Intimate Communion Magazine Social Courting Relationship
And Sex Questions Issue 23 

By Ange Fonce

And welcome to this edition of The Intimate Communion Magazine Readers Questions?

In this edition... I answer questions from you about love... sex... relationships... fantasies... exploration... and worry‏... that both men... and women sent to me via e mail. 

So read on...

Do you ever feel like a man is so "important" to you that he is worth all the pain he causes you?

To the point of where you are "second guessing" yourself all the time... and working so hard to figure out how to behave and what to say to make the "relationship" happen?

As if things would change if you could just get what to do and say RIGHT?

Meanwhile... here is a letter from "Alice"... you will see why I call her Alice instead of what she calls herself... who is struggling with making a man too important... right from the first meeting.

Our First Question is from a Lady who called herself "Stupid!"

"Dear Ange,

I recently met a guy at my best friend's wedding. He was the photographer and I immediately noticed him. He approached me and we talked a little bit.
At the reception later that night, in between taking pictures, he would come sit next to me at our table where we would continue to talk. 
Before I left he pulled out my phone and put his number in it. I insisted that he have mine in his phone also because I would rather he called me.

Later that night I called to thank him for his company (stupid choice 1). The next night he called to ask how the second reception had gone that he couldn't attend and we talked a little bit. A few nights later I called to ask the name
of a book that he recommended I read. I told him I had 'forgotten' the name....(stupid choice 2)  how sly I thought I was. 

It's only been a few  days, but I can't help thinking I've ruined it.  He lives nearly three hours away, so I don't know when we will see each other next, if at all.

I know I shouldn't have ever called. Have I  ruined any chance I might have had to woo him? 
I promised myself I wouldn't call anymore, and I won't... so now where does that leave me? 
Is there anything I can do?"

Stupid... UK

My Reply...


Thank you for contacting me and your message.

First... please no more calling yourself or anything you do "stupid."

We all make mistakes... and sometimes it is our mistakes... catching them and figuring out how to not make them again... that can HELP us more than anything else.

It is the going through the process of "trial and error"... that has gained me the "experience" and "awareness" of where I am today... so a little "trial and error" will help you too... and guide you to stop repeating the same "mistakes"... so you will "know how avoid these mistakes" in future dealings with a man... and most "important" of all... build your own Personal Confidence and Esteem!

So what has really happened here? 

Now let us see what is going on with you... first before we go any further... I am going to call you "Alice"... why... for "Alice In Wonderland"... who is on a grand adventure.

Yes... "Alice" leaned forward and chased this man by calling first... and quickly... and then... yes... she called again. 

Now what do you think is the "mistake" that is really causing all the "problems" for Alice?

It is not just what she is doing... calling... it is her "attitude" inside... her "mindset!"

And that attitude is... 

"This guy talked to me at a party... he obviously liked me because he put his number in my phone... and now I am ALL HUNG UP ON HIM."

And yes... the metaphor is intentional... "hanging on the telephone."

Men do all kinds of things... they act like they are in love with you... and then forget about you... they say things to you and then they change their minds... they are motivated to reach out to you for ALL KINDS of reasons... just like women do... is that not right?

Raised eyebrow here and "knowing look"... all you "getting" me Alice?

It is easy to look at Alice email and say... 

"I bet the moment he realized she lived 3 hours away... he lost interest."

And yet... I have a past client who married a man that when they met... lived 5 hours away... she had an "engagement ring" within 2 months... moved to his city in 6 months and was married in less than a year.

So how do I know?

Here is where NOT calling... at least not so fast... comes in handy... if you do not call... you get to find out "how excited" he is about you... you get to see if he is "excited enough" to at least... call you. 

If he is not excited enough to call... the rest of the trip to the wedding is going to be much more torturous... even if you could manage to create it... even if he lost your number... he WILL track you down if he is "excited"... about you.

Three hours away would seem like nothing to him... in my experience... a man KNOWS when he has found a woman he is "excited" about... do not forget I am ONE... a MAN!

He may not KNOW he knows at first... yet he knows instinctively... and most often... he DOES know from the beginning... he even tells his friends... 

"I met this woman..."

