How the "Myth" Of "Just Be Yourself" is killing your Masculinity and ruining Your Dating and Relationship Life with Women.

Every day I am emailed lots of tips and articles. 

Every day I read lots of new posts on my Facebook feed. 

Every day I surf the net looking for the latest, greatest relationship info. 

Every day I read books and magazines about dating, relationships, sexuality, human and natural science about men and women.

I study it all. 

The basic. 

The advanced. 

The good. 

The bad. 

And the ugly. 

Man, do I see a lot of the ugly!

Undoubtedly, the most common tip I see, whether it is in an article written by some famous relationship guru, or a post to a discussion group...


If sheer volume were any indication of quality, then this tip would surely be in the Hall of Fame.

Unfortunately, volume is no indication of quality when it comes to relationship advice. 

In fact, much of the time it is just the opposite. 

"Just Be Yourself" is the one tip I will never use. 

Not on my web site.

Not in the articles I write. 

Not when I work with clients. 

Not anywhere.

Just be yourself (abbreviated JBY from now on) is a dangerous or, at the very least, counter-productive tip for a number of reasons.

Be Very Careful Whose Advice You Follow

JBY is the advice you are most likely to receive from someone who has no clue or little experience about how women, dating, sexuality and relationships work.

It does not matter if that person is male or female, young or old, single or married.

It is the stock relationship answer when one does not know or cannot think of anything else to say.

But does not want to seem as clueless as he/she actually is.

Ask your friend what women want, or your mother, or your minister, or Dr. Expert. 

They will probably hit you with some version of JBY.


Not because it is the correct answer, but because they themselves have no idea what women want.

But they have to say something, right?

And besides, they have been hearing JBY for their entire lives. 

It must be the right answer.

How could something be so prevalent, and be wrong?

As a side benefit, JBY is also an answer which allows the advice-giver to feel a sense of smugness or superiority.

As if simply seeking relationship advice in the first place is somehow indicative of lower intelligence or underdeveloped social skills. 

And how people like to feel smug!

But what happens if you press them a little, ask for more details?

The "Content" of such advice?

Tell them that you have been "just being yourself" your entire life and it has pretty much got you nowhere at all with women.

In fact, you have not even had a date in 2 years.

What about that?

At this point they will probably shovel you the stock follow answer...

"You just have to be patient and eventually you’ll meet someone who’s right for you."

Oh, and do not forget... 

"And if it doesn’t work out between you and her, than it wasn’t meant to be." (Women get this one thrown at them too.)

Be Yourself - Patience - Faith - Until one day you are dead, being yourself.

That is about the extent of the advice you are likely to receive.

I consider this to be utterly ridiculous!

What kind of advice or help is this to a person who has been struggling with women his whole life?

A man who goes on one date every 6 months and never gets a second date?

A man who is lonely, depressed, unhappy?

A man who is obviously doing something wrong but has no idea what it might be?

Rather than simply JBYing, and waiting patiently, and having faith, perhaps it would be more beneficial if the troubled man would decide to TAKE CHARGE and RESPONSIBILITY for himself and actively create the kind of life he wants. 

To learn the mistakes he is been making in the past and how to correct this in the future. 

To learn the correct attitudes, behaviours, and thoughts which will enable him to attract and keep the woman or women he wants.

This would be useful advice!

But then you would run into another problem.

A Convenient Excuse For Not Doing Anything

You see, the second major reason that JBY is so common and a potentially damaging piece of advice is that it gives the man in need an EXCUSE for not doing anything. 

A convenient excuse, validated by others (after all he asked), for continuing to do what he has always done. 

A convenient excuse to do only what he wants to do, or what feels comfortable for him.

A convenient excuse to sit on the couch every evening drinking beer and watching TV...

Because, after all, he is the kind of guy who likes to sit on the couch, drink beer, and watch TV.

And stay in his "comfort zone," no matter how SHITTY that comfort zone is.

You see being a Don Juan is not about being yourself. 

And it is certainly not about pretending to be someone that you are not. 

  • It is about becoming the person that you want to be. 
  • It is about personal development and reaching your full potential. 
  • It is about progressing, acquiring knowledge, and experiencing new things.
Time and time again I have received emails from men ( and women) telling me how the information I put in the articles I write and publish, has helped them

How they now understand "the mating game" better, and how their social lives have dramatically improved as a result.

Yet, get this...

When they tell their friends about the site, about all the cool information there, and how it changed their lives. 

Their friends are not the least bit interested.

