How SEX With A Man To Early Makes You His Booty Call Not His Intimate Lover!
Posted by ANGE FONCE on Friday, January 3, 2014 Under: DYNAMIC SEXUAL INTIMACY For Men And Women
How SEX With A Man To Early Makes You His Booty Call
Not His Intimate Lover!
Not His Intimate Lover!
Have you recently become single and are wondering how you are going to get yourself back "out there" and meet a good man?
Maybe you have just ended a long-term relationship and are not into doing the same kinds of things to meet people you USED to do in the past like bar hop, or go hit the town with your single girlfriends (who maybe are not so single anymore?)
If you are wondering where in the world you are going to find a man who can be a great lover...
And not just that, but what you are going to DO and SAY to get his interest and attention once you do lock eyes with him so that he needs to see you again... then you need to read on.
How can you tell if it is too early to sleep with a man?
What is a man thinking when it seems like he is "into you" at first, but soon after you get intimate with him, he "cools off" and starts acting distant?
And what can you do if you have ALREADY been sexually intimate...and now he has stopped calling for no apparent reason whatsoever?
I received an email from a reader who went through this exact situation.
I think you will feel her pain and see why I wanted to respond to her...
Question From A Reader
"Hi Ange,
I've read many of your articles and read where you mention about thinking in time frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex... but I've already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you wrote, he became impatient when we talked, and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?
I feel so disappointed about my actions. Ange, please help me, what would you advise?"
Justine UK
My Reply
Hi Justine
Thank you for contacting me and your message
I want to give you a big hug... and then a hard dose of REALITY.
OK, listen closely.
Here is something you NEVER EVER want to forget.
It is the real truth about how most men think when it comes to sex in casual and UNCOMMITTED relationships...
Ready?
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it does not mean that he has spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.
In other words... a man's not going to ever "see your worth" just because you have slept with him.
And more to the point, it is NOT the physical attraction a man feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that makes a man really "feel it" for you and want more.
TRUTH: FOR A MAN, SEX DOES NOT EQUAL A RELATIONSHIPYou need to think of sex and relationships as two completely different things that have nothing to do with one another to start with.
What makes a man "see your worth" and end up FEELING so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other than sex and PHYSICAL desire and ATTRACTION.
Here is the thing...
I do not know if you see this, but you have moved on to wanting "something serious" right after you and he had sex, thinking that sex of course means there SHOULD be a relationship and he should feel the same way about you.
Unfortunately this is simply not TRUE!
The decision to have sex with a woman often has NOTHING to do with whether a man has decided that he wants to see you more seriously.
And sure, it would be nice if men were different and did not take sex so casually.
And it would be great if a man let you know how he felt and what he really wanted before he slept with you...
But that is not the reality of how men think.
Here is another thing you need to understand...
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CLEAR ABOUT WHAT SEX MEANS...BEFORE IT HAPPENS
Let me ask you...
Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for BEFORE you slept with him?
Did you say to him, "If we sleep together, I'm going to want a relationship."
Or...
"I only sleep with a man if he already values me and sees me for the amazing woman that I am."
My guess is that you probably did what lots of women do in the "casual" situation when it comes to sex:
You were not clear on whether you were in it for the fun and connection of it all with him or for something more "serious."
You thought the act of sex alone would speak for itself.
Here a few of the mistakes women make that get them into tough situations like yours:
Not saying anything about what it means for you to share yourself with him because you keep telling yourself that he feels the same way you do... and you assume he wants a relationship because he wants to sleep with you
Not saying anything about your feelings or about wanting a relationship because you thought it might "weird him out" or make it awkward.
Not knowing exactly know how you feel and what sleeping with him will mean to you until AFTER you sleep with him and a whole rush of feelings hits you like a tidal wave
If you have ever felt hurt because you became physical with a man and he ended up not having an interest in dating or starting a relationship, then odds are you can look back and see that one or more of the above scenarios was at play.
Of course, it does not seem like it is you who is making a mistake in these situations.
It feels like THE MAN you are with is the one who obviously does not get it, and is a player for not being ready for a relationship.
Unfortunately, this is the exact kind of thinking that makes it so frustrating and difficult for some women to figure out how to move from just seeing a man casually to becoming physical and starting an exclusive, committed intimate relationship.
Rest assured you are in good company.
If you are like lots of women, you been "caught up" in that moment and ended up sleeping with a man you were not in a relationship with, thinking that you are OK with it... and that it will be a good thing.