If that is not happening for him... what usually goes on is he either stops it at the beginning and never follows up.. or he will "meet up" with you and tries to turn you into his ONE.

In other words... he may like you so much... and like having sex with you so much... and admire you... and like having you around so much that he TRIES to fall "in love" with you.. and WANTS to fall for you... and does not... it is as though you expect.. if all the puzzle pieces are there... and you have spent enough time together, that a man will FALL... as though it is a given that "liking" leads to "love."

And that is not how it works... if you are honest with yourselves... it does not work that way for women... either... you can not talk yourself into being "in love" just because you "think" you want to be in "love."

And NO man can fall in love with a woman who is pushing herself on him... "chasing him" trying to be clever and act like she does not care... when in fact she does care a lot!

So it was not even Alice calling the photographer that destroyed any chance there was for a relationship to happen... it was her attitude that he was so IMPORTANT!

He was so important that she could not wait to see what HE would do... instead... she should have continued flirting with every man everywhere... "courting" up a storm... and FORGETTING about him... or any man who does not call... so if you are finding yourself thinking about a man... especially one you have just met or been out with only a few times... rethink this.

Step back... and ask yourself... 

"Why am I doing this... making him so important... why am I assuming he needs some help... that he needs me to call him... even though he has my number?"

If you can learn to let men run through your life... without landing on one or letting one get under your skin... everything will change for you!

All of a sudden men will not be so important... and as great as that will be for your insides... you will feel "steadier" and more "personally confident"... it will have an incredible affect on the men you meet or the man you already have.

Instead of playing the "I am hard to get" game... and bouncing back and forth in your mind trying to figure out what to do... call or do not call... do this or do not do that... you will be free to flirt with all men... spend your time and energy in a way that feels good to YOU... and you will actually... authentically BE hard to get... and every man who gets anywhere near you will be able to pick up on that.

Your "vibe" will change dramatically... from the inside out.

A man will sense that he has to work hard to be with you... and most men LOVE to work hard and WIN a woman... a woman with a Personal Confidence and Esteem... does not NEED a man... you like a man... yet you do not need him... and you will not chase him either... if he is interested... he is going to have to call you... because you do not NEED to make him important... you will be as far from "needy" as a woman can get... and Personal Confidence will just "radiate" out of you... so if you do not want to make the same "mistake" for next time... yes... like  DO NOT call... it will help you get so much better results... do not worry so much about what you do and say.

Instead... vow to make sure he is just not that IMPORTANT to you... you will see... it will go better next time.

So... if you feel compelled to call a man when he has not given you the time of day... STOP.

Re read my reply to you... take my advice to heart... and tell yourself that you will NOT chase after a man.

It does not do you any good... and it does not "make" him come around to wanting to be in a "relationship" with you.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And now onto Gwens question...

"Hello Ange,

I was wondering what you would you think this guy is interested? How should I talk to him?

I have seen him before at the library when I get a computer.  The local library has different branches and I have seen him at two of them.  

I remember in the fall of last year when I asked for a computer he made a statement that "I think I have seen you at..." and he named the branch.

Anyway, about a month ago I went to get a computer (a day I normally don't go to at this branch) and he happened to be the one working. I was shocked. most likely, as it had been last year when I saw him last. 

I guess I liked him then but didn't talk to him. I figured he would talk to me if he was interested. 

Well, that night I went to my car (I parked on the street) and happened to glance up to see who was nearby about to cross the street as I was looking for my keys. 

I didn't notice him at first and when I did I looked back and smiled and he said, "Hey" and I said, "Hey" and went back to looking for my keys. 

Would that mean anything? I never can think of something to say at the moment until afterwards.

I saw him at the other branch about a week later when I got a computer.

Then, I think it was a couple of weeks when I saw him yet again when I was at the library but didn't ask for a computer. 

Well, last week (about 2 weeks or so since I saw him last) I asked for a computer and he said "Gwen, right?"  

He knew my name.  He remembered my name.  

If he remembered my name, does that mean anything?  It was about 4 weeks ago when I gave him my name for a computer and he remembered.

Are these occurrences good signs, or am I imagining?

How should I talk to him?  Is there something to say when I check out or get a computer?  How would I know if he is interested?