Or their friends may even think the whole idea of "learning" how to understand  and act around women is ridiculous and try to make such guys who want to develop themselves, feel bad for even suggesting such a thing.

The friends will then preach JBY to the person, and try to convince the man that he does not need "tricks and gimmicks" to do well with women.

Those Friends of Yours

These oh-so-wise friends are the same ones who cower in a corner when out at a bar. 

The same friends who spend most of their time surfing the net or playing computer games or watching porn! 

The same friends who insist that you should buy flowers, write love notes, be the  "nice guy" first, take her to the most expensive restaurant in town, tell her you love her (on the first date, no less), etc.

In other words, these friends do not have a clue, yet have the audacity to preach JBY to those who are trying to improve themselves and understand what really works.

Talk to them about women's tests, body language, confusion, rejection, desperation, confidence, conversational strategies, seduction or any of the other Basic Stuff on this site, and watch as their eyes glaze over like a deer caught in headlights.

Are you actually going to take advice from these people?

Why are they like this?

Why can’t they see that JBYing is not working for them?

Why can’t they understand that simply learning and implementing a few simple "methods" could dramatically improve their lives?

Because they are lazy!

It is All About Personal Development

Becoming a Masculine Man is about personal development. 

And personal development often involves work. 


Take a look at all the information here I alone publish on this website.

It would take WEEKS just to read it all. 

Then you have to commit it to memory. 

Then implement and practice. 

This takes time and effort.

Make no mistake about it...

You are not going to go from a Non Masculine Man to an Alpha Masculine Man over night.

Do you think that Michael Jordan became the greatest basketball player in history by JBYing?

When he failed to make the varsity team in High School, do you think he went home and said...

"Oh well. I guess I’m just not much of a basketball player. But I’m sure there must be something else I can do."?

I do not think so. 

He grabbed the basket ball, and practised, and practised, and practised.

And built on learning from his failures to acquire ultimate SUCCESS!

What Do Women Do?

What about women?

Do you think that they subscribe to the JBY model of dating?

You tell me...

They spend hours working on their hair, their makeup, their skin, and everything else imaginable before going out.

They spend untold fortunes on clothes, shoes, accessories, diet pills, and anything else they can find to make themselves more attractive.

And have you ever read Cosmo, Glamour, or any of the other women’s magazines on the stand?

Just look at the covers.

"20 Ways to Make Him Fall in Love with You... Instantly"

"Is Your Man a Cheater? Take Our Test and Find Out"

"Bedroom Tactics to Rock His World"

You see women have been studying "us" since they were old enough to read. 

When YOU are out digging in the dirt, playing ball, or watching cartoons, they are pouring over the latest edition of Seventeen and discovering "New Kissing Techniques that Will Leave Him Drooling."

They are having slumber parties, giggling, and professing the merits of playing hard to get, not returning phone calls, flirting strategies, not looking desperate, body language, or whatever. 

They are learning the "mating game" and how to play it... and many women know "how" to play it very well.

While you are busy JBYing...

Women are researching, studying, and practising. 

Is it any wonder that in most relationships the woman is in complete control? 

Is it any wonder that most guys, when they do occasionally get a date, make complete fools of themselves?

Is it any wonder that YOU ARE having so much trouble with women?

I think not. 

In fact, I think being an "idiot" is the norm for so many men. 

I am being completely honest here, most men are completely clueless when it comes to women.

And that is why those "Smart and Intelligent Men" who work on themselves and develop all aspects of their "Masculinity" end up with those "High Quality" women!

Those of you who study and practice, those of you who ave dedicated to yourselves to learning and improving, are to be commended. 

You are in the minority. 

And if you keep at it, you will reap the rewards.

And, I know from personal experience, just how sweet the rewards are!

One last thing before I close this article.

There is this thing called the "Mating Dance".

Women can formulate judgments on whatever you do, and from there evaluate your genetic potential and decide if they will mate with you or not.

This is not learned but hardwired from birth.

There is such a thing as a human mating dance, or in other words, specific courtship moves that humans go through, just like animals do.

Most men, including those who are pretty good with women, are unaware of this process. 

Most women, on the other hand, do understand this.

The key in this human "mating dance" is to learn how to use your body, intelligence, masculinity and sexuality to go from one step to the next.

And when a woman understands you "know" these steps.

It puts you in a different league.

You become "highly attractive" and a sought after mate.

She "feels" and "senses" your Masculinity and Confidence as a Man who "knows" what you are doing!

She "feels" and "senses" the power and awareness in you of her Femininity!

You can develop to be such a "MAN!"


You can just be yourself?

As ever...

Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love, Passion and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

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