How Porn affects Men and causes Sexual Dysfunction with REAL Women.

A very different subject in this article about Sex, Sexuality and Intimacy.

In writing this article I wear my "Sex Therapist" hat.

I constantly receive a small but steady number of e mails from mainly female readers of "Intimate Communion." 

And sometimes men.

About how their partners addiction to porn is severely affecting their relationship.

And the issue of "Porn Induced Sexual Dysfunction" is being recognized more and more by professionals who work in the Psychological Sexual field.

It is something I am coming across more in my own work with couples and individuals.

And it is becoming a REAL issue with young men and is adversely affecting their natural sex drive.

A growing number of young, healthy Internet pornography male users are complaining of delayed ejaculation, inability to be turned on by real partners, and sluggish erections.

Lots of men, 20s or so, cannot get it up anymore (an erection) with a real woman, and they all relate having a serious porn/masturbation habit. 

Most men will never openly discuss this with friends or co-workers, for fear of getting laughed out of town. 

But when someone tells their story on a health forum, and there are 50-100 replies from other guys who struggle with the same thing, this is for real. and more!

Threads relating to this issue are springing up all over the Web on bodybuilding, medical help and pick-up artist forums, in at least twenty countries. 

Notice from one such forum...

"Due to the overwhelming emails and requests we have received concerning pornography addiction and erectile dysfunction, we decided to create an entirely different thread. ED due to porn is becoming rapidly common, especially for young men."

Desperate young men from various cultures, with different levels of education, religiosity, attitudes, values, diets, marijuana use and personalities are seeking help.

They have only two things in common: heavy use of today's Internet porn and increasing need for more extreme material.

Many have previously been to doctors, undergone various tests, and been declared "just fine" physically. 

Neither they nor their health care providers considered excessive porn use as a potential cause of their continued performance problems. 

Most were assured that "masturbation cannot cause erectile dysfunction." (Probably true, but unfortunately Internet porn use can.)

The final diagnosis was generally "performance anxiety."

Is anxiety really the cause?

Here is a simple test if you are a heavy internet "porn" user... 

Try to masturbate (alone) using no porn and no fantasy-only sensual touch. 

Use the same speed and pressure as you would during intercourse.

How erect is your penis without porn?

If your penis is not fully erect, or it takes effort to become erect, then the chances are that anxiety is not the source of your problems. 

Persistent performance problems can certainly lead to anxiety, however. 

As one man said after he recovered following three months Coaching with me without masturbation or porn...

"It's hard to tell where addiction ends and anxiety begins. I think a combination of the two is involved in a lot of situations."

Not long ago, Italian urologists confirmed an erectile dysfunction-porn use connection via a large survey. 

When interviewed about the survey, urologist Carlo Foresta (head of the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine and professor at the University of Padua) mentioned that 70 percent of the young men seeking clinical help for sexual performance problems admit to using Internet pornography habitually.

Recovery appears to take 6-12 weeks, and rests primarily on one factor: avoiding the extreme stimulation of Internet erotica. 

Many also avoid masturbation for a time, either because at first they cannot masturbate without porn fantasy, or because climax triggers binging.

Among those who recover, progression is surprisingly similar. 

Men typically report that after a few days of intense sexual cravings, their libido plummets and their penis seems "lifeless," "shrunken," or "cold." 

These "flat line" symptoms typically continue for up to six weeks on average, dependent upon age and intensity of porn use.

Gradually, morning erections return, followed by libido and, perhaps, occasional spontaneous erections. 

Finally, there is complete recovery of erectile health, sexual desire for real partners, sex becomes extremely pleasurable, and condom use is no longer problematic.

Excerpts from E mails...

"I am a 25-year old male, masturbating a lot from 13 and using porn from 14. Gradually, it took more to turn me on: bigger fantasies or harder porn, and I stopped getting hard without touching. During sex I would struggle to get an erection or keep it, especially for intercourse.

Over the past 7 years I haven't held down a relationship, and the main reason for me has been this problem. Now the good news: When I realized the cause, after counselling with you. I immediately gave up porn. Over the last 6 weeks I held off masturbating as much as I possibly could. (My best record was 9 days!)

It all paid off. I just went away with a girl for the weekend and it was the best ever. I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. I still get pretty anxious from all the bad experiences over the years. But I just wanted to tell you Ange it can work, and it's been well worth my time with you!"

Dean.......UK

Man age 36

"I'm actually totally impressed how HUGE I get. It has been kinda hard to ignore. I mean, my erections are ROCK HARD and ENORMOUS. I remember how I was before working with you Ange. Limp and lifeless and my wife complaining. She had every right to really. Well, I got my erection back."

How can porn cause sexual performance trouble?

The main cause appears to be physiological, and not so much psychological, given that such diverse men change only one variable (porn use), yet report a similar recovery pattern. 

For these men, anxiety is secondary.

Recent behavioral addiction research suggests that the loss of libido and performance occur because heavy users are numbing their brain's normal response to pleasure. 

Years of overriding the natural limits of libido with intense stimulation desensitize the user's response to a neurochemical called dopamine.

Dopamine is behind motivation, "wanting" and all addictions. 

It drives the search for rewards. 

You get little spurts of it every time you bump into anything potentially rewarding, novel, surprising, or even anxiety-producing.

Animal models have established that both sexual desire and erections arise from dopamine signals. 

