Intimate Communion Magazine Social Courting Relationship
And Sex Questions Issue 22

By Ange Fonce

And welcome to this edition of The Intimate Communion Magazine Readers Questions?

Where I answer questions from you about love... sex... relationships... men... and women sent to me via e mail. 

As always... I would love to hear your views and you can comment on any one of these questions... and offer up your opinion using the comments box at the side of this article.

in this issue... I answer a question about "On line Dating" in great detail... another about "Therapists"... close to home this question... and then a series of FACEBOOK questions.

The questions I reply in this issue is ...

Do I get him to write first or write to him? 

I think my therapist is interested in me." 

FACEBOOK Questions?

Now... let us start with Susan... who asks me advice about writing to a man on a dating site....


"Hi Ange,
First of all, thank you for your time. I do have some questions for you.
I would like to know if it is best to have a man contact me first or I contact I man who's profile I like.

1. Does looking at the men's profile count (they know when it's viewed) as a contact?
2. When I am really interested in a man, and in his profile he mentioned some specific things we have in common, can I email him first? 
3. If the man does not put his salary in his profile, when is a good time to ask this question? And how to ask it ?
Thank you."

Susan W... UK

My Reply...

Hi Susan,

Thank you for writing me...  I will be happy to answer your terrific questions.

1... "Does looking at the men's profile count... do they know when it is viewed?"

I personally like this feature...  I like to see the woman who have visited my on line profile.

And consider this... just in case you did not show up on his search for whatever reason... you will at least show up in his log as having viewed his profile.  

This gives him a chance to see you... and if he is intrigued he may send you an email.  

That way... you have at least given him an opportunity to email you first before taking matters into your own hands.
2... If you are really interested in a man... and in his profile he mentioned some specific things you have in common... what are you to do if you feel you want to email him first?
If you really want to write him first here are some tips on how to go about it.

Wait a reasonable bit of time from when you viewed his profile beforehand to give him a chance to respond.  

I followed that principle when I was online.  

Often times it worked and women wrote to me...  when it does not work... be sure to check your log to see if he looked at your profile.
Check also to see if he is even active on the site.  

If he has not been active for more than three days or a week you cannot really take the fact he has not checked you out personally... right?

Men tend to value their online interactions with women who return THEIR e mails than with women who contacted them first... and do not take that as a rule of thumb... I meet up with some very nice women who e mailed me first.

He will feel as if he has accomplished what he set out to do... which is getting a positive response from a woman HE made the decision to be interested in.
Notwithstanding that approach... if you decide to write him find something in his profile to comment about.  

Keep the message short... 2... 4 sentences lest you come off as REALLY needy...  do not write anything personal... like your address or contact information.

Here are a couple of phases I found on some actual profiles... and my ideas for potential responses...

This first man whose profile I found made it easy...

A... "Be sure to ask about the picture of the fire truck with the kids...cute story behind it."
Message Subject Line...  As you requested...
Message Body... What is the story behind the fire truck with the kids?
This man would probably appreciate that a woman actually responded according to his suggestion...  and since he asked.. does it not that make the likelihood of him continuing the conversation all the greater?

B... "I am also something and an epicurean/oenophilist...  so if you care to sit down over a good vintage wine and excellent meal to compliment it let me know... I am always looking for great parings of wine and cuisine."

Message Subject Line... Mr. Wine Aficionado.......

Message Body... Have you seen Charles Metcalfes on YouTube? I have traveled through France visiting the wineries... what a blast! Are you in a wine club?

Keep it simple and light...  compliments are fine...  men do like women's approval.  

And be sure to ask a question for him to have something to write back about.

If he does not write you back then move on to someone who is worth your time and energy.

3... If the man does not put his salary in his profile... when is a good time to ask this question... and how to ask it?"

I would avoid asking about salary directly.  

Men are very much on guard about women who appear to only have money signs in their eyes... and I can assure you I am one of those men... and rightly so!  

Still... it is natural for many women to desire a man who has ambition and who would be a good provider... right?  

You can ask what he does for a living usually by the first or second "meet up."   

Besides... how much he makes is less important than how he manages his income.  

He could make £100,000 per year and be £200,000 in debt and not able to cover the bills...  or he could make an average salary and have assets to show for his hard work...  something to think about.

All the best to you!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce


Sheena asks me . . . 

"I think my therapist is interested in me. A few weeks ago he put his wrist on my wrist. He stood very close to me once and Monday he put his hand on my hand. Do those gestures mean anything?"


My Reply...

Dear Sheena,

Thanks for your question and writing to me.

Let me answer your question with a question of my own.

Do you WANT your therapist to be interested in you?

Let us talk about confirmation bias.

Confirmation bias is a psychological concept that nests deep in the back of the human primal brain... 

The basic idea behind confirmation bias is that human beings tend to favor information that confirms their beliefs... hypothesis or even desires.

And that we IGNORE information that denies those same beliefs... hypotheses or desires.

Confirmation bias is RAMPANT in our culture... especially in politics... and sneaky marketers use it all the time to sell you stuff.

The way it works is like this...

At some point a part of your brain decided that it is possible your therapist is "interested" in you. 

