And welcome to Intimate Communion Magazine "Readers Questions" where I answer your questions that you send me via e mail and social sites.

I guarantee that whoever you are, you will find some amazing nuggets in my replies that will turbo-charge your courting, relationship and sex life in the answers to these questions, and much more, below.

In this issue I am asked...

1) I don't know what to do to make him fall in love with me?

2) How do I approach the subject to him about our future together?

3) Should I date a married man? "

4) "My boyfriend watches lots of porn."

5) Facebook Questions.

So lets get on with the first question?

Sherry asks...

"Hi there, I saw your web page and I have a question. I am in a committed relationship with someone I've been with for nearly 6 months. He shows interest in every way except that he rarely gives compliments. We have been intimate. He says he likes our chemistry and he wants the emotional part of the relationship so I do things to make sure he likes me for more then just sex. The only thing is, I don't know what to do to make him fall in love with me. I don't know how to make him "feel it". I try to express my feelings and confide in him. I don't know what else to do to spark it. Any ideas?"

Sherry... USA

My Reply...

Dear Sherry,

Thank you for your question and writing to me and sharing your thoughts.

Reading your email there is two parts...

First there is the questions about "compliments?"

This one is straight forward, people and I say people here because both men and women fall into these two groups. 

There are those who can give and receive compliments with no problems as it is part of their nature. 

These people are usually confident, high self-esteem people.

And those who find it hard to give and receive compliments and express their feelings. 

Now a lot of men and women are going to fall into this second category. 

Especially when it comes to expressing feelings... and trusting a compliment when one is given.

This is something you may have to be patient on Sherry as your relationship grows... just because you have had sex does not mean a person is going to express their innermost thoughts and feelings. 

That comes with the building of trust.

However Sherry, there is nothing to stop your mentioning to your boyfriend that now and again that you would like to be shown appreciation for who you are and receive complements for how you look or things you have done.

We all like to feel appreciated for who we are and it is nice to receive complements now and again. 

It is something you may well have to prompt him on. 

It does not come natural to every one. 

It is though a very good skill to have and possess in all social situations with people and not just for a relationship.

Then there is this point I like to mention.

"I do things to make sure he likes me for more then just sex."

Do things to make sure he "likes" you Sherry?

Do things because you want to do things for you and you enjoy sharing with him.,,, be yourself, be YOU!

Because that is the woman he is going to really like and fall in love with. 

You being the "authentic" you, not a woman who is doing things to get him to like her.

That is needy and lacks self-confidence that you will be genuinely liked, appreciated and loved for who you are!

Which leads on to the last part of your e mail.

"I don't know what to do to make him fall in love with me. I don't know how to make him "feel it."

Sherry, we can never make any one fall in love with us unless they want too.

Attraction is not a choice... Love is!

Do not confuse attraction, chemistry and sex (lust) for Love.

Love is something that grows between people. 

And the biggest quality that helps love grow is "trust" between partners in an "intimate" relationship.

And "trust" is built on being authentic and attractive as you are!

Instead of trying to make him "like" and "love" you. 

Be the woman he finds attractive, confident, sexy, fun. 

Who he loves to be around and want to be with.

Then you will find he loves being with you, finds you highly attractive and will fall in "love" with you the REAL Authentic Woman.

Stop trying to make him do things and be "how" you want him to be.

There is a word for that Sherry called "manipulation."

Love is not about manipulating another to like and love you!

And understand he is a Man!

Men work differently from women... so learn to understand many of the differences between the sexes. 

It will help you understand the man you are with.

Go take a visit to "The Intimate Communion Magazine Resources" there you will find many articles I have written and posted for women and their relationships with men... about how to act around men, what attracts men to women, how to deal with problems with men, how to be that confident attractive woman a man will totally want to be with and much more.

And consider this Sherry, you are still in the "newbie" stage of a relationship, 6 months is not a long time and both of you will be finding out about each other as individuals.

Be the authentic attractive woman you are and yet him be the authentic man he is. 

If you both want to build a solid long term relationship. 

This is the time you start laying the foundations for such a relationship.

And those foundations are built on rock solid "Trust" between you both!

Trying to get him to like you, and doing things to make him love you and getting him to be how you want him to be is not a good way to go Sherry.

If you would like further help Sherry then please feel free to contact me.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And now for a Question from Debbie about "long distance relationship?"

"Good evening,
I have been in a long distance relationship for one year. When we are together everything is great. We try to see each at least once a month. We both are getting very frustrated because it is getting harder to get together because of busy schedules. We both have strong feelings for each other. I am not sure how to approach my friend about where the relationship is headed. I am willing to move if I knew of a permanent commitment from him. I do love him and he has signed off on his cards to me "love Mike". He has never said I love you directly to me. I have not said it to him because I don't want to scare him off.
How do I approach the subject to him about our future together? If he is not on the same emotional level as me, then I need to step away. I don't want to scare him with this sounding like an alternative, but I need to know.
Thank you,"

Debbie... UK

My Reply...