But then your true feelings snuck up on you and you started to freak out and feel awful when you saw that the man you shared yourself with was not on the same page (wanting a relationship).
You created EXPECTATIONS from the situation that he had no part in deciding about or even discussing, and now he is freaked because you are confronting him with what YOU feel and what he SHOULD want, when he has not even figured that out for himself yet.
Which leaves him wondering how he is going to back peddle out of this one...
I have got an important question for you...
Who made this guy the final judge of your "worth" as a woman?
The answer:
You did.
So cut it out.
He is obviously not the one who holds the true measure of your worth... and he can neither give you your worth, nor can he take it away.
But I will let you in on a little secret.
I bet I know WHY you slept with him even though in reality you were not really comfortable with doing so...
You did it because you were seeking his LOVE and APPROVAL.
You are waiting and wanting HIM to be the strong, masculine man who will lead YOU into open and unrestrained love.
That way you can SURRENDER to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that is not what is happening or how he FEELS with you right now.
But deep down, you think that if you can come up with enough "proof" that he should love and value you, and if you can make things "perfect" between you two, then he will become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
That is not how love, or relationships work.
Taking back your sense of worth right now!
It is time for the little girl who is seeking a man's approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It is time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he is CLEARLY showing you that he does not even have a clue about what love is or how be with a woman.
You have got to stop banking on what you think this relationship COULD BE, and what I call his "future potential" and start opening your eyes to WHAT IS.
You are so wrapped up in his perspective, what he is doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you have all but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
What YOU really want.
I will take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of man that you truly want is not a man who is going to freak out or act distant just because you are telling him how you are feeling after you have already slept together.
Of course not.
So why are you wasting your energy trying to CONVINCE him just so you can get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you do not even want to be with?!
That's right, you DON'T want to be doing this, but you don't feel like you can help yourself right now.
There's a better way...
Let us move on to figuring out what to do NOW...
LOVE, SEX AND THE MIND OF THE "MASCULINE MAN"I am going to give you a short lesson on why men act the way they do when it comes to sex.
Each person has a certain balance of masculine and feminine "energy."
Obviously, men have more masculine and women have more feminine, but every person can have a little of both.
The feminine energy grows with connection and love, and with "surrender" to all kinds of joyful experiences.
This is often why women feel a sense of connection and surrendering with sex, and often have deeper feelings for a man afterwards.
But the masculine energy does not work this way.
The Masculine energy seeks CHALLENGE and a feeling of "emptiness" and "freedom."
This "freedom" or emptiness is actually the Masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the Feminine means is connection and loving.
Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they are off somewhere else after sex?
It is because the tension of reaching their "challenge" (sex) is released, and now they feel a sense of emptiness and freedom from that tension.
With sex, a man does not automatically "surrender" to love and connection the way a woman does...unless he LEARNS to.
It is a message I constantly talk and write about here within the "Intimate Communion Magazine."
And here is another way of looking at it...
Have you noticed that most men do not have the same strong drive to be deeply and un-waveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most women do?
They do not call their friends and talk on the phone on a regular basis, and they do not worry about how "close" their relationships to their friends and family are at any given moment.
Often, men are driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.
But men CAN become more emotionally-intelligent and aware of what is going on around them in love and relationships.
And if he is with a woman who "gets it," something amazing can happen...
If a man has those intense strong feelings that make him feel physically and EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED to a woman, then she can lead and challenge him in ways that will make him grow into a great partner and intimate lover.
For instance, a woman can help a man understand how to finally find the "freedom" he looks for in a new way - through LOVE and connected intimate experience.
THE FEELING YOU NEED TO CREATE INSIDE A MAN BEFORE YOU HAVE SEXHere is the thing...
Yes, you might have "goofed" by being physical with him too early - you know, before you were clear about what YOU wanted, so that you would not get hurt if you found out he did not want the same thing.
And stop being so hard on yourself.
It is the past, and it is not the problem now.
The real problem now is something entirely different.
Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.
But FIRST you have got to CREATE the right FEELINGS inside him - feelings that have nothing to do with SEX - for sex to end up truly bringing you closer in love and intimacy.
A man will not "fall" for you just because you have slept together.
Although, it is likely that YOU will feel more bonded to him after sleeping with him.
It is part of the biological make-up of a woman.
It is the way nature has wired women.
