How Do You Deal With Sexual Abuse

To Move Forward In Your Relationship Life?

By Ange Fonce

I personally like to keep a positive focus on life... yet the reality is for many people especially women that abuse is often very much the reality of their  life and in this article in the series I have been writing about Abuse... this article focuses on Sexual Abuse.

And although the focus is on what women suffer... sexual abuse is not exclusive to women... many men are victims of sexual abuse too... especially when they are younger and this article is for all those women and men who have suffered sexual abuse to help them to heal and grow!

I myself suffered abuse as a child physical... emotional... mental and yes as a teenager... sexual abuse.

Even though I am a Therapist myself I struggled for many years dealing with the psychological issues I suffered with so this article is written from personal experience and the many experiences of my clients.

So on with this article...

Since you were sexually abused it is no wonder that you might have sexual issues in one way or another!

Some women and men do not want to have anything to do with sexing at all... like they want to become nuns or monks so they do not have to deal with the subject ever again... extreme and true also not realistic as some women go the opposite direction and become sexing addicts... sexing anywhere any time any place you get the idea!

Sexual promiscuity is sexing with many partners without protection usually this is definitely a sexual issue!

Some of my clients have had what is called angry sexing which is to get back at their abusers through men and women they do not know and I have to be honest... something I did myself in my early twentys and I am not proud of and it really does not have to make sense as the result can be...

Unwanted pregnancies


STDs or venereal diseases and there are many out there that you really do not want... you could get killed get raped get robbed the possibilities are endless all of them not good!

By the way this is not the way to meet Mr. Right or Mrs Right as I tried it and it dose not work... trust me!

Painful sexing is another symptom... obviously this means pain with intercourse.

You can be obsessed with your sexual organ cleanliness and wash obsessively although there are more... I will stop with these since I feel these are the most prominent ones... now a scary sexing issue...

Sexual Abuse Of Others

A percentage of sexually abused women and men in turn go to sexually abuse others. 

This is not a huge percentage... in fact most sexual abusers were physically abused rather than sexually abused primarily according to statistics.

Abuse is about power and control... victims feel powerless and alone and like they have no control over their life and one reason people turn to sexually abusing others is because they never really got help or treatment for their issues related to their own abuse and I would not go running and screaming in fear that you are going to sexually abuse anyone because you have taken a huge step towards your recovery to get help!

However if you have already abused someone GET PROFESSIONAL HELP... NOW!

You can still stop the process and do not have to do it again... stop the cycle of abuse now... you are still loved and valued and supported

Remember that okay.

Sexual Abuse Signs And Facts

You have made it this far because you know that you have been sexually abused possibly as a child as I was.

The reason I am giving you the facts about sexual abuse and signs of abuse is because for some of you it might be new information and for some it may be review.

In any case for me my sexual abuse felt like someone had reached into my chest and ripped out my heart and left a black hole in which I spent years trying to fill with anything and everything... sound familiar... I hope the definition is helpful to you and it truly is important knowledge for you to move forward in recovery.

In common terms a child who is basically forced or coerced by an adult or an older child to perform a sexing act against his or her will or to watch a sexual act taking place is sexually abused!

That is a fact... the child may even have enjoyed the act and it still WAS NOT THEIR FAULT!

The adult could have been a friend of your family a member of your family or a complete stranger yet many times it is someone you know and if the abuse was incest with a member of your family and if the force was not physical which is common many people feel guilty because they did not do anything to stop the sexing abuse... this is a COMMON feeling and can cause deep seeded guilt.

You must remember that YOU were the child and it was the ADULTS responsibility to take care of YOU and not take advantage of you... I do not care how many times I have to say it... THE ABUSE WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! 

Sexual abuse applies to you even when you are an adult and another adult abuses or assaults you sexually. 

If you were older when the abuse occurred it could have been perpetrated by your boyfriend your husband or your girlfriend... the signs can still be the same... it is still sexual abuse!

What Are The Affects Of Sexual Abuse?

Now the signs or the emotional reactions to sexual abuse are...

Being in your body...

Do you feel at home in your body?

Do you feel comfortable expressing yourself sexually with another?