Dear Debbie,

Thank you for you message and my apologies for the lateness of my reply, been a very busy week and has taken me some time to work through my mailbag.

Now for me reading through your message there is two parts...

1. Being in a long distance relationship and the issues that brings, which leads into the second part of your question...

2 Having the "Talk" to know where your relationship is heading?

Because that is a BIG step.

Now you say you try to get together once a month and when you meet up "everything is great" which is cool. 

Yet hang on here, you have been seeing each other a year... once a month... that is one weekend a month...2 days a week, which by my math is 24 days out of 365.

You have not even seen each other a whole month yet, if what you have told me in your e mail is right. 

And more and likely out of those 24 days you will have been enjoying each other, seeing the best of each other and although you have not mentioned it.

Having sex with each other.

So everything is rose tinted spectacles, for you having mentioned... "we both have strong feelings for each other."

Well yes, if you are both attracted to each other the chemistry is going to be high. 

And I will be honest with you here Debbie, feelings are not a good thing to go making "BIG" choices on.

And this comes to the next part of you e mail...

Wanting to have the talk with him about how he feels and how the relationship between you moves on. 

You are right to be wanting to do this Debbie... as you are talking about a very Big step.

How you approach this matter though is with some tact, you hit your boyfriend head on and he will withdraw, because it changes the nature of the relationship between you.

Because you are asking to move from a causal relationship to something more deeper and committed, and "yes" you want to know.

However, going back to my earlier point, your in a long distance relationship, even though you have been seeing each other through the year. 

The time you have actually spent together, in that year is not much.

I have some questions to ask...

Do you know that he really loves you?

Is this the man you would be happy having as the Father of your children?

Have you ever talked about any of these things with him.

  • Family
  • Building a future together
  • Building a home.
  • Finances
And what about shared values?

Because the really big question to ask and to know.... is how "committed" he is to you and would he be saying "yes" to these questions, except of course, being the mother to his children.

You asked "how do I approach the subject to him about our future together?"

What I will say is do not say "we need to have a talk."

That will put most men on the defensive.

Sound him out in stages, rise certain subjects with him in conversation, find out what he really thinks when he is at ease with you.

Prompt him and then listen.

Now in this article Debbie I go into detail about how to make a man want to be committed to you. 

There is a lot of good tips in this article.......

Have a read before you decide on making any deep commitment. 

You are right to ask before going further, because if you get this choice wrong.

You got a lot to lose and can mess you life up in many ways.

That is one of the problems of long distance relationships, you do not get to share in everyday things together.

You do not get to see the nature of each other on "Bad Hair" days or how you both work together facing every day problems or the support through stressful times.

Have a quiet sit and think with yourself Debbie about what you really want from this relationship and also find out what he really thinks and wants to?

Because the next step... "commitment" is a BIG one.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And now on to the next question...

"Ange, HELP! I met the man of my dreams and I don't know what to do. I've been looking for someone who I really connect with for such a long time and when I met Jim it was like a bomb went off in my heart. He's amazing. Handsome.
Successful. And he actually TALKS to me about his feelings and what's going on with him.
There's only one problem. He's married.
From what he's told me his marriage is a sham and they're only staying together for the kids. He even told me that he and his wife haven't had sex in over a year and that as soon as his kids are old enough he's going to end it. 

I then read your article about getting involved with a married man and it made me think.

But what do I do? I've never felt this way about anyone before."


My Reply...

Hi Fiona,

Thank you for writing to me and for your question.
Now here is the bad news:
You are doomed.
OK, that is a bit over the top, so let me soften it a bit.

You are PROBABLY doomed.
No matter how attracted to or in love with the man you are, courting (or having an affair) with a married man is a bad idea.
Is it possible he is telling you the truth about his "sham" of a marriage . . . that he is truly and passionately in love with you and that he really IS going to leave his wife as soon as the kids hit high school?
And it is even more possible that he is using you. 

And I am not even saying he is doing it on purpose.
He may believe every word he is telling you... be addicted to your smile... spend long nights fantasizing about holding you in his arms.
And in the end you are going to waste years on a man who cannot and will not give you what you want.
And in the end you are going to lose.
So here is what you do...
Tell him "Call me when you're actually single and the ink on the divorce papers is dry."  

I mentioned that point in the article!
And then walk away. 

Do not be his lover. 

Do not be his friend. 

Go out and try to find a man who is actually available. 

They exist, I know.

My very BEST advice for you Fiona... WALK AWAY! 

Yes, you will have hurt feelings, you will get over them and save your self a ton of trouble.

And I would say exactly the same thing to a man getting involved with a married woman... WALK AWAY!