Normally, dopamine-producing nerve cells in the reward circuitry activate the sexual (libido) centers of the hypothalamus, which in turn activate the erection centers in the spinal cord, which send nerve impulses to the genitalia. 

A steady stream of nerve impulses, which release nitric oxide into the penis and its blood vessels, maintain an erection.

Nitric oxide in turn stimulates the blood vessel dilator cGMP, the on/off switch for blood engorgement of the penis and erection. 

The more cGMP is available the more durable the erection. 

So, the pathway from the brain to an erection is...

Reward circuitry (dopamine) > hypothalamus > spinal cord > nerves > penis.

Erections start with dopamine and end with cGMP. 

Sexual enhancement drugs work by inhibiting the breakdown of cGMP, thus allowing it to accumulate in the penis. 

Yet if the man's brain is not producing enough signals in the first place, ED drugs will not increase libido or pleasure even if they (sometimes) produce an erection.

From E mail...

"My ED is definitely porn-related because even erection pills do little but sometimes help enough to penetrate or get an erection. But, NEVER is the feeling good...because I still don't feel anything. I've lost most, if not all my sensitivity."

In the case of age-related erectile dysfunction, cardiovascular conditions or diabetes, the primary weak link tends to be the nerves, blood vessels and penis. 

However, for men with porn-induced erectile dysfunction, the weak link is not the penis, but rather the desensitized dopamine system in the brain.

The relevance of recent addiction brain science.

In the last decade or so, addiction researchers have discovered that too much dopamine stimulation has a paradoxical effect. 

The brain decreases its ability to respond to dopamine signals (desensitization). 

This occurs with all addictions, both chemical and natural. 

In some porn users, the response to dopamine is dropping so low that they cannot achieve an erection without constant hits of dopamine via the Internet.

Erotic words, pictures and videos have been around a long while, but the Internet makes possible a never-ending stream of 24 hour dopamine spikes. 

Today's internet users can force its release by watching porn in multiple windows, searching endlessly, fast-forwarding to the bits they find hottest, switching to live sex chat, viewing constant novelty, firing up their mirror neurons with video action and cam-2-cam, or escalating to extreme genres and anxiety-producing material. 

And for the most part it is all free, easy to access, available within seconds, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

Over stimulation of the reward circuitry in the brain is a very real possibility today.

Many men do not realize their brain's sensitivity is declining toward REAL SEX because Internet erotica delivers endless dopamine hits-making erection and climax possible where normal encounters would not. 

When they try to have actual intercourse with a REAL WOMAN and cannot, they understandably panic.

The brain changes causing porn-induced erectile dysfunction arise from actual physical addiction processes (among them, numbing of the pleasure response of the brain).

Quitting can therefore be quite challenging. 

In addition to an alarming temporary drop in libido, some men experience withdrawal symptoms: insomnia, irritability, panic, despair, concentration problems, and even flu-like symptoms.

Finding a good sex therapist or coach who understands addiction, and why today's porn has different effects from viewing a Playboy magazine, can be very helpful.

The brain needs a chance to "reboot," that is, return to normal dopamine sensitivity. 

This can take a couple of months.

Most men are astonished to learn that pornography use can be a source of sexual performance problems. 

Instead, many are becoming convinced that ED at twenty-something is normal. 

They are amazed that heavy porn use can affect them adversely, that no one told them it could affect them, and that humans have actually masturbated without porn. 

There is almost total ignorance about the significance for porn users of the recent discoveries of addiction science.

Some effects of porn addiction are...

Escalation/Desensitization. 

Porn addicts experience an ever-increasing lust and a craving for more intense porn. 

Eventually "soft-core" porn is not stimulating enough, which pushes them into "hard-core." 

It is a downward spiral.

Dissatisfaction with your sex life. 

Spouses of addicts are affected as sex does not satisfy the addict as it once did. 

Men who look at porn are dissatisfied by their wife/girlfriend appearance and this often leads to dysfunctional relationships.

Addiction to masturbation. 

Those men addicted to porn are almost always addicted to masturbation. 

The sexual urges become so strong that masturbation becomes the easiest way of release.

Shame and guilt. 

Emotional pain is perhaps the most common effect of porn addiction. 

A deep sense of failure and shame is often experienced.

Un-erasable images in your mind. 

Men who no longer view porn fight with mental images for years. 

They struggle to erase these images from their mind.

"Lonerism" and Secrecy. 

Men who are Porn addicts generally keep to themselves and keep their addiction secret. 

This often results in dysfunctional relationships.

Acting it out. 

Those men who view porn frequently have a greater tendency to act out those sexual behaviors on others, no matter what the cost. 

This may include rape, group sex, voyeurism, having sex with children, inflicting pain, etc.

A distorted view of women. 

Women in porn are objectified by men, mere property, and something to compete for or conquer. 

If you are suffering from Erectile Dysfunction, and want to restore your potency, be optimistic.

A few facts:

1. This is 100% fixable.

2. It will likely be one of the most difficult things you have ever done.

3. If you ever want a REAL sex life again, you do have to change.

One final point for this article, do not confuse ED with premature ejaculation. 

Premature ejaculation occurs through over excitement by the man. 

He is able to become erect, has a healthy sex drive but lacks control over his ejaculation.

And that is an issue I will discus in the near future.

As always leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you. 

Average men and women know only the rules. 

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love, Passion and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

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