Do you feel that you are a part of your body or does your body feel like a separate entity?

Have you ever intentionally and physically hurt yourself?

Do you find it difficult to listen to your body?


Do you feel out of control of your feelings?

Do you feel you sometimes do not understand all the feelings you are experiencing?

Are you overwhelmed by the wide range of feelings you have?


What are your expectations of your partner in a relationship?

Do you find it easy to trust others?

Do you find difficulty in making commitments?

Even though you are in a relationship are you still lonely?

Is it hard for you to allow others to get close to you?

Do you find yourself in relationships with people who remind you of your abuser or you know is no good for you?

Personal Confidence...

Do you find it difficult to love yourself?

Do you have a hard time accepting yourself?

Are you ashamed of yourself?

Do you have expectations of yourself that are not realistic?


Do you enjoy sexing?

Do you find it difficult to express yourself sexually?

Do you find yourself using sexing to get close to someone?

Does sexing make you feel dirty?

Are you present during sexing?

What Problems Are Caused By Sexual Abuse?

Major sexual symptoms of sexual abuse...

Difficulty with becoming aroused and feeling sensations

Sexing feels like an obligation

Sexual thoughts and images that are disturbing

Inappropriate sexing behaviours or sexing compulsivity

Vaginal pain

Inability to achieve orgasm or other orgasmic difficulties

Erections problems or ejaculatory difficulty

Feeling dissociated while having sexing

Detachment or emotional distance while having sexing

Being afraid of sexing or avoiding sexing

Guilt... fear... anger... disgust or other negative feelings when being touched

Major long term medical symptoms of sexual abuse...


Vaginal or pelvic pain

Eating disorders


TMJ syndrome

Low back pain... chest pressure

Erection problems or ejaculatory difficulty


Dizziness... fainting

Self harming... self mutilation

Chronic physical complaints

Major long term psychological symptoms of sexual abuse...


Panic Attacks

Low personal esteem

Stress disorders... PTSD

Personality disorders

Substance abuse

Self abuse behaviours

Many people feel depressed and sometimes suicidal... have eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia

They might have sleep disturbances... cannot sleep... sleep too much etc. 

Possibly have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... acquire venereal diseases like AIDS or gonorrhea... display self abusive behaviours

Have very little to no personal esteem... have nightmares... have sexual issues... anger problems and may even go on to sexually abuse others as covered under sexual issues... you can also have memory loss which goes along with dissociation and to the extreme... develop multiple personalities or Multiple Personality Disorder and MPD definitely requires professional help. 

If you have significant amounts of memory loss or time you cannot account for you should definitely get in touch with a professional therapist... psychologist or psychiatrist.

I have only mentioned a few and the most common... I know it can be pretty scary if any or all of them apply to you... do not to get too worried as we can all relate to some of them and you are determined to move forward toward recovery or dance forward... okay I am being kind of syrupy and optimistic... I DO know that it can be extremely painful... like a painful sore in your soul that has festered over time and is a constant ache inside of you. 

And please note... I will say many times that you should seek professional help... the reason for this is if you are sitting at your computer weighing 80lbs... thinking you are fat... crying... holding a knife to your wrist... then realise you have a real problem to deal with and unless you ask for help... no one is going to understand what you are going through! 

I can not help you adequately over the Internet and stop you... yet I can be there to LISTEN and SHARE with YOU!

There are genuine men and women who care about you to let you stay in that state of mind! 

I also do not have the direct means to think I can help you physically from where I am... however I can encourage you to make the call for help.

You can also email me and I will do whatever I can to assist you in making that call for help!

Open the door and allow someone to care... it is your choice.

Now you know some of the basic facts and the signs of sexual abuse especially with depression and low personal esteem... I urge you to open the door and allow someone to care!

You do not have to suffer alone.

Onward to healing!

Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?

I would love to hear from you.

Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!

Yours Sincerely

Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers

1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.

2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!

3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth! 

4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!

To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for what you would like help with CLICK HERE

"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"

Join us today and become one of The Tribe... a DYNAMIC Lifer and if you want to share with a friend a writing... please go ahead and let them know they can receive their own writings via e mail by directly joining The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers...I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them.