Intimate Communion Magazine Social Courting Relationship And Sex Questions Issue 21

By Ange Fonce

And welcome to this edition of The Intimate Communion Magazine Readers Questions... this edition is a FEMININE HEART Special.

Where I answer questions from you about love... sex... relationships... men... from women sent to me via e mail. As always, I would love to hear your views and you can comment on any one of these questions, and offer up your opinion using the comments box at the end of this article.

The questions I reply in this issue is ...

Do divorced women get more dates? 

Should I Take Back An Ex-Boyfriend? 

I Think he Was interested, But he "Still" didn't ask me?

So lets start with a question from Michele, who asks me advice about dating and divorced women


"Hello Ange,

Hope all is well.  I am a 35 year old woman who is pretty, funny, and has a great career, and great family and friends.  

My question is why is it that divorced women are such a HOT commodity as opposed to single, never married women like myself, when it comes to dating?  

I ask because a friend of mine recently divorced earlier this year, and men are beating her door down.  

All of her recent dates become sexual within the third date (way too fast for my taste) and the men do not take her to nice restaurants, but she is getting tons of attention.  

On the other hand, she tells me that "no man is going to wait for you to be ready after a few months of dating, that's why they do not stick around."  

The last man I date expected sex after our fourth date, but we had only known each other for 3 weeks.  

I was not comfortable with that and expressed that I would like to get to know him better and he said good luck, and never called again.  

She recently was taken to a fine dining restaurant by a man who she has been sleeping with and dating only on weeknights, last Thursday.  

He usually just takes her to an out of the way bar but they almost always have sex.  She sees the nice restaurant as a sign that he is getting more serious about her.  

I see it as a ploy to ensure that she keeps giving up the goods.  

What should I do?  Should I just give in to these men, although I am uncomfortable with that?  Thanks.


Michele... USA

My Reply...

Dear Michele.  

Thanks for your excellent message, one that I am sure lots of women can relate to.

To address your first question, I haven't personally seen a pattern of never-married women in their mid-30's "necessarily" getting fewer dates than their divorced counterparts.

While I can see the point that certain divorced men may find divorced women easier to relate to, being divorced certainly tends to involve "politics" (e.g. dealing with ex's, child custody battles, financial hardship, etc.) that a woman such as yourself would be unfettered by.

Men in your social milieu who have never been married themselves would no doubt be attracted to that, as would plenty of divorced men also who are ready for a "break" from drama rather than adding to it.

Now let us talk about the concept of comparing YOUR dating life to YOUR FRIEND'S dating life.

Ultimately, the type (and QUALITY) of the men you are attracting will ALWAYS be more important than the circumstances influencing the QUANTITY of men you are dating.

And apart from your previous marital histories, you simply must consider the differences between your dating STRATEGY and your friend's.

You have made it perfectly clear to men that you are not interested in casual sexual relationships.  That is YOUR DECISION, as your friend's respective decisions in that regard are HERS.

Yes, there are plenty of men out there who are looking for a fling.

Amazingly, and perhaps ironically, many of those SAME men are ALSO wanting to meet ONE GREAT WOMAN at some time in the future, and are settling for quick flings here and there as they "enjoy the ride" along the way.

Nowadays, many women actually feel the same way.

And that is their prerogative... what is important is that YOUR choices as far as how you conduct YOUR dating life are reflections of WHAT YOU WANT.

From there, you should not ever feel compelled to compromise.

Sure, my guess is that if you decided to partake in some casual sexual excitement of your own, you might have more men hanging around...including the one who told you "no thanks" after you stood your ground after that fourth date.

And even as you feel just a bit envious of your friend because of her "popularity," bear in mind that she may not be on the road to meeting a man who will commit to her long-term.

Trips to nice restaurants are not an accurate indicator of whether a man is "serious" or not.  

For example... some men might spend money on women because they expect something in return.

On the other hand, when a man IS serious about a woman he is generally all about spending time on weekends with her, not withstanding a schedule that causes him to work on weekends, etc.

Stand your ground if what you want is a man who will give you the kind of respect you deserve as a completely attractive woman on the inside and out, and who is as focused on finding a great long-term relationship as you are.

Those men REALLY, TRULY are out there...even if they are not exactly the same ones who are beating your friend's door down.

