"Intimate Communion" Dating, Relationships & Sex Questions.
My Powerful Sex Drive? And Who is BETTER at cheating? Plus lot a lot more

Welcome to your monthly edition of "Intimate Communion" where I answer your "Questions" about love, romance, dating, relationships and sex. 

That I receive via my Facebook page or as individual e mail messages sent to me via the "Contact" page here on this website.   

In this edition I am asked a question about"Masturbation" by Ann via e mail and the second question is about "Cheating" from Molly.

Plus lots more...

Question number one is from Ann who asks . . . 

"Ange, do you think it's unusual or unhealthy for a 40 year old woman to masturbate or feel the need to orgasm 3 - 4 times a day? 
Could I be hurting my chances for a relationship because I choose to satisfy my increasingly intense sex drive myself?"
My Reply...

Hi Ann,
Thank you for your question.
I've got good news and bad news for you (and honestly I can't even tell which is which.)
So the "news" I have for you is that you now know more or less what it's like to be a 16 year old boy.
I remember being a 16 year old boy myself and it was AWFUL. You'd be sitting there in Calculous class trying to focus on differential equations when suddenly you'd catch a peek at the curve of Sarah Martin's breast out of the corner of your eye and would hear a THUD as a sudden and TERRIBLE erection impacted the bottom of your desk . . . 
And then the bell would ring and you'd pray as hard as you could for that TERRIBLE erection to go away so you could walk to History class without anyone noticing that your pants suddenly resembled a lean to . . .
OK, more seriously . . . (kind of.)
There's nothing "wrong" with you or really even that unusual about your situation at all.
40, like a lot of women, you're currently hitting your erotic and sexual prime and the next decade or so is going to be a fertile field for you to have the best sex of your life.
The BAD news, of course, is that right as your libido is taking off like a space shuttle the libidos of most men your age are starting to sink like hot air ballons that have run out of gas.

Not all guys though, some men get BETTER with age!

So finding a guy who can "keep up" with you  is going to be REALLY tough.Unless you hit upon one of those men who have grown more fiesty.
Now on to the second part of your question:
Are you ruining your chances of having a real relationship by taking care of your own "needs" three or four times a day . . .  
And my answer to that one is really simple:
Listen: EXCESSIVE masturbation can be a problem (just like excessive pornography, excessive donuts or excessive crocheting) . . .But there's nothing at all wrong with taking your needs "in hand" to get you through the day so you can focus on your job or your kids instead of imagining what the hunky plumber would look like in a mankini or clenching your thighs together so hard you make a diamond.
(I've got a high sex drive myself and when I was working at a "real job" I used to have to sneak off to the bathroom a couple times a day too.)
The big thing you're going to have to deal  with when you find a living, breathing guy you want to get sexual with is taking care of his FRAGILE MALE SEXUAL EGO.

Most guys have very little confidence in their sexual skills, have almost no understanding of women's sexuality (I run into guys all the time who have no idea that women actually LIKE sex) and some guys can be more than a little intimidated by a woman with a real libido. 
The way to handle that is to . . .
A. Only date awesome men who see your sexuality as a HUGE bonus instead of something to be scared of.
B. Be honest and unashamed of your sex drive with guys (once you get to that point) and be willing to give him directions on what you need to be really satisfied.
And a shameless plug here.......Read my "Intimate Communion" blog where I publish articles about sex, sexuality and "intimacy".

Yours Sincerely 

Ange Fonce 
Now for question number two which is from Molly who asks . . . 

"Why do GUYS cheat so much more than women do? Why can't they just be HAPPY with the woman they have? I'm so MAD at him right now. Why wasn't I enough for him?"
My Reply...

Hi Molly,
Thanks for writing to me and I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now.
But you've got a couple things wrong here.
1. Guys actually DON'T cheat much more than women do.
Stats actually show that guy's cheat in relationships maybe 5% more often than women do and that (as women have gained financial and social independence) women have started cheating in their relationships a lot MORE than they used to.
(It takes two to tango, so it always struck me as odd that guys supposedly cheated "all the time" while women NEVER did. Who were these guys cheating with? Each other?)
That said . . .
2. Women tend to cheat for different REASONS than men do . . . I'm talking in generalities here, but women tend to cheat
A.  Because they don't feel emotionally connected to their man.
B. Because they feel ignored by their man.
C. To raise their self esteem (I just wanted to be desired).
D. Because they aren't happy in the relationship.
E. Because they've fallen out of love with their man and really want out of the relationship.
While guys tend to cheat . . .
A. Because they're horny and a woman they found attractive was either available or came on to them. (Oh, and of course some guys are serial cheaters just like some women are.)
B. (There is no B.)
3. Women tend to JUSTIFY their cheating in ways guys don't.
In all the years I've been doing this I've NEVER heard from a guy who said his wife or girlfriend DESERVED to be cheated on but I've gotten quite a few emails from women who said "I cheated on him because he's a son of a bitch."
Or something to that effect.
And finally . . .
4. Women are BETTER at cheating than guys are.