So you want to know how to "re-wire" things to your benefit?
First of all, stop thinking that the fact that you have had sex will magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.
And when I coach you I will share with you HOW to "Trigger A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man."
You can become aware of a whole new level of ATTRACTION that goes deeper than just the everyday PHYSICAL ATTRACTION a man can feel for you.
EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION.
When a man feels ATTRACTION for you in this way, then he will become EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED to you on a deeper level than he ever could simply through his physical desire for you.
You know a man has intense physical desires.
That is easy.
But have you taken the time to learn how the deeper, more "relationship-oriented" feelings and emotions are created inside him?
The feelings that make a man want to be with one woman in a committed relationship are different than what makes A WOMAN open to exploring a relationship.
But let us keep going and I will touch on a few of the same points about men.
Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman?
I am talking about "mature, healthy masculine men" here.
Not "boy-men" or "players," who have a totally different agenda altogether.
Masculine Men want someone that they feel deeply ATTRACTED to!
They want to have that feeling of WANTING a woman.
They want to adore her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.
And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
So, what happens when men act like they are not interested in anything serious or do not want a relationship or their too busy to have one... or any other of a list of lame excuses they give you?
This happens because most women do not create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.
Plain and simple.
A man is looking for that "WOW!" experience with a woman.
And when he does not feel it, there is nothing a woman who does not make him FEEL this way can do or say to make him want something more with her.
He just loses interest and moves on.
The other thing to know is that men have something that I call the "Pursuit Gene."
There is a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge.
I know it sounds cliche, and it is true.
Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Men will meet this challenge in one of two ways:
1. They will find fulfillment from the feeling of "freedom" and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short-term (sex)
2. They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and "longer-term intimate" way (relationship)
Here is the AMAZING part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.
Interesting...
The point is, men LOVE the chase.
It is part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man is experiencing an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something else happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her.
He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional CONTROL to him.
Which destroys the strongest "lead-in" to creating lasting love with a man.
What is that "lead-in"?
ATTRACTION AND SEDUCTION.Men want to feel ATTRACTION to a woman so he can enjoy the SEDUCTION of her.
They do not want a woman to try to convince them that what they are experiencing and feeling should be meaningful and loving.
That is not how men work.
Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.
Get where I am going here?
DO NOT DENY HIM THE THRILL OF THE CHASE
So if you do not allow a man to FEEL that desire, to feel like he cannot stop thinking about you and wanting you BEFORE you sleep with him, it will not create a situation where he is going to want anything more than a fleeting sexual experience.
There is a way to get a man FEELING it for you.
There are specific behaviors and attitudes that make a woman literally IRRESISTIBLE to a man, so that he will feel that strong desire to be with you before, during and the all-important AFTER getting physically intimate with him.
And he will not only be "open" to talking about something deeper and more meaningful with you, he will INSIST on it.
I know I have given you a lot to "think" about Justin.
Now consider this.
You want a Great Man in your life who will "love,""adore" and "ravish" and you.
The answer is pretty simple....
You, your self have to be that "Great Woman" a REAL Man will be ATTRACTED to and want to be with!
The "questions" is..
Are you the "Great Woman" the "Prize" a man desires to "Win" and you his one and only woman?
The "questions" is..
Are you the "Great Woman" the "Prize" a man desires to "Win" and you his one and only woman?
Yours Sincerely
Ange Fonce
What would happen if you know the 5 things about a woman that a man is genetically programmed to be attracted to... and how to quickly let a man know you possess ALL these qualities
The mysterious "missing ingredient" that makes a man interested in MUCH MORE than just a short fling or affair.
Imagine how life would be for you?
Are you wanting to know more so you can understand and build that "deep emotional intimate" connection with a man?
Contact me now.
As always leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.
Average men and women know only the rules.
Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!
For Love, Passion and Intimacy...
Ange Fonce
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Are you AWARE how your SEXUAL beliefs and conditioning maybe a MAJOR block to your HAPPINESS, LOVE and INTIMACY?
“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them.” ~ Ange Fonce
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Please feel free to forward this article to a friend or let them know they can receive their own articles by subscribing to "Intimate Communion Magazine" I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them.
In : DYNAMIC SEXUAL INTIMACY For Men And Women
Tags: ange fonce women men flirting sex emotional attraction love intimacy relationships dating feminine coaching sexual chemistry social courting how to trigger emotional attraction with men
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