My final thought for you is this...  

Is your friend making MORE of an EFFORT to meet men than you are?  

This could be a major factor.

For example, if she is online and you are not, then it's no wonder she is meeting far more men than you.  

Online dating is a BONANZA for women.  And I will tell you what, being exactly 35 is about the perfect age for literally EVERY age group of men to be wildly interested in you...younger, older and in-between.

Does that surprise you?  

If so, it is time to give online dating a try and see for yourself instead of taking my word for it!  

Take heart, Michele.  Stick to your guns regarding what you want, take an active role in meeting EXACTLY the kind of man you want, and YOU WILL be a very happy woman sooner than you think!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And now onto the next question from Corina who asks me about taking back an ex...


"Hi Ange:

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years.  He has been trying to get back together, however I realize that he is very controlling.  

That is the main reason I broke up with him.  Yet somehow I am NOT getting over him.  

All my girlfriends have told me to quit taking his calls, or reading his texts, but of course I give in and do just that.  
Now he is wanting to go out again - he'll take me to the nice restaurant he always refused to go to for two years.  

I'm so confused and hurt.  Please help?!" 


My Reply...

Dear Corina,

Thank you for your message and I am so glad you wrote me.

I will can tell you from my experience, there are a LOT of women who find themselves in a situation very similar to yours at one point or another in their lives.

To spell it out for you from the very beginning, I have to agree with your girlfriends on this one.  

And to be honest, I am not at all surprised that the feedback from your friends has been unanimous.  You obviously have some great friends who care about you deeply.

The difference between you and them, however, is an important one. YOU are the one whose EMOTIONS are involved.

It is natural to have some feelings after sharing part of your life with someone.

It is equally natural to focus on remembering the GOOD times rather than the BAD times.

Especially after a year's worth of water has passed under the bridge, it is hard to re-enact in your mind's eye exactly what it was that caused you to be so sure you wanted to break up when you ended the relationship.

Yet, I am sure you did not take the decision to break up lightly, did you?

That is the first factor that could be causing you to romanticize getting back together at this point in history.

And the more profound reason why you would even be considering the option of returning to a controlling man is a more objective one.

You do not have any other OPTIONS.

Think about it.  

If you had a wonderful, caring man in your life who was masculine enough to excite you, would you even be giving your old flame a second thought?

Of course not!

Instead, you would be going on fun adventures with your new man...and likely forgetting completely about that fancy restaurant your ex DID NOT take you to.

To further underscore this point, here's another thing to think about.

Why would your ex suddenly be reappearing in your life a year later?

You got it...HE is currently lacking OPTIONS also.

If you ask me, the concept of the two of you getting back together is the PERFECT recipe for SETTLING.

So what to do?

Well, first make the right decision regarding your ex-controller...I mean, ex-boyfriend...and get an action plan for meeting better men than you've ever met before!

A great way to do that, especially if you are a busy single mum or have a demanding career, is to try ONLINE DATING.

I personally have met some really cool women online, and I will be the first to tell you that you can find someone AMAZING on the dating site of your choice.

Really.  It's the 21st century, and having an online profile these days is as natural as having a driver's license or a library card.

Give it a try!

And the more options you have... Well what do you need to go back to an old flame for?

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And finally a Question from Carolyn


"Dear Mr Fonce, 
First off let me say that I love reading your articles.  I have gleaned a lot of information from you and I appreciate your dedication to what you do.  
I actually have two questions, and hopefully they are not too much to ask.
First, how do I get guys to actually approach me?  I am 26 and not unattractive as I have had people say I am quite pretty.  But seriously, I have only had a handful of men approach me.  

The ones that do approach me are the derelicts  of the town.  The ones that are like bikers or just really not the greatest.
Second question.  A nice guy delivered my new cooker last week. And he was really watching me, but we never got a chance to exchange names or numbers.  

How do you go about letting a guy know you are really interested?  I am kind of lost.  The guy looked like he was just about to ask for my number but then stopped.
Help, please.  I honestly don't know what I am doing wrong.  I am naturally shy, but I am willing to make a move if I need to.


My Reply...

Dear Carolyn,

Thank you for writing to me and a really great question.

The thing to ALWAYS remember about men is that most of us are really, really afraid to approach women.  We just flat-out do not want to be rejected.  