And then the confirmation bias part of your brain went into crazy half drunk detective mode and started looking for any "proof" it could find at all that your therapist IS in fact interested in you.

Even worse... that same confirmation bias causes us to "transform" relatively innocuous stuff... a brush of a hand he may not have even noticed... into a GESTURE OF PROFOUND MEANING.

Confirmation bias works the other way as well... by the way... if you "suspect" that your man is cheating on you... your mind is going to go NUTS looking for "proof" that he is cheating even if he is not... and that is "dangerous" thinking.

So is your therapist "interested" in you?

Well... what do you mean by interested?

My gut is telling me that your therapist is a nice man who is interested in you as a client and as a human being... that he has got empathy... and that he is kind.

That he is maybe kinder to you and nicer to you than any other man in your life. 

And that part of you craves a really nice man like him to sweep you into his arms and take care of you.

And I can confirm this from real life experience as a "Counselling Psychologist" myself... I have had more than once the delicate situation of a woman I am working falling in "love" with me!

And there is no romance here. 

It is a mirage.

And if it was not a mirage it would be a dangerous dragon waiting to consume you both. 

He would very quickly lose his license and destroy his career by having any kind of "personal" relationship with his client... it is an ABSOLUTE NO NO as a Therapist to be romantically and sexually involved with a client!

And you would lose the chance to finish the work you are doing with him on yourself by pursuing something with your therapist.

So here is the hard bit of advice I have to give you... ask him about it. 

Tell him that you have been reading these signals from him over the last few weeks... describe what you have been feeling... if he is a good therapist... and I sincerely like to think he is.. this will not be the first time this sort of thing has happened and he will know exactly how to handle things.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And now for some FACEBOOK Questions... 

Question 1... Christina Ramirez (USA) asks me. . .

"When a man says 'let's get together soon" what does he mean  by soon? Days, weeks, months?"

My Reply...

Hi Christina, 

And thank you for you question.

It means the same thing as.. "it is not you... it is me"... or "we should really hang out more"... or "why do you not ever call me?"

Which means... it does not mean much.

If a man is really interested and has any guts at all... he would say "let us get together next week"... or something more specific.

In modern culture... vagueness is a "nice" way of blowing someone off.

Move on.


Question 2... Beky Hart (UK ) asks me. . .

"I don't know where I stand can you give me an idea? 

We had a great relationship for four years he was telling me that he loves me so much and wants to be with me and talking about the future etc. then with in less than 24 hours said he doesn't think he we should be together anymore, he just wants it to be over, he's really angry with me he feels like a bank because i didn't have a job for two months, and he felt unappreciated because I'm at home and he goes to work. 

he said he doesn't want to be around me, then he wants to be around me, he doesn't want to talk to me then he does, he doesn't care then he does, good luck with finding somewhere to live this weekend, thens angry and distant then keeps on trying to talk to me. 

i want him to feel appreciated and that i love and care for him. he said he's upset because of the un-appreciation. 

please can you advice me Ange thank you."

My Reply...

Hi Becky...

Thanks for your question.

Now on to your situation . ..

Hmm... there is SOMETHING going on here.

This guy sounds pretty volatile and like there is some pretty deep emotional stuff going on.

Now... the fact that you have been living off him for a couple months and that he feels "used" makes sense.

Nobody likes feeling taken advantage of and if he thinks you are living high on the hog off him while he is slaving away at a job he does not like... it is going to build MASSIVE resentment over time.

And his constant flip flopping shows there is still some level of affection or desire there.

So here is what you have to do if you can...

1.... Break up with him.

If he is going back and forth and putting you in limbo... you need to put a stop to that... that means making the hard choice to END the dysfunctional relationship you two have right now.

2... Stop being dependent on him.

I am assuming you have been looking for work... like a lot of other people.

And if you want any chance at all with this man you need to take away his "sugar daddy victim" card asap.

That means you need to move out of the apartment you share... move in with your parents if you need to... and totally separate your financial needs from him.

It is tough... and if you want a chance to make it work with this man this what you have to do.

All the Best,


Thank you for all your GREAT QUESTIONS!

And that wraps up this issue of Intimate Communion Magazine Readers Questions.

As ever...

Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

And are DYNAMIC lovers.

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

Ange is an  Author.. Speaker... and International Peak Performance Psycho Dynamic Coach... and Counselling Psychologist who works with men... and women who desire to "evolve" and develop themselves to become Dynamic Lifers from around the World!

Your Questions And Inquiries...

If you would like to send me an e mail about a problem you are experiencing that I can answer... it will enable me to write a helpful response much more quickly if you keep it to a simple format... as you can imagine... I am a busy Man... so here are the guidelines...

1... Your question must be no more than 3... 4 paragraphs... please.

2... Get as specific as you can... and to the point... the details help me really get a feel for your unique situation.

3... You will not abuse my trust in you... as I will not abuse your trust in me.

4... You will not send customer support emails and spam to my contact email... if you do that you will not get a response and I will probably have to stop being so open with my time and providing a FREE advice service. 

Seriously... I want to help you... and to do that I need you to respect  my time as much as I respect yours... and allow 3...  7 days for me to get back to you.

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