I haven't been able to pick up on anything yet.

Thank you,"

Gwen... Virginia... USA

My Reply...

Hello Gwen,

Thank you for writing to me and your question.
Well from what you describe it is VERY clear that he likes you... he is showing all the signs...  he has engaged you in conversation several times now and he even remembered your name.

And here is something you are probably not expecting me to say...  he most likely “thinks” you are not interested in him at all... it does not sound like the conversations you have had with him inside the library have gone very far at all..., even though it appears he has attempted to make small talk. 

And when he greeted you outside where your car was and your response was to simply say...


Then you turn your attention to looking for your keys you might as well have said... 

"I do not want to talk to you..."

Regardless of whether that was true OR not... that is a huge blow to a man... and he is unlikely to press you any further for conversation.

Interestingly... most... if not all men report that it requires them to muster ALL of their courage to approach a woman they have never met before and talk to her.... do you know that... because it is true!
Men are typically VERY AFRAID of being laughed at and told "no"...perhaps in a publicly humiliating manner... even though the VAST majority of women are  polite and would NEVER be rude to a man who was respectful toward you... because of the “bad mannered nature” of the "bitches" out there... men are very much afraid of living that nightmare.
Knowing that... if a man actually DOES try to start a conversation and continues to talk to you it is safe to assume that he likes you... also given that his job gives him the opportunity to interact with dozens of people every day... if he makes a point to remember your name then that is VERY significant.

Next time... talk and flirt with him by smiling and laughing at anything funny he might say so that he can get at least a subtle indication that you are enjoying the interaction with him... you will be amazed at how even a simple measure of approval like this will afford him a MASSIVE dose of "confidence" to ask for your number... or even to ask you out on the spot.

Be sure to relax and enjoy the conversation as you would with anyone else... even though your mind is probably racing with excitement...  after all... you do not freeze up when you talk to women or your girl friends... right?  

You can do this... you can absolutely help carry the conversation too.  

For example... 

You might ask how long he has been working for the library...  or you could ask a question like... 

"What is your favourite book here?"  

Those would be the simple... basic ways to press the "easy button" without much chance of fumbling your words... and if you are feeling more spunky and creative you could also reach for something funny to say yourself.

For example... 

When he recalled having seen you at the other branch you might have responded with... 

" you have a twin brother working at the other branch also... I think I remember seeing someone who looks like you there?" 

Whatever you say... smile when you say it...  never forget to SMILE.

Be sure to talk about the latest interesting YouTube video you have seen or the most curious thing you have read recently instead of politics... religion or anything else that is controversial... avoid any negative ideas... keeping the conversation fun... and even playful.

Since he likes you he WILL try to continue the conversation... and you really do have to show some interest in him too...  the good news is that you do not have to throw yourself at him... it can all be subtle... just like I have described... coming off as friendly AND female does not at all have to imply that you are either too "forward" or too "available."  

It is unfortunate that some that some women feel like they need to become total "non reactors" around men... lest they get the "wrong idea" about you... the "wrong idea" that men typically get in that case is that you DO NOT have any interest in them whatsoever...after all... they are human just like you.

Consider that "non-reaction" is one of the most frequent reasons why perfectly sweet and adorable women find themselves not being asked for a next “meet up”...  ironically... it is because the man usually thought she did not like him!   

Next time this man talks to you Gwen... engage him in conversation back... and if he asks you out to “meet up”... agree!

Go out with him and find out who the man is... you never know... he might turn out to be a real cool man.

Let me know how you get on.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And now a Great Question from Rebeca...
"Hello Ange,

Thank you so much for everything you do! I am a huge fan of you and really love what you have to say.

I really value a mans opinion and would love your take on this. I have been dating for about 6 months now and about 3 months ago I met a very nice man @ my church. 

About a month later we started dating so we've been just dating for about 2 months now. I'm still seeing other guys, but we've been seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week. 

He's been absolutely wonderful and I find myself enjoying his company. 

We've been on some very expensive dates, it doesn't matter to me what we do though, it just feels good spending time with him, but he HAS been very generous and giving.

The problem is the better part of a week has gone by with almost no contact. 

