Intimate Communion Magazine Social Courting Relationship 
And Sex Questions Issue 22 

Sex Questions Special

By Ange Fonce

And welcome to this edition of The Intimate Communion Magazine Readers Questions?

In this edition... I answer questions from you about love... sex... relationships... threesomes... fantasies... exploration... and worry‏... that both men... and women sent to me via e mail. 

As always... I would love to hear your views and you can comment on any one of these questions... and offer up your opinion using the comments box at the side of this web page.

In this issue... the “focus” of the questions are about "sex" in great detail... and I share a whole bunch “advice” dealing with “sex”... and “tips” on having orgasms during intercourse... in “great detail”... some readers have asked me about the difference between vaginal and clitoral orgasms... how to have one... or the other... or both... or in some cases... either!

Read all the questions and my replies and you will likely find exactly the advice and tips you are looking for to take your sex life to the next level!

Now here is a common question I am asked both through e mail and in the real world...

Your wife or girlfriend tells you that she has a fantasy of being with 2 men... how do you handle it?
 
I am sure there are some “adventurous readers” of The Intimate Communion Magazine who would say...

"Bring it on... I will call up my friend Mike!" 

Or on the other end... there will be readers who will say...

"Break up with that whore immediately!"
 
Yet for most of us... this would raise some questions within us... about what to do with that announcement?
 
Now understand... MOST women are likely to at least have this as a fantasy once in a while... and if she is telling you about it... then that is actually really POSITIVE...  it means you have done a GREAT JOB of creating a relationship where your woman feels comfortable sharing the full range of her sexual desires with you.
 
Here is one reader who deserves credit for creating that kind of relationship with his woman...
 
 Question...

“Hey Ange,
 
Just had my girl tell me that she had a really sexual dream of being with two guys for the first time. She said it was real hot. We've had threesomes with girls before, but not a guy.
 
Ange I'm totally uncomfortable and would NOT want to do this with her. It may be hot to think about as a fantasy but god I wouldn't want that to happen. I have anxiety about what things that could lead to. BUT I also know I shouldn't ever judge a women's fantasy. I know the reason she felt okay telling me is that I've created a safe relationship where she can let her dirtiest fantasies out.

But what now? She asked if I'd ever be comfortable with that. I told her it was hot and that I wasn't sure, maybe, but who knows how it'd be in real life.
 
How do I tell her it's not something I would be okay with, without making her feel like she can't express her inner dirty desires to me... This has made me feel real insecure for some reason (and I'm normally very secure with sexuality and exploring things)
 
Thanks for the advice."
 
Name and address withheld for privacy and confidentiality. 
 
My Reply... 

And it is an “in depth” reply... because this question is more then just “sex”... it is about  “trust” and “intimacy” too...

Dear...

Thank you for your message and writing to me...

First... I am going to go into some detail here... and the big picture... important advice that you NEED TO GET in this situation... and here is my first piece of “advice”... settle down.
 
Obviously this situation is causing you some anxiety... and most men would certainly feel the same way...  so let us dig in... take a deep breath and fill up with all the good news here.
 
1)  You have a woman so sexually open with you that she is willing to invite other women into your bed.... only a small percentage of men manage this despite the fact that the vast majority of women have bisexual fantasies and many... not all, obviously... secretly wish their man would take charge and make it happen.
 
2)  You have got her so impressed by your own level of sexual confidence that she is unafraid to bring up the most taboo subject of all to a man... inviting another MAN into your bed.  
 
That is a huge vote of confidence in your confidence!
 
3)  You did not freak out and shut her down and make her feel bad... wrong... or slut shame her for having a fantasy.
 
In other words... you are the real deal my friend...  a “sexually confident masculine man” and obviously a great lover for your woman... so... YOU DO NOT NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A HUMAN.

To the degree that you are down on yourself for being a bit freaked out about another man entering your womans holiest of holies... you feel a sense of shame...  and shame is the enemy here... and after all... she is confident enough to bring other attractive women in... so you have some evidence to back up your shame around your discomfort...
 
Which is why you are talking to ME about this instead of HER.
 
