How To Get Social And Meet New People When You Are A More Mature Man 

By Ange Fonce

This question is one that I have received from more mature Men and I want to share it with you in this article. 

You will find this information helpful in understanding how to create the social life you want.

QUESTION... What do you do if you have no social circle?

"Hello Ange,

I appreciate your taking the time to read this question and also for all of your articles - I have read them (multiple times) and it was a huge help.

One that really struck a chord - the message in the article you wrote revolved around the "Three Universal Steps to Improving Your Social and Dating Skills."

Unfortunately, Ange, I'm stuck at Step 1! I'm NOT putting myself in social situations and places where I can meet women on a regular basis. Of course, I understand that this is my fault, for which I take responsibility.'s the situation: I'm 38 and single. I'm attractive, well-educated (Masters Degree) and physically fit. 
However, most (just about ALL) of my friends are married, and they either: a) don't want to go out to meet people; or b) are forbidden to by their wives; or c) have other priorities (i.e., their children).

When I go out alone I feel like a loser...people ask "where are your friends?"

Given that I'm flying solo for the most part, what is my best course of action? And where should I go? I really can't stand the bar scene and running into a bunch of drunk 20-year olds.
Thanks so much in advance for everything.


Rob A. UK

My reply to Rob... 

Dear Rob...

Thank you for your message and writing to me
I am glad you wrote in about this problem because it is one common to a lot of men they do not realize is so common.

I myself have moved many times in my life and relocated not just to different parts of the country and to other countries as well so I fully understand the question.

Well whenever I arrived in a new place I would not know anyone and I had to rebuild my social circle from scratch.

When I went out to bars and clubs which I have never been all that fond of I would get the same question from people. 

"Where are your friends?" 

"Don't you have some friends?"

And then when you throw in not knowing the local language... you can face many problems.

Yet it is how you see and frame these problems that you will either see them as difficulties or as challenges to over come and you have to realize something rather ugly about human beings... they LOVE to pity other people... why?

Because somewhere deep inside it gives them a sense of relief that it is NOT THEM.

Now I am not saying people cannot be compassionate and when it comes to the friendless people out there people will treat you like you have got a social disease so beware their comments designed to make you feel bad and make them feel good for themselves. 

In my world the truly compassionate would befriend a person they thought was lonely and the fact is that when you are living in a somewhat isolated social circle and the answer is very clear.

You Need New Friends!

Yes I know this can seem intimidating. 

Studies have shown that men over the age of 35 are often more socially isolated because they do not risk enough to broaden their social circle to create new friendships and that is a matter of choice and not destiny.

Back when I was stuck friendless and alone and I have done this kind of relocation 8 times in my life having to start over again I reached the point where I knew what I had to do and build myself into the Social Scene fast.

I got to where I knew I needed to put my social life on the fast track... so here is a few of the things I did and I think if you push yourself outside your comfort bubble... you will be amazed at the results you get.

1... Volunteering... 

Go invest some time with kids at the hospital... go help out at a benefit or fund raiser or some cause you support... volunteer to read to the elderly or blind.

The one thing we all need to do is help more people and in the process learn just how small our problems are compared to someone fighting cancer or who just needs some companionship in their later years.

2... Part Time Job...

When I was living in Galgary Canada I took a part time job at a software store in the mall... not because I needed the money because I wanted the discount on the goods and the chance to talk to people and make friends and I had a blast! 

It was a lot of fun and to mention the experience I got just observing people and figuring out social situations and interactions and I meet a very nice Canadian Lady and had a blast with her.

3... Start A Club...

Put an ad online or in the paper for something you like to do... like writing or playing fantasy football or outdoor activities like hiking or rock climbing.

I can hear you right now saying... 

"But Ange this does not put me into contact with a woman andget me more dates."

Well yes and no.

These are all things I did in my time where I have moved to that made me feel better about myself and got me a bunch of friends in the process and networked me into the social fabric and the opportunity to meet a lot more women friends.

I dated the sister of  the man I worked with at the software store and I am still in contact with four of the people I met there and the volunteering work helped me get past a bad breakup in record time and I got to know on a very personal level one of the women I met in my writers club.

It works and now here is the logic of why you want a social circle...


If you were to get a woman without a good balanced circle of friends you would probably lose your own internal balance and throw yourself way to hard into a relationship with the first woman that came along... primarily out of a desire to avoid the pain of being single.

That is one of the quickest ways to get into a bad relationship that leads to a whole lot of PAIN!

This is one of the biggest mistakes men make when it comes to courting at any age... you need a well rounded circle of friends and people to keep you feeling connected and balanced.

The men that think of their woman as their world tend to turn into sad social misfits that wind up divorced because their wife was their only reason for being or they stay with a sick... dysfunctional relationship because they are afraid of being alone again and think of this a woman does not complete you a woman only adds to an already fulfilling life you live!

And the most important reason you want to seek a strong social circle is the incredible opportunity it affords you to meet their friends and their friends of friends as you will get party invitations and more opportunities to meet new people.

Most women about 68% prefer to meet people through their friends and about 2% of men meet a girlfriend going to bars and clubs.

Hmmm... I wonder where the odds are best?

Get cracking on a social life that makes YOU happy first and then you will find that you have more people to go to the bars and clubs with and parties and social events and you will find that the women come along EASILY.

So if you are not doing any of these things now then stop complaining get your self into gear and get started. 

Just do ONE thing this week to get you involved go call some organization and have them put your name down as a volunteer and COMMIT yourself to the path so you have no choice.

DYNAMIC NOTE... Do not let the comfort of your current friends blind you to the new ones waiting around every corner everyone in the world would like more friends and a lot of them are waiting for someone like you to come along and take action and make it happen. 

If we all wait for something to happen it never will.

DYNAMIC TIP... How to keep conversations going and going and going.?

Learn to use conversational threading.

What is that you say?

Imagine someone tells you a story...

"The cat run up the tree and we had to call the fire department to get him down."

Here you have 4 topics from that line...

  Running up a tree
  Fire Department

You can use any of those 4 topics to go into another direction.

So as people talk about stuff so think about the topics related to it and go through your mental database of stories and facts and see if you can make a statement about anything related to that.

Remember statements and not question as you need to talk too and not just ask questions over and over.

This can feel artificial at first and it will get automatic with time it is just a new habit you need to train for a while.

And practically speaking that completes this conversation.
And remember always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you.

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

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3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth!

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