Plain and simple, women are better at keeping an affair secret and "cleaning up the evidence" than guys are.
Women are crafty and pay attention to details.

Men are blunt instruments who can't even put the toilet seat down.
So while a woman will put her lover's name in her phone as "Fiona" so her hubby doesn't catch on and keep a death grip on her phone . . .
A guy will be dumb enough to leave his phone full of dirty pictures sitting on the kitchen table.
I'm not sure being "better" at cheating is all that great but it does lead to a lot more guys getting caught and skews perception so society THINKS guys cheat a lot more than women do.
Oh . . . and the vast majority of cheaters never get found out.

Stats show that about 50% of men AND women report some level of infidelity during their marriage and for most of them it's a short term thing that fades away into memory.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Can you improve your body language while still retaining the great personality traits that make you...well YOU?

Plus a whole bunch of question relating to sex..

Is your woman comparing you to other men?

Do you wish you could give her multiple orgasms?

Curious about why women sleep with some men on the first date, but won't with others?

Want to know how to bump up your sex drive?

Read on...

Let us get on with the next question where Nidh asks...

"Dear Ange,

Thank you so much for your articles. They are informative.

I do have a few questions.  

First, what kind of body language makes a man feel comfortable and allured to a woman? 

Second, with so much relationship advice out there I feel like I could lose track of who I really am.  How do I be myself and still  be irresistible? 

I don't want to lose any of my interesting quirks. 

Thanks so much again! 

With warm regards,"

Nidhi (Lucknow, India)

My Reply...

Dear Nidhi,

Thank you for your message and writing to me.

I'm glad you enjoy my articles. Smiles

Your question is a super one.  

Body language can cover so much, from  where the hands go to how to sit, walk, stand, open or close arms and so on.
First of all you have to be relaxed and comfortable.  

All body language (including gestures and motions) should above all be feminine. 

For example, sitting down you can cross your legs at the knees, which is very sexy or you can cross them at the ankles then put them to the right side or left this of your body is sensual but tasteful.  

Whatever the case, the key is to keep the knees together.  

The next time you're  in public pay attention to how women sit.  

You will find that nowadays a lot of women sit like men.  

It would be compared to a man sitting like a woman.  

It's a turn off.

As men definitely notice these things! 
When it comes to dating advice, you have to pick that which makes you a better person.  

There is lots of advice on how to trick men or women and how to fake things.  

There are also a surprising number of books on how to get over bad things without focusing on GOOD things instead.

Still other advice might tell you, you're a "goddess" and that women can do no wrong, all the while bashing men and offloading the blame onto them for everything.  

Some such books are even written by men (???!).

This is the kind of advice to avoid.

Such can often actually increase your personal level of hurt and bitterness-which isn't making you a better woman who will attract a man of high character.

You don't have to be someone you are not to get a man interested in you.

Being a great person and knowing how to demonstrate it will be a big help on capturing a man's attraction towards you.

Remember always that taking advice on "how to get what you want" is never going to impress a high quality man who isn't desperate to date any woman who can fog a mirror.  

Deserving what you want instead is always a better plan to making a  man truly want you.
As far as the quirks, as long as it's not a masculine quirk like burping the ABC's-or something so eccentric so as to become decidedly creepy-I'm sure it is fine to keep.  

Your cute little idiosyncrasies, however unique they are, can be exactly what make you endearing to the type of guy you are most interested in.

Depending on the quirk it could be used to your advantage... even if it's something like a little snort when you laugh...LOL!   
Thanks again for reading and for being so sweet.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

The next questions all come from issues related to sex.

So I am just going to dive in there and answer them.

Let's go....


"Hi Ange,
I'll be honest straight away, I'm having a small ego problem these days.
My wife went to her friend's wedding recently. Her friend's husband apparently happens have been into sports and athletic stuff and happens to have an athletic body. Now, her friend can't stop going on about how great their sexual life is. She keeps telling my wife about how they have sex 6-7 times in the same night and obviously my wife keeps talking about that to me.
I don't have an athletic body, but have a fairly fit body. However, we've never had sex more than once a night since we got married. We do foreplay afterwards again, but sex again, no!! This comparison is killing me. I've always wanted the same thing myself, but never happened because she can't do it more than once and eventually I tire out of requesting and convincing her.
Is it physically possible to have sex 6-7 times a night? 
Can someone with a normal body (not a sportsperson) have such a sexual life? Or should I just discard those thoughts and be happy with what I have?