I realize that most women might not fully realize how big an issue this really is.  

And with all the "sensitivity training" and "sexual harassment seminars" men attend at work in this day and age, they have really been programmed to think that showing any "interest" toward a woman is tantamount to a criminal act.

On top of that, most men are not quite into reading subtle hints.

Put it all together and the basic result is that most women do not exactly have tons of men hitting on them all day...except maybe the ones who brazenly "do not care" and perhaps lack any semblance of social skill, as you have seen first-hand, right? 

In fact, whereas most women tend to think that the 95%+ of guys who do not take the time to meet them were probably uninterested, the truth is most of them probably ARE interested...they just lack the guts or the proper strategy to get the job done.

For example, you were likely very correct in assessing that your delivery man was interested in you.  And without a VERY direct hint from you, he would NEVER ask you out.  


Because in his mind, were he to "harass" you like that it could cost him his job!

So what is a woman to do?  

After all, you do not want to come off as "forward." 

Besides, you probably want a REAL man who takes the lead.  You do not want to have to ask him out yourself... that is HIS job, right?

Well, it is actually easier to affect the desired result than you think.

First, always SMILE.  Stone-faced women tend to look busy or preoccupied, if not downright angry about something.  Meanwhile, it is harder to envision a smiling woman biting our heads off if we approach her.

Second, and along the same lines, SLOW YOUR PACE.  If you are rushing from place to place and always sort of stressed out about it, men are going to think they are bothering you should they attempt to communicate with you.

Third, MAKE CONVERSATION.  If you are talking in a friendly tone to those around you, even if at a coffee shop or the department store, you thereby demonstrate that you are "approachable".

Finally, do not be afraid to MAKE EYE CONTACT, and give a warm smile when you do.  

Many men may look down at the floor when you do this, and that is an unfortunate result of many men's programming to feel shame over being sexually interested in any woman.  

Realize that if he does not reciprocate, it is equally likely to mean he LIKES you as otherwise. Strange I know, and true.

If you want to go ahead and "make a move" as you mentioned, simply say "hello."  It is hard to see that as "forward" or inappropriate in any way.

And if you have a situation where you really think the he is interested and is not acting upon it, like you sensed with the delivery man, you can try this.  

I call it "asking for a question" or A4Q. 

If you sense he really wants to get your number and something is apparently holding him back, try saying...  

"You seem as if you might want to ask me something.  Was there something you wanted to ask me?"

This is a MAGICAL strategy for women to use because it does several great things.  

First, it welcomes his interest.  

Second, it still leaves the "leadership" ball in his do not take the proverbial "bull by the horns" and actually ask him out.  

And third, there is nothing overtly suggestive or un-ladylike at all about it.

By the way, A4Q is also tremendously helpful if you think a first kiss needs to happen and the man just is not going for it.

Obviously, it is difficult to tell exactly what may be going on in your case without direct observation.  

And I am 99.99% sure that something I have mentioned will ring a bell for you.  

And one more thing...the fact that you are considered attractive may make things even MORE DIFFICULT for men in this area, ironically enough.  

If you see lots of what I would call "quick hits" like comments about how nice you look, doors being held for you, etc, and NO requests for dates or phone numbers... that just proves that the men are flat-out scared of you.  

It is true!

Thank you for writing.  

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Thank you for all your GREAT QUESTIONS!

And that wraps up this issue of Intimate Communion Magazine Readers Questions.

As ever...

Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

And are DYNAMIC lovers.

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

Your Questions And Inquiries...

If you would like to send me an e mail about a problem you are experiencing that I can answer... it will enable me to write a helpful response much more quickly if you keep it to a simple format... as you can imagine... I am a busy Man... so here are the guidelines...

1. Your question must be no more than 3-4 paragraphs... please.

2. Get as specific as you can... and to the point... the details help me really get a feel for your unique situation.

3. You will not abuse my trust in you... as I will not abuse your trust in me.

4. You will not send customer support emails and spam to my contact email... if you do that you will not get a response and I will probably have to stop being so open with my time and providing a FREE advice service. 

Seriously. I want to help you... and to do that I need you to respect  MY time as much as I respect yours... and allow 3 - 7 days for me to get back to you.

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