Before we get started a couple things...

1. The story I share in this article, is based on a REAL LIFE relationship.

2. It is awful, I shared this this story with a female friend and she said it was like a horror story and it made her want to vomit.

3. It involves sex and misguided REVENGE and gets slightly graphic, so do not read it if you do not want to hear about that sort of thing.

4. This DESTROYED a client of mine's ability to trust women for a very LONG time!

5. I have the utmost RESPECT for him in giving me permission in allowing me to share his story.

First, I want to make something clear.

To begin with, jealousy is a natural emotion which we all feel from time to time. 

It can actually be healthy to some extent in a relationship... it would be a bit worrisome if your partner did not feel jealous once in a while. 

Feelings of jealousy are usually because of the presence of a rival vying for your partner,s attentions... if you spot this and express your feelings of jealousy, this may eliminate the threat to your relationship with your partner becoming more cautious around the so-called rival. 

Therefore, jealousy evolved so you can sense when your relationship is threatened and do something about it. 

This keeps your partner, yours. 

When this is taken too far, however, problems ensue.

And what was once "healthy jealousy" becomes "pathological" and what was once "love" can turn into your worst "night mere!"

The fact is I often have both men and women share experiences like the story that follows, shared with me as a Personal Development Coach. 

I have changed the names of the couple involved. 

So for the sake of this story I am going to call my client "Ted."

And I am going to call his ex wife (and the mother of his children) "Tiffany."

This is Ted's story...

As I sat there listening to this client... I saw the absolute horror in the man's eyes as he told me what his ex wife did to him to end their marriage.

Ted sat across from me, agitated. 

Intense. 

And I noticed that when ever we talked about women or when women showed any kind of interest in him, Ted become extremely "stressed."

His jaw clenched.

His hands balled slightly into fists.

His eyes went wide and tears started to flow.

It was our 18th coaching session when Ted emotionally opened up and shared what had happened.

What his ex wife had done.

Why he could NEVER trust a woman again for a LONG time.

Here is what happened...

Ted and Tiffany got married when they were 25. 

Ted was successful at a really young age and him and Tiffany bought a big house in the middle of the country somewhere where they could raise their two children.

And Ted thought they were happy.

Yet Tiffany somehow got it into her head that Ted was cheating on her.

See, Ted travelled a few times a month for work and for some reason, Tiffany was convinced that he was sneaking around behind her back.

In fact, Tiffany was SO convinced that Ted was sleeping with woman after woman on these trips that she hired a private investigator to follow him on his next trip.

The PI tracked Ted like something out of a movie. 

He took pictures of Ted at his hotel.

Ted at dinner.

Ted walking around reading a book.

The PI went back to Tiffany and said... 

"Your husband might be the most boring man alive, and he's not cheating on you."

Tiffany did not like that answer.

Even though the PI had produced not one shred of evidence that Ted was "flirting" or "cheating" on her in any way.

Something in the back of her mind said he HAD to be cheating, and this PI was not telling the truth.

So she hired another PI.

And this time, same story.

The PI followed Ted while he was on his business trip.

Ted ate dinner. 

Watched a movie in his room. 

Went to a book store.

Nothing.

The PI went back to Tiffany and said... 

"He's not cheating... unless he's got a fetish for hotel pillows."

And again, Tiffany was not convinced.

She did not BELIEVE the PI's, they were lying and wrong.

She KNEW he was cheating. 

She KNEW it somewhere deep in the core of her.

So she planned the worst birthday surprise ever.

She planned her revenge.

Ted had to travel right before his 30th birthday.

When he landed at the airport he flipped open his phone and saw a message from Tiffany that said...

"Happy Birthday. Come right home. I've got a surprise for you."

Ted went right home.

He was tired from the plane. 

He was mourning the death of his 20's and he figured he had a great night ahead of him with his beautiful, adoring wife.

He got home and there she was at the front door. 

The children were at a friend's house. 

She kissed him when he came in.

"Are you my surprise?," he asked. 

He wanted to melt into her after his long trip.

"No. Your surprise is upstairs in your office. You want to see it?"

Ted smiled. 

This was going to be fun.

He climbed the stairs two at a time. 

He walked into his office.

And his legs went weak under him as he saw it.

In fact his legs just buckled and he fell to the floor and a part of his brain just unhooked. 

A part of his heart just cauterized right there in a way that would never heal.

Ted did financial trading stuff so he had four computer monitors.

And right there on the monitors were pictures . . .

Dozens of pictures.

Of his beautiful wife (who he loved so much.)

Naked. 

Sweaty.

Smiling.

Panting.

With guy after guy after guy.

And not just any guys.

Guys he knew.

Guys he considered friends.

One of his best friends from high school (right there on Ted's bed.)

A friend he got drinks with every Monday night (she was on her knees) . . .

10 guys in total and he knew every one of them.

As Ted sat there dumbfounded on the floor Tiffany just smiled and said... 

"Serves you right, you son of a bitch. Serves you right."

And needless to say... that was the end of Ted and Tiffany.

And that was the end of Ted's ability to love (at least for a long time, nearly 3 years of one to one coaching to rebuild his confidence and trust in women again.)

And even though Ted never cheated (he is definitely not the type) to Tiffany he has never taken revenge. 