My Reply...

Hi Victor,

Thanks for you message and writing to me.

This entire things strikes me as a great opportunity for you.

Thanks to your wife's friend's wedding, you are going to have a better sex life.

First off... yes, there are some lucky freaks who can ejaculate 6 times/day.  

There are very few of them, and being athletic has nothing to do with it.  

More likely this guy practices non-ejaculatory orgasm, so that it's easy for him to do it as often as he likes.

But here's the bigger picture...

Your wife wouldn't care less how often they were doing it if she was completely, fully, couldn't-take-any-more-pleasure-or-she-would-die satisfied with her own sex life.

The fact is, unless this guy only lasts a few minutes, most women would just be very, very sore from doing it 6 times/day.

Of course, they might be willing to be a little sore if it was great!  

But let's be realistic... if they did it 6 times for an hour each time, it would be morning before they were done.  

Does any of that even matter?

If your wife was having more orgasms than she could handle... whether from one long session or from doing it multiple times, she would just smile at her friend and say, "Oof, the way my man does it to me, I couldn't take it any more than I'm already getting it!  

Another second and I might seriously suffer a brain embolism!"

It seems to me that if you are feeling insecure that your wife might be wondering if she could be getting it better... then contact me and work with me and learn some really get methods that will keep you woman more than happy and be done with that thought forever.

I think you deserve to have the kind of sex life where you are both just insanely eager to get it on all the time...a sex life where you are both blown away by the intensity of the intimacy you share...a sex life where there is just zero doubt in your mind or hers that there just isn't any other man on Earth who could do to her body what you can...

And not to turn this into a pitch, but that is the entire point of everything I do with my articles, and personal coaching.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce


"Ange - I have a question for you regarding multiple orgasms. I have no problem giving my wife a clitoral orgasm with my finger or orally. The problem is that after she has the orgasm she is very sensitive and takes her about 30 seconds before I can enter her. The only way she has an additional orgasm after the clitoral one is when she is on top. I want to know if there is something I can do so that she is getting multiple vaginal orgasms. In other words is there a seamless way that I can go from giving her a clitoral orgasm with my finger to multiple vaginal orgasms after I enter her?"


My Reply...

Dear Steve,

Thank you for writing to me and your message.

What I'm not clear on here is whether she is having multiple orgasms at all yet, and if the issue is just that you have to wait a minute after oral sex to enter her.

If that's the case, well, I'm not really seeing the problem.  

After she comes, just do something else to keep the action going... for example, have her go down on you for a while (usually nothing excites women more), and then go for intercourse.

Of course you can PROBABLY get her past that sensitivity issue and get her to have multiple clitoral orgasms.  I'd bet on it, in fact.

But to do that, you will have to get her to a very trusting and surrendered place.

Here's the way it works:

When a woman is not aroused, many of the areas that would otherwise be highly erotic for her are ticklish. e.g., if you lick the side of her neck when she's watching television, she will giggle and it will tickle.  

Do it after kissing her and getting her turned on and she will moan in pleasure.

Something similar is going on when she becomes over-sensitive after orgasm.

That over-sensitivity is very uncomfortable if she fears it... and she fears it because the sensation is extremely intense... more intense than she welcomes.

But if she is in a deeply surrendered state where she trusts you to handle the scary intensity and she can just trust her way into it... she will have another orgasm.

This kind of trust and surrender will not happen overnight, and it won't happen EVER if you tell her that she's to blame for not surrendering to you.  

Taking a totally different direction... if she is not yet experiencing multiple orgasms, you will probably find it easier to get there with vaginal orgasms.

I would take some time off the clitoral orgasms.  There is no reason you have to make her come that way first.

In fact, if you just bring her close to the edge and then enter her, her frustration at being so close might translate into exactly the arousal you need to give her a vaginal orgasm very quickly.

Here's where these two ideas come together:

Vaginal orgasms generally require greater surrender than clitoral orgasms.  

Working on one will get you closer to the other.