Now... remember the advice I gave you earlier...  “settle down”... have courage... and here is a step by step guide on how to handle this...
 
1)  The “good” news.... you already did the first thing RIGHT... you DID NOT shame her for her desires.
 
The second a woman feels a tiny hint of you shaming her for having sexual desires she will share them with her vibrator... her best friends... and possibly the man she is having an affair with... AND never again with YOU.
 
Women... like men... ARE human...  and part of the human condition is having all sorts of deep... powerful... and often really kinky sexual desires and cravings.
 
2)  Do not assume that just because she has a fantasy... that she NEEDS to... or even WANTS to... live it out in real life.
 
I have had many fantasies about fighting a dual with razor sharp swords with some bad guy that is terrorizing a group of damsels in distress...  in my fantasy... by the way... I always win with stunning skill and grace... and get the woman... and then RAVISH her. 
 
Do I really want a man swinging sharpened steel at me?
 
Hell no... not for real... yes I sword fight for sport... the REAL DEAL... hmm... no thank you.
 
Sexually speaking... most men... myself included... have indulged in fantasies ranging from the immoral to the absolutely illegal... and most of us do not want to act them in real life... and we certainly do not NEED to act them out in real life.  
 
Now... in your case... it sounds like your girlfriend WANTS to try this out in real life...  and I assure you... she does not NEED to... and if you stay cool... she is not going to be disappointed... leave... cheat... think you are a big pussy... or anything like that...  and you have my personal guarantee on that... because...
 
3)  You can still enjoy this kind of thing as a fantasy.
 
If she wants to play... then PLAY.
 
You can buy a life like dildo... and if you shut the lights off there are all kinds of creative ways that you and your toy can "double team" your girl that you will both enjoy.  
 
You can also become different men for her by taking on different persona while sexing her... try tying her wrists and blind folding her and then having a large group of very different men take turns having their way with her... all of them actually you of course.
 
I am pretty sure she will love it... and almost certainly would NOT love having a train run on her in real life...  some things are just better in fantasy... like my sword fight.
 
Yet... what if she wants... more?
 
4)  Look... first of all... before you can have a clean conversation with her about it... you have to get it clean with YOUR SELF.
 
Why are you not okay with bringing in another man?
 
Let me share some “biological and psychological science” with you...
 
There is a biological imperative wired into your male DNA that no other man can touch your woman?

You are afraid of losing her?

You are afraid he will have a bigger cock...  a harder cock...  F69k her harder...  that she will like it better and fantasize about him afterwards?

That another man in the room will be so anxiety producing that you will not be able to get it up and you will stand their helplessly with your limp penis in your hand while the man you brought home together pounds your woman into a frenzy of animalistic orgasms?
 
Smiles... sorry... I know it is tough to think about... all of us men have this wiring... and to the degree that we hide from it... it controls us as shame.
 
And to the degree that you can look at yourself and say.... 

"Yes... here is where my fear and discomfort are... and I am cool with that... I am fine as I am.... it is okay to be a human with human fears." 

Then you are the Master...  you know your limits... and that is okay.
 
Sit inside of those feelings of fear and inadequacy... examine the "worst thing that could happen"...  and realize you will live through it...  I am saying "you will like it"...  I am saying you would live through it.
 
Once you can be okay with your self and not feel shame around it... you can have an “open conversation” with your woman and explain what you are willing... and what you are NOT willing to do in comfortable way.
 
When you both have an understanding of where your fears come from... and recognize your desire to grow past your fears... which does not necessarily mean that you will EVER want to bring in another man... then SHE WILL  NOT WANT TO bring a man in either.  
 
She may still fantasize about it and desire it... and she will not want to do it in real life because she will be clear that she has got the better end of the deal already...  she will respect your limits without feeling like she is giving anything up.
 
Some day... perhaps because of her clear choice to respect your limits as a man... and your own desire to face your fears... you two might cross that line together...  or maybe you will not...  the mature thing for your relationship is that you are both okay with not knowing the answer to that question.
 
5)  And what about the fact that she is “allowing” in women...  is that not unfair?
 
No it is not.  
 
