjoy a little bit of pain with their pleasure, I am one of those people. 

Now don't go running for the hills, I am not talking about drawing blood here. 

I am speaking of a little spanking, perhaps a little nipple pinching. 

If you are not interested in that by all means, that is your call. 

However, for those of you who are - this section is for you!

Many of us joke about needing a little spanking now and then , but how many of us do it? 

Come on, tell the truth? 

How many of you have had a pat or a spank on the butt when you have been in the bedroom? 

I will bet it is a whole lot more than people think! 

Spanking is the number 1 “fetish” activity confessed by most women! 

How can so many women be wrong?

Whether you like a bare hand, a paddle or a whip - spanking can be so exhilarating! 

A firm “smack” on the rear brings blood to the back of the body and causes heat to rise! 

It is definitely an acquired taste - and should be approached slowly - starting gently and getting harder depending on what you like personally!

Some women also like their clitoral areas gently spanked.

When you “spank” that area, blood gathers there and increases the sensations - hence the excitement. 

Now don't do it too hard - but just hard enough! 

GETTING A LITTLE NIPPY

Many women fully admit to liking their nipples “tweaked” and some women will admit to liking their nipples tweaked a little harder than most. 

What may be considered painful for some women, may be considered pleasurable for others. 

My point here is this, different strokes for different folks, and in bondage, some folks like harder strokes!

SOFT BONDAGE

If anything came through in this article, I would like to think it was that bondage does not have to be scary and full of pain, but alternatively can and should be extremely enjoyable! 

As long as both partners trust in the other, feel that they want to explore the possibilities of bondage play, and are willing to tell the other when they become uncomfortable - the sky is the limit as to how sensual the experience can become!

I love to know that lovers have tried something maybe a little outside of their comfort zone and that it has brought them closer together as a couple! 

Bondage does that - brings lovers closer because it exposes the vulnerabilities that we all have.

And deepens trust and intimacy.

If one woman gets a spanking tonight and enjoys it, or one man gets the blowjob of his life while tied to a chair - I know that this article has served it’s purpose! 

Happy and SAFE playing to all!

As ever...

Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love, Passion and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

Would you like to know more of "how" relationship and sex coaching can help you?

To Contact Ange Fonce

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