Expand your masculine confidence when you are making love, let her feel your certainty, and give her praise for every time you feel her opening and surrendering more deeply to you.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

QUESTION from another Steve

"Hi Ange, I have read lot's of your articles and found them all great.  I'm in my mid 30's and have low testosterone and a low libido.  I have a very sweet (and hot) girlfriend and would love to have more sex, but have just lost that animal drive / urge.  Do you have any tips for increasing testosterone and libido naturally?  I practice non-ejaculation and it helps a little bit, but I don't have the sex drive I'd like.   Thanks in advance." 

Steve, Melbourne, Australia                         

My Reply...
Hi Steve,

And thanks for your message.


I'm not a doctor and obviously neither are you.

I'am a Sexologist and I would advise you to CHECK with a doctor for sure and find out if you actually have a low testosterone level and see what the doc thinks you should do.  

Low libido can, in rare cases, indicate a more serious health problem.

Now, more likely in my experience, this is just a phase.  

It is extremely common for men to go through a period where their libido drops off for a few months.

The first time it happens we sometimes think, "oh, shit, I guess I'm getting old and this is the way it's going to be," but in fact, it usually returns.

I have also read some recent studies that while testosterone levels can sometimes play into libido, it is by no means the only factor, and often men with low testosterone are very horny fellas.  Same with women.

Here's a few tips on boosting libido:

1) Practice non-ejaculatory orgasm (which you are already doing)

2) Cut out all porn.  Period.  No exceptions.

3) Cut out masturbation.  Let your body's natural response to your woman come back, rather than it's response to your hand.

4) Eat fava beans, blueberries, macadamia nuts, and cut fried foods.  Try organic meat to reduce exposure to estrogenic hormones.  Eat a whole egg or two before bed to boost testosterone.

5) Lift heavy things (work out heavy instead of high reps).  I've read some conflicting studies on this one, but I'm a fan, and the worst thing that will happen is you'll get into better shape.

6) Take up an aggressive sport where you compete against another man.  Boxing is great, but ping-pong will do if you get competitive enough about it.  Aggression and sex-drive are intimately related.

7) Meditate, do yoga, or find another way to take conscious control over stress.

Learn how to become "present" and not in your head over the hectic realities of your life and check out this article on being present in sex

8)  Enjoy your body and take pleasure from touch.  Exchange massage with your lover and get out of your head and mind-chatter and more into the pleasures of  your body.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

QUESTION about a couple of my articles

In my article's on polyamory on dating multiple women I mentioned that I used to always tell women before I slept with them the first time that I was currently dating other women.  

The "Taboo" OF Polyamory And Sexing Multiple Women - Part 1

Threesomes and Satisfying Multiple Women - Polyamory Taboo's Challenged! Part 2

It was my observation that this generally made them MORE LIKELY to sleep with me on, if not on the first date.

Usually within 3 dates.


Because there is some very deep psychology and biology going on here that is way beyond what I publish here in READERS LETTERS.

Plus there is something else.......It's called being AUTHENTIC and HONEST!

Why LIE?

Here's the question:

"Dear Ange,
You have me very intrigued.

Why the phrase:

“So it's up to you: We can just be friends, or you can leave now, but I really hope you stay."
To me, the phrase seems to suggest that you have given her two choices:
1.    Just friends
2.    Leave
You have not said anything that says you want to have a sexual relationship with her.  Which I think is different from the meaning “just friends”.
But she ends up having sex with you.
Why does this work?"



Dear Brent,

Thanks for your message and question.

I'd love to answer "why does it work?" and I gave a couple of thoughts on that in the article... but in the end, there is no real diffinative answer.  

Psychology is not exactly an exact science and neither is seduction, however biology and evolution are a lot more certain through Science!  

If you really want to deeply understand the psychology behind attraction and get really good at the game of meeting, dating, seducing women and relationships.

Then be prepared to "Learn" the secrets and really get to KNOW Women!

But here is MY take on it:

Women might have been sleeping with me IN SPITE OF that statement... but I have always felt it was BECAUSE of it.  

I just had this sense that something about it made something inside of them click into place and free them up to remove their clothing.

It may have simply been my integrity in the moment that appealed to them...It may have been that they were turned on by the idea that I was the kind of guy that lots of other women wanted.

And I think it is because it reassured them that I'm not the kind of guy who would judge them for having sex with me, and that I am not the kind of guy who would end up stalking them forever just because she had sex with me (which is a VERY common experience for very attractive women).

Smiles that I have been "gray" here Brent.

And that is what people pay me for.

The "insiders" knowledge and "experience!"

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Thank you for all your GREAT QUESTIONS!

And that wraps up this issue of "Intimate Communion" Dating, Relationships & Sex Questions. 

And as ever...

Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

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