First of all... men and women are different...  womens deep insecurities lie in different locations and there are differences in the way we are biologically wired... that is even more true of us as individuals...  some men and women are just more comfortable as swingers...   just because she is wired to be okay with it... does not mean that you have to be... and vice versa.
 
Second... and this really is important... though you did not mention it... I would wager a sum of cash that your woman likes other women... and do not get upset here... there are far more “bi sexual” and “bi curious” women around then you could imagine... which is to say... you are BOTH enjoying bringing that woman in and you are sharing her together... so take that as a BIG bonus... that you have such a woman you are in a “relationship” with.
 
And I am also willing to wager a bunch of cash that YOU are not bisexual... and you do not like men sexually...  so if you brought a man in... you would not be sharing him together.  
 
This is a pretty significant difference...  and while plenty of straight men can enjoy a male... male... female threesome... it often becomes competitive and weird... and the odds of the vibe becoming negative are much higher than for a male... female... female threesome.
 
NOW...
 
Do these steps in order and you will be fine.
 
Do these in reverse order and logically explain to her that two dudes is bad and two girls is good... and you will make her feel judged.
 
And if you do these in order... and do YOUR WORK FIRST... and get clear and COMFORTABLE... unafraid and unashamed of being a human with human limitations... then she will completely understand this conversation.
 
And lastly... I gotta put in a shameless pitch here because sexual and personal confidence  is so relevant to this conversation... if you have anxiety around the idea of your woman being with other men... 

Then please contact me and we can work through the issues together... she deserves the “fullness” of the confident masculine man inside of you.
 
Yours Sincerely
 
Ange Fonce
 
 
P.S...  You can also buy a strap on... and the next time you two invite a woman back... you can play a whole new game that I think both girls will love.

Next Question... is from Ben who asks me...

“hi ange my girlfriend gets orgasms but she only cums when i go down on her i want to know how i can change that ange, and is it me or her. sure your articles have helped a lot shes a lot more satisfied an worn out an havin shivers when iam finished so I am thankin u so very much 4 showin me dat i always had it inside THANKS!"

Ben... UK

My Reply...

Dear Ben,

 i'm glad dat you guys r havin so much fun 2gether. 

Man... text speak!  

It sounds like great sex to me and there is no doubt that you will be giving her orgasms during intercourse very soon.

Yet... first things first...  your biggest problem right now is revealed in the question...

"Is it me or is it her?"  

It is not you OR her that is preventing her from having an orgasm during intercourse.  

That is just negative thinking...  it is nobody's "fault"...  because there is nothing "wrong."  

Worse...  thinking that something might be "wrong"... or it could be somebody's fault is exactly the kind of pressure that prevents people from EVER having an orgasm... because when they should just be turned on and having a great time and allowing themselves to feel all those good feelings... instead they are thinking about what might be "wrong."

Stop that “thinking” immediately.  

Talk to your girl and apologize for ever having that question on your mind... and then make a pact that you will each support each other in ridding your relationship of that kind of thinking... it will not be easy... and it is a noble and beautiful intention to set with each other.

It is often the case for women to have orgasms more easily from clitoral stimulation than from inside the vagina... and oral is one of the best ways of giving women clitoral stimulation.

Here are 2 things you can do to help her to open to experiencing vaginal orgasms as well.

1) When you are going down on her... insert a finger or two and stroke along the top wall of her vagina.  

If you find a place that feels good for her... pay attention to her body and her breathing and you will know when you have found the spot... keep a nice rhythm on that spot... that will begin to train her body to feel internal vaginal pleasure during her clitoral orgasm.  

Experiment with stopping the tongue motion while you are doing this... and see how it feels for her...  then you can start it again to finish her off.  

Eventually she will get this pleasure linked up inside of her mind... and she will get a lot more out of it when you are making love.

2)  Use your fingers on her clitoris when you are inside of her.

If she has clitoral orgasms more easily and you want her to come during intercourse... this is an easy solution... there are many positions where it is easy to get to her clit while you are having sex.

Try laying her on the edge of the bed while you are standing up between her legs... or have her lie on her belly with your hands beneath her and enter her from behind... or anything else you want to play around with... then it's easy for you... to give her clitoral stimulation at the same time.