He just wants her gone from his life.

Yet she took her REVENGE.

Convinced by her belief, her raging "jealousy" that he was "cheating" on her. 

And he still has not paid enough.

Now, is that a horrible story or what? 

I mean it SOUNDS like something out of a horror movie, yet this is actually true.

So why am I sharing this story with you?

A few reasons...

1. Because when you convince yourself in your head, you believe that another person is doing something wrong. 

Even when there is no proof or the evidence says otherwise.

YOU have got a SERIOUS PROBLEM!

2. To put things in perspective... a lot of people write me about how awful their break up is, or when working with a client they share with me some real horror stories. 

And I will say,  it is rare to hear about something with so much premeditated meanness.

Now, do not get me wrong, people do awful things when they break up. 

This was just PLANE CRUEL.

3. To tell you that (even though it took a long time and much coaching) even Ted has been able to heal and move on.

He has got a great woman in his life now. 

He is happy again (though he obviously never talk to any of those "friends" any more.)

Although Ted never actually suffered any physical harm. 

The psychological TRAUMA was MASSIVE!

And Ted did move on from THIS (his ex wife still tries to make his life hell, by the way... she is obsessed that he cheated on her and keeps to her story to justify her actions.)

So what happened to Tiffany. 

What went wrong?

Have you ever heard of the psychological condition known as "Pathological Jealousy" and also known as "Morbid Jealousy Syndrome?"

Well let me share with and educate you about this condition that can affect both men and women.

Interestingly, women are more prone to suffering this condition then men.

The Dark Side Of Jealousy.

Morbid jealousy describes jealousy which has been taken to dangerous extremes... aspects of morbid jealousy syndrome include irrational thought patterns and emotions, acting in extreme even dangerous ways to eliminate the threat and maintaining the belief that one's partner is unfaithful, and yet having little or no evidence to support this. 

Men and women with healthy jealousy only feel jealous when presented with solid proof... if accusations are unfounded, they will drop their claims. 

Men and women with morbid jealousy, however, create the evidence in their minds with no reference to reality... and even when confronted with contradictory evidence, they will remain adamant about the idea that their partner is having some sort of affair.
 
It is rare to find morbid jealousy in its pure form. 

It is usually found in combination with an underlying mental disorder... men and women with paranoid personality or borderline disorder are more susceptible to morbid jealousy... also men and women with an insecure attachment style are more prone to this syndrome... they are more likely to feel inadequate, insecure and inferior which may prompt morbid jealousy. 

Drug and alcohol abuse are common among people with morbid jealousy... although these are not the causes of the jealousy, substance abuse would exacerbate the syndrome.
 
Many suffering from this syndrome realize that their feelings of betrayal are unfounded and yet cannot free themselves from the intrusive barrage of thoughts relating to their partners infidelity. 

Their behaviours, such as checking pockets, emails, drawers, bed linen, medicines etc. of their partner become compulsive... stalking or hiring a private detective are also common things people with morbid jealousy do.
 
People with morbid jealousy are a risk to themselves and to others, especially their partner. 

Depression and anxiety are likely to accompany morbid jealousy, as well as suicidal ideation and self-harming behaviours... also those suffering morbid jealousy may use violence against a partner in order to extract a confession of unfaithfulness. 

When taken to extremes, murder may be the result.
 
It is clear that people with morbid jealousy are a dangerous threat. 

Hospitalization may be required for the morbidly jealous individual. 

Medication and psychotherapy would also be necessary. 

Couples therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are effective, especially if the individual has constant obsessions of their partner cheating. 

Coaches and therapists who are CBT oriented draw attention to faulty and irrational thinking... they try to replace these thoughts with more rational and realistic ones. 

While this may help, people with morbid jealousy tend to relapse into their previous delusional state if not being monitored constantly. 

It is also essential to realize and treat the underlying mental disorder. 

Overall, early identification, treatment and constant vigilance are key to helping those who suffer the delusions, obsessions and irrationalities of morbid jealousy.

So I would like to think that now you have a greater understand of what "Pathological Jealousy" can do.

And there is also a personal side to this article, because when "Ted" eventually "shared" with me... I knew exactly what he had gone through and could "relate" to his experience.

Because I had experienced such a relationship myself.

For the first few years of my last long term relationship, everything appeared fine.. then my partner started to change.

I was accused of constantly having affairs.

It grew to the stage, that when returning home from work... I would sit in the car... looking at the front door, knowing that once I walked through that door.

That the woman who had been once been "loving" had changed into a "raging and jealous monster!"

Eventually I had to leave that relationship to retain my own sanity.

When "Pathological Jealousy" takes over... Love is killed.

I did heal from that relationship... so did "Ted" and so too, many other men and women.

And if you are stuck and suffering from trauma from experiencing being in such a relationship ... I strongly suggest you seek professional help.

And what of the other victims, when "Pathological Jealousy" takes over.

The simple truth is... Love is not enough, they really DO need "psychiatric" help.

If you yourself have experienced being in a relationship or are in a relationship  where "Pathological Jealousy" has taken over.

You really do not have to suffer alone.

Please do Contact me.

As always leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are Passionate DYNAMIC Lovers!

For Love and Intimacy...


Ange Fonce


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