If you want help and support dealing with your feelings, then please do contact me and we can arrange some coaching sessions.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Go check out the article I posted about getting involved with a married man...

Now for Kate's Question via Facebook.......My boyfriend watches lots of porn.
"Dear Ange,

My boyfriend has stopped finding me sexually attractive because he watches too much porn.
I normally don't care if a guy watches porn. But he admitted to saying he never lusts after me anymore because I don't act like a porn star or look like a porn star. He told me that even if  I DID act like a porn star and get all dressed up like that it would be fake and he wants someone that acts like that naturally. 
Is this normal or OK? I'm really hurt."

Kate... UK 

My Reply...

Hi Kate,
Thank you for writing to me and for your question.
What a d*%k head.
OK, your boyfriend might be a perfectly nice guy and I am sure there is a reason you fell in love with him in the first place and right now he is being idiotic and cruel.
If you have read my other replies or articles I have posted on this subject you know I have no problem directly with porn. (Most guys watch porn and many women do. It is only a problem when it gets excessive or when they start turning to porn INSTEAD of real life sex.) 

And that is a REAL issue along with a few others issues related to porn.
And this guy is setting himself up for a lifetime of disappointment and obviously is not equipped for a relationship with a real woman.
A couple quick things...
A. You are hot. I checked out your picture on Facebook and you are a very attractive woman and certainly worthy of being lusted after.
B. The fact that you are willing to do some role playing and pretend to be a porn star for your boyfriend gets you massive "Good Girlfriend" points.
C. It is ALWAYS fake..."real" porn stars are not like that either. 

I have never in my life met a woman who actually LIKE'S being taken in the arse by a 12 inch cock.
The reason why this guy is fixated on porn stars can be debated to the end of the earth (like I said, I am not against porn and I do not think it is healthy that 12 and 13 year old's and even younger are being exposed to hard core pornography as their first example of sexuality... and I would like to see something done about this.)
Some advice...
1. Give him one more chance to come back to reality and then leave him. 

Being with a guy who holds you up against a ridiculous standard is horrible for your self esteem.
2. Remember... this is not about you... he is fixated on the unattainable and you deserve better.
3. He is the one with a serious issue... not you.

4. If he is on the internet all the time watching porn, that is not about just an occasional "jolly."

That is an ADDICTION, he is a porn addict! 

And needs "therapy coaching" to deal with his addiction.

Yes Kate, there is such a thing as "Porn Addiction" and it is becoming more and more common in men and evidence is emerging that women are becoming "porn addicts" too.

Have a read of this "in depth" article I wrote about "porn addiction" and sexual sexual dysfunction.

You will find it very helpful.

Give him one more chance to sort himself out... if he really "values" you he will do it. If not it is simple.

Leave him, and find yourself a man who enjoys making love with a REAL woman.

Value yourself Kate and do not measure yourself against "porn" actors.

Because that is all they are really... actors. 

Where is the Love and Intimacy in porn sex?

If you need help.

Please do Contact Me.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And the last question for this edition is from another Shelly on Facebook who asks....

"Would you end a good thing with someone you've fallen in love with because you know they deserve better?"

Hi Shelly,

Great (and PAINFUL) question and a couple things in the way you phrased your (delightfully short) question concern me.

And before we get to that, let us talk about a few situations in which it is BEST to let someone go . . .

It is ALWAYS best to let a guy go (even if you are desperately  in love with him) if...

1. You are emotionally or physically abusive to him (and I do hear from women regularly who say they are physically abusive to their men. End the relationship. Get therapy.)

2. He's emotionally or physically abusive to you. (There is no excuse for laying a hand on a woman and no matter what you tell yourself he is not going to change... this goes double if you have kids since they are learning awful lessons.)

3. If you are emotionally unavailable.

4. If you fight all the time and simply are not happy in the relationship even if you love each other like crazy. 

Love is not always enough.,, you have to like each other too.

And from your question I do not get the feeling any of these categories apply to you. 

You say "would you end a "good thing" because you know they deserve better."

And my question in response is "how could toy do better than a good thing?"

If you love him and he loves you... if you enjoy each other's company... if you swoon when he holds you in his arms .  
If  you do everything you can to make his life better and if he does everything he can in return . 

Well, I am not sure it really gets "better" than that. 

Unless we are talking about trying to breed to super humans to create some kind of ULTRA BABY.

It sounds to me like you have got some self esteem issues and some of what I call "toxic insecurity." 

And in order to really be loved you have to love yourself. 

If you love him and he loves you... (and maybe he sees you better than you see yourself) I do not see any reason to end it. 

How about instead of pushing him away, you just do the work to be the wonderful woman you think he deserves?

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Thank you for all your GREAT QUESTIONS!

And that wraps up this issue of Intimate Communion Magazine Questions.

As ever...

Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

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