Someone once said to me that they did not like doing that with their girlfriend because... "it felt like cheating."

What... how is it... "cheating?!"

It seems to me that if you have the opportunity to give her an orgasm during intercourse... and that it could be a beautiful experience for her... how can that be anything other than “positive pleasure?”

And most of all...  do not focus on what she “cannot” do...  it sounds like you two are having very satisfying sex right now...  “focus” on all the great pleasure you are sharing.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Now a QUESTION dealing with the same issue from a womans PERSPECTIVE...

“Hi Ange,

I am a young woman in her 20's getting a bit frustrated about her orgasms. I can orgasm fine when my clitoris is stimulated, by me or my partner, but not from any form of penetration. I have tried doing it with vibrators on my own and I still cant get anywhere close. I get better sensations from sex, just no orgasm. And when I try and stimulate my clitoris during sex its like it goes a bit numb. So pretty much everything works fine on the 'outside' but the 'inside' seems to be a bit of a problem. Any advice going?"

Name withheld for privacy and confidentiality ... Scotland.

My Reply...

Dear …

Thank you for you message and writing to me.

Okay... my first piece of advice is...

Stop being frustrated by what sounds like very good sex... there are many... many women who cannot have orgasms at all... and many more who cannot have an orgasm with a man.. only when masturbating.

So you are already way ahead of the game... be nice to yourself and do not lose sight of the fact that you and your partner are sharing some “quality time” together and enjoying that time you share together... the shame is that you are having all this sexual pleasure... and you are focusing on some small part that makes you feel inadequate.

I think it is GREAT that you want to go further and learn even more about how you can share even deeper pleasure in your love making... that is great... and make sure you are not ruining the fun along the way by focusing on what you DO NOT have.

It is very common for women to have orgasms more easily through clitoral stimulation and there is nothing wrong with that!

You also mentioned... “that It goes a bit numb”... hat is also not at all uncommon...  what is really happening is that it is hard for your brain to process so much sensation all at once... so when you are enjoying the feelings of being filled up... even though it is not making you orgasm... it shuts off your ability to feel much else.

It is kind of like trying to rub your belly with one hand and pat your head with the other... your brain gets confused.

Have your partner try and start experimenting with finding your “g spot” with his fingers... you also want to experiment with changing the angle of penetration during love making... and also changing the rhythm... the right rhythm can make a profound difference... so be a little patient in finding this.

Then finally... when you feel like everything else is right and it feels really good... relax into it and think about how hot is for HIM.

Just enjoy whatever pleasure you are feeling in your body... do not focus on it or force it... just enjoy the pleasure and allow your mind to focus on HIM and his pleasure and how much he is enjoying being inside of you... how turned on he is getting... how good it feels on his penis to slide in and out of you.

By enjoying yourself enjoying HIS pleasure... you will get really turned on... and NOT thinking about your own orgasm will keep you from putting pressure on what is... or is not happening for you.  

This psychology WORKS.

Just relax and surf the waves of the pleasure without trying to force anything... and this part may sound silly... and trust me on this because it is important... DO NOT FORGET TO BREATH... many women hold their breath when they feel close to the edge and oxygen makes a big difference... smiles.

Enjoy yourself.

Yours Sincerely 

Ange Fonce

Next Question is from Helen and she asks me...

“Hi Ange,

I have question?

I am a woman and I just want to know, how can you tell if you have orgasmed? 

I have asked many of my friends and none of them can actually tell me if they have and what it felt like, so I would know if I am doing it. It seems like I might be doing one right and the other wrong. 

I use a vibrator when I am alone and it feels really good and all and it is like just suddenly my vagina starts to spasm and it is the most incredible feeling I get. 

This happens when the vibrator is touching just above my clitoris. And the other times, when it is inside me, I get this sensation like I have to pee. I totally do not have a clue what is going and which is an actual orgasm if I am having one at all. 

Please, I hope you can help clear this up for me.”

H.J... USA

My Reply...

Dear Helen,

Thank you for your message and writing to me.

