Intimacy Is So Important
For A Deep Trusting Loving Relationship

By Ange Fonce

"All beginnings are lovely." 

So a French proverb reminds us and yet intimacy is not about that initial attraction stage of relationships when you are hot for each other. 

It is only when you invest and stay in relationships over time that your capacity for intimacy can truly grow. 

Intimacy is about being emotionally close to your partner and about being able to be vulnerable and let him or her know how you really feel. 

Intimacy is also about being able to accept and share in your partners feelings about being there when he or she wants to let their defences down and to be able to share your inner world with a partner you love and to be able to share your partners experiences is one of the most rewarding aspects of a relationship.

Intimacy often does not need words yet being able to put feelings and experiences into words makes intimacy more likely to occur as intimacy involves being able to share the whole range of feelings... thoughts and experiences we have as human beings...  the pain and sadness as well as happiness and love with TRUST!

Most of us though find it easier to share some types of feelings than others... for example

Are you and your partner able to let each other know how you feel about each other?

Saying I love you is important yet what about you other thoughts and feelings... can you express them fully with your partner? 

Assuming your partner knows about your love because of the way you behave is usually not enough and in fact making assumptions about your partner can end up being really harmful to your relationship.

How do you feel when you are sad... a little depressed or in need of some comforting and reassurance? 

Are you able to let yourself be dependent and to receive nurturing? 

Is this balanced in your relationship or is one partner the strong one who never needs to show any vulnerability? 

If so is this really how you want things to be in your relationship?

How do you feel about yourself when you have taken a knock and are feeling small and down or when you have achieved something that makes you feel good about yourself?

How do you feel about sexing... what you like and do not like in your sexing and about how your sexing relationship could be made more enjoyable for you.

Do you really know and understand what your partner thinks and feels or do you assume and mind read and make judgements or are you able to be open with your partner or do you feel that your partner would not be able to accept some of your feelings?

Intimacy Is A Journey Of Discovery About Yourself And Your Lover

Many couples start out their relationship sensing they have achieved a new dimension of intimacy which they have not experienced before. 

They are highly attracted to each other in lust and it is exciting and they cannot imagine a greater degree of intimacy... yet there is the mistake make about attraction as lust is not love nor is it intimacy!

Love friendship grows between them as they share more time together and many mistake intimacy as sexing and while sexing is part of intimacy it is not the whole deal because intimacy requires TRUST!

We can share our bodies and be naked yet do we truly share our hearts and minds and be naked with them too?

As the years pass and couples go through some of the highs and lows in their relationship they discover a series of deeper levels in their relationship and each discovery makes the relationship more rewarding and fulfilling.

How can you achieve a greater level of intimacy in your relationship?

Intimacy does not happen by magic... it must be built up over time and this takes some people longer than others and the more you invest in the trust in your relationship the more intimacy will grow and the more valuable and rewarding it is.

The following are some steps that may help...

Be optimistic about what you have in your relationship and let your partner know what you value and appreciate about him or her and about the relationship... put it into words and show with your actions and just do not assume they already know. 

Everybody likes to be told that they are appreciated... valued and loved.

Create Opportunities For Intimacy

Make times when you can be alone together in a situation where you can focus on each other and on your relationship

The harder it is to do this because of the children... work or other commitments the more important it is that you do it! 

Try to plan a regular evening day or weekend for the two of you to be alone.

How to Create Conversational Intimacy

Practise making "I" statements about how you feel. 

This avoids putting your partner on the spot and may help him or her do the same. 

For example...

"I feel hurt you did not ask me before you decided." 

Instead of... 

"Why did not you ask me first?"

After an argument look at the deeper feeling behind the anger... hurt... anxiety or your sense of being let down. 

Talk to your partner about these feelings and ask about their feelings.

You feel happy when someone appreciates you and sad when they think little of you. 

As you communicate learn to read the content and emotions being sent to you as conversations are more than the information you share or words you speak. 

They are a way to package your feelings about yourself... in your world you communicate sad or happy with almost every conversation with others and as you understand the power of language in regulating how people and yourself feel every day and the role language plays in evolving the brains capacity to expand perspectives and create a feel good experience. 

Then you can improve your relationships in profound ways.

Men and women and children who are regularly receive loving affirmation of their worth and engage in appreciative and value based conversations become more optimistic about life and more personal confident

Those who live in punitive.... judgemental relationships tend to be less loving about themselves and more judgemental about others... in effect they pass the judgement sickness on to others with whom they interact. 

Those who grow up in families where they are loved... where they discover their strengths and where they are challenged in constructive ways tend to be healthy of mind... emotions and body.

We tend to underestimate the time required for the dialogue people need in order to feel comfortable and understood because when stressed peoples mental acuity and processing circuitry closes down. 

When you are afraid you listen differently... you listen for the implications of how change will affect you as each person is having his or her own internal dialogue and hypothesizing what these changes might be and usually you fear loss... rarely do you anticipate gain... say you fear that you will be rejected your mental... emotional and physical state will change and maybe you will be asked to leave.

Each of us has a hand in creating feel good environments that enable us to connect in healthy ways and thrive and the way you can do this rests on learning new ways of communicating and become more conversationally and emotionally intelligent by applying these powerful insights and wisdom to your daily conversational every day.

Because intimacy is not just about sexing... because intimacy is being personally AWARE in relationship to everything!

And relating to your lover in an ever deepening... trustful and understanding way.

As Buddha said...

"To Understand is to LOVE!"

As always leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you. 

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for what you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

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