How Emotions Affect Love Sex And Intimacy 

By Ange Fonce

I would like to talk about and share with you some of the keys I have learned over the years that have helped many of my male clients to develop a sexually fulfilling and intimate relationship with their lover and partner.. 

If you are a man, learning these skills will lead you to a much more intimate and full filling sex and relationship for you and your lover.

One thing I think that is very important is to look at emotions and how it impacts on relationship.

For most women in a relationship, they need to feel really appreciated and loved before they desire a lot of sex... any negative behaviour that kills the connection between  lovers will tend to kill the desire for sex.

A Clients Comment

"I think that the biggest barrier to me wanting to have sex is if I feel hurt by something my partner has said or done. I need to have that loving connection first, which is very difficult if I am in pain. I think that many men may not understand this as they may come to a loving connection by having sex."

Unfortunately, most couples are in a battle of their egos, having to be right... they like to argue and fight and to be in control... they also try to change their partner in some way... they blame their partner and find all the little faults to put their lover down... and such emotional behaviour tends to shut down the connection and love between the partners... some couples are even in a continued state of low emotional warfare. 

Another behaviour is to pull away... be absent in mind... watching a lot of porn... drugs... smoking... overeating or unconscious masturbating a few times a day is some signs of escaping the relationship on some level... some couples  use what I call “make up” sex after an argument... the woman being “submissive” to keep the relationship “sweet.”

Feelings like love and happiness brings any lover closer... so I see a clear distinction between emotions and feelings... in terms of a couples harmony... I like to separate emotions such as love as positive and emotions such as anger as negative 

In Psychology... many emotions are triggered by unresolved past issues... usually due to unexpressed and repressed childhood events... so when you get emotionally triggered by a current event... these emotions often surface again and you tend to emotionally find someone to blame and usually you take it out on your partner.

And when such emotions as  love arise in the here and now... can bring a couple closer when expressed... so I suggest the following simple practice that can totally change your relationship.

Become aware of your emotions as they surface... say to your partner when negative emotions arise... 

“I am feeling triggered.”  

“I am feeling emotional.”

“I need time out.”

“I need to be alone.”

Leave the situation and go outside and move and shout and really fully feel and express the emotion... you might need to get rather physical to really get out of your emotional pain... it is important to feel the emotion and let it flow without any physical violence to anything or anyone. 

Hitting a pillow is a method I would recommend.

The trick is to be observant and see the emotions as they arise and maintain some awareness to follow the above method... this can take a bit of self awareness, practice and self control.

After the emotion has subsided, which could take some minutes or even hours... come back to your partner.

I strongly suggest you place the connection and love in your relationship as of more value as compared to expressing your negative emotions... your need of being right... even when you are... and getting into a habit of blaming your partner.

So I feel the key to a conscious relationship is to take responsibility for your emotions... you can learn to avoid giving your partner your negative emotions by taking time out... you can also start to fully express your positive feelings.

If you partner is abusive, violent, very controlling or self destructive... then I would like to suggest to you that they will never change... unless they do deep inner work on themselves with a therapist. 

If they are unable to change... then consider it is time to move on... it is just not worth the effort to try to change someone... you deserve better... find someone that you really love just as they are... and they in turn love and appreciate you. 

Remember, like yourself, no one is perfect.

Non violent communication is another process that I educate my clients in.. 

“You always are doing.”

Is the usual blame sentence... learn to replace this with I am feeling.

Another key I have found is to improve your “listening skills”.... try to get out of you more usual masculine mode of “trying to fix” style of communication... instead get into “understanding” what is actually being said!

Many times in the past I would offer advice how to improve my emotional partners state of mind and this just make the situation worse... now it is “natural” to listen and feel my lovers emotions... so I can understand what she is experiencing... instead of trying to “fix” her.

“So you are feeling...” 

Is a great way to communicate in an emotional situation.

If you start to get triggered by your partner being emotional, just follow the take time out technique. 

Set The Example To Your Partner!

I try to keep in my mind to avoid arguing with an emotional person.. the teacher Osho was the first to mention the difference between emotions and feelings and this idea has been expanded in Diana Richardson's excellent book...


I also recommend her book... 


And this is a really good book for men...


I highly recommend you check out these books if you want to transform the damage of negative emotions in your intimate relationship... and build a more deeper intimate “connection” with your lover.

And finally for this article... here is a really useful and practical for men... is to put in their calendar the most likely days of their woman's period in the month...  so you can be a little prepared for this sensitive time in a woman's cycle.

Now... if you want to KNOW more about the "deeper skills" of courting, relationships, and intimacy.

Please do Contact me.



As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

Average men and women know only the rules.

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are truly Passionate and DYNAMIC Lovers!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

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