He is scheduled to leave town tomorrow for business for 2 weeks and it feels really weird that we haven't seen each other this week, since we've been seeing each other 2-3 times a week. 

He sent a text at the start of the week saying, "Good morning gorgeous. Have a great Monday."  I replied back to him, but nothing...

So whats going on?  Should I call? Text? Wait to hear from him when he gets back?  Am I making a big deal out of nothing?  

My mind is trying to go back and reply things to see if I did anything 'wrong' and its also saying 'oh he's just busy with work, 

Maybe I was putting out a stronger vibe that when we first started dating?  I just don't know.

My mom tells me to text him, because he might feel like hes put out all this effort, and that I'm not reciprocating (I don't know how this would be the case though, I've made time for him, let him kiss me, been very open to his company, am I missing something?  Do I need to do something else?)

The truth is, it feels crappy, and I'm feeling confused as to what would be the best thing to do.

What do you think, Ange?  Thank you!"


Rebecca.... USA

My Reply...

Dear Rebecca: 

Thank you for writing to me and your message. 

First of all... thank you for the kind words.

Your question touches upon a topic that most women will encounter sooner than later in their “courting lives”... for sure.

If you have had a pattern of communication with a man for a couple of months that suddenly changes out of the blue I think it is reasonable to wonder what happened.  

I would pick up the phone... call him and ask him if everything is alright over there...  nothing more than that... then when he calls back... just let him talk.... DO NOT make assumptions or force the issue... he will tell you whatever needs to be said.  

If, however... he makes "small talk" for a good ten minutes as if nothing ever happened... feel absolutely free to simply state that it was “unusual” not to hear from him for four days...  then again... let him talk. 

Admittedly... it is flat out bizarre that he would text you with something so positive and THEN fall off the map like that... it safe to say SOMETHING is up for sure... and it could really be ANYTHING... and likely NOT something that kept him out of the communication loop for four full days.  
With that in mind... I have to prepare you... even if things looked rosy on the surface... it is not typical of a man who is really psyched about a woman to leave her hanging for four days after having been in the habit of seeing her a few times a week. 
Unfortunately... lots of men are very bad at coming clean and providing closure with women they are no longer interested in... they tend to really... really dread negative emotional responses from women... it is not that they are bad men necessarily... it is just that they are wusses...  plain and simple.

Then again... he could call you right as I am typing this reply to you and everything will be fine...  he may have broken down in the desert with no cell phone signal and rescued by a helicopter just this afternoon... maybe he did pass out cold and has been in a coma at the local hospital since Monday afternoon...  even then... I would to hear the explanation spoken in plain English... and nether of the above scenarios is likely... of course.

And no matter what... a quick call from you at this point when the pattern has clearly shifted is not needy or clingy...  on the contrary... it is indicative of “self respect.”

Meanwhile... enjoy being social with the other men you are “meeting” up with... you are in the position to be the "chooser" rather than the "chaser."

Oh... and by the way... him calling you THREE MONTHS from now as if everything is "fine" would NOT be "fine."

Let me know how you get on.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And that wraps up this issue of The Intimate Communion Magazine Readers Questions... thank you for all your GREAT QUESTIONS!

Until the next edition of your “Readers Questions.”

Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

And are DYNAMIC lovers.

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange is an  Author.. Speaker... and International Peak Performance Psycho Dynamic Coach... and Counselling Psychologist who works with men... and women who desire to "evolve" and "transform" themselves to become Dynamic Lifers from around the World!

Your Questions And Inquiries...

If you would like to send me an e mail about a problem you are experiencing that I can answer... it will enable me to write a helpful response much more quickly if you keep it to a simple format... as you can imagine... I am a busy Man... so here are the guidelines...

1... Your question must be no more than 3... 4 paragraphs... please.

2... Get as specific as you can... and to the point... the details help me really get a feel for your unique situation.

3... You will not abuse my trust in you... as I will not abuse your trust in me.

4... You will not send customer support emails and spam to my contact email... if you do that you will not get a response and I will probably have to stop being so open with my time and providing a FREE advice service. 

Seriously... I want to help you... and to do that I need you to respect my time as much as I respect yours... and allow 2...  4 days for me to get back to you.

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