Well... it sure sounds like an orgasm to me... the thing that really strikes me about your question is that none of your friends could tell you if THEY HAVE actually had an orgasm.

NONE of them?

That is really interesting to me.

Philosophers grapple with the question of how you can describe a colour to a man who has been blind from birth... how would you go about it... what words would you use to explain "green" or "red" to someone who has no frame of reference for the different colours?

And that raises the question of whether two people... say... you and me... really see these colours the same way inside our heads... and the answer is... no... we do not.  

Describing an orgasm might be difficult for the same reason...  women experience them differently... and you said... 

“When you hold a vibrator just above your clitoris and your vagina starts to spasm and it is the most incredible feeling."

Well... that sounds like a very good description of an orgasm.

When you hold it inside you say that you get the feeling that you have to pee... and that DOES sound like what a lot of women describe as the feeling right BEFORE they have a deep “squirting” orgasm... that feeling that you have to pee comes from the intra urethral glands filling with fluid... this happens during intense sexual stimulation and it is these glands that are responsible for the sensations you get when you touch the g spot... it is also where female ejaculation comes from.

So... if you continue experimenting with this stimulation... and especially if you touch your clitoris at the same time... and allow yourself to relax into it... you will probably have a powerful “squirting”  orgasm... and experience female ejaculation.

And I know from other women and being with women who “squirt”... they experience very powerful “spiritual” like feeling and feel incredible and “cleaned”... afterwards.

Put a couple of towels underneath you and keep playing...  or play in the bathtub... that way you will have the confidence to relax and let go... and see what happens!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And finally... this is not a question... it is a lovely “comment” I have received from a “local” guy... and long time reader of The Intimate Communion Magazine.

“Hi Ange,

I can only thank you for your great articles you write and share with us. My wife and I were on the verge of Divorce because our sex life or lack there of, was deplorable. It all started after giving birth to our little girl.

I read all your articles and use the advice you give and just followed your 3 simple steps of teasing her mind during the day and constantly touching her and calling her "sexy", and at night I let my hands do the work. 

Mate I had her so worked up, she was begging me to finish the job. I achieved what I thought was not possible....female ejaculation.

The orgasm she experienced was like no other, now I find it difficult to keep up, (I created a monster). If you have any other great tips to blow the orgasmic barriers I am all ears.

Thank you, from your biggest fan"

Robin... Portsmouth... UK

My Reply...

Dear Robin...

Thank you for your message and writing to me.

Smiles... Great stuff man...  I am humbled and honoured that you would give me any credit for holding your marriage together.

The fact is... it was YOU that kept your family in one piece by caring enough to actually do the work to FIND THE RIGHT RESOURCE that worked for you... and then took ACTION.

That takes courage... and it takes love.

Give me a call and we can arrange a “meet up”... and I will share with you even more deep and powerful “sexual” tips... that will help you both have years and years of wonderful... connected love making... and a deep and “intimate”... happy marriage that lasts forever.

Very Sincerely,

Ange Fonce


And that wraps up this issue of The Intimate Communion Magazine Readers Questions.. thank you for all your GREAT QUESTIONS!

Until the next edition of your “Readers Questions.”

Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

And are DYNAMIC lovers.

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

Ange is an  Author.. Speaker... and International Peak Performance Psycho Dynamic Coach... and Counselling Psychologist who works with men... and women who desire to "evolve" and develop themselves to become Dynamic Lifers from around the World!


Your Questions And Inquiries...

If you would like to send me an e mail about a problem you are experiencing that I can answer... it will enable me to write a helpful response much more quickly if you keep it to a simple format... as you can imagine... I am a busy Man... so here are the guidelines...

1... Your question must be no more than 3... 4 paragraphs... please.

2... Get as specific as you can... and to the point... the details help me really get a feel for your unique situation.

3... You will not abuse my trust in you... as I will not abuse your trust in me.

4... You will not send customer support emails and spam to my contact email... if you do that you will not get a response and I will probably have to stop being so open with my time and providing a FREE advice service. 

Seriously... I want to help you... and to do that I need you to respect  my time as much as I respect yours... and allow 3...  7 days for me to get back to you.




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