For "Dynamic Lovers" Techniques & Exercises For Better Female Orgasms Part 3 "Advanced Directed Orgasm Work"

Now in this article part 3, we go deep into "Sexual Intimacy" and "Sexuality" of your body, mind and heart.

These exercises in this article build upon the ones in the previous article part 2 "Embodiment Exercises" Get Back Into Your Orgasmic Body.

And please note: The exercises described in this article, although written in the context for male - female lovers.

Are just as powerful for female - female lovers.

It should not be understood that you have to be good at the basic stuff before you move on to this work. 

It’s not like that.

The section on “Basic Exercises” involves things that every woman ought to know, ought to be doing, or ought to have passed through just as preparation.

These exercises involve more attention from you. 

Some of them involve your partner. 

But every one of them is accessible to you right now. 

No need to wait until you have “mastered” anything from the previous articles.

Be playful with them. 


Be curious. 

Have fun. 

There’s no “right way” to do them, and there is nothing to “accomplish”, so there is nothing to judge yourself for. 

Be gentle with yourself and enjoy the process.

Set Intentions

Setting intentions is not setting goals. 

It is a tool to create the right mood and “head space” for yourself going into sexual pleasure.

You can set an intention for love making, or you can set an intention for your orgasms. 

Taking a moment, before you begin, to create this frame, allows you to shape the experience that follows without leaving it up to whatever happens to stray into your head.

If you don’t set an intention, you may find yourself fighting off unwelcome thoughts (e.g., of work, stress, inadequacy, whether or not you’ll have an orgasm, etc.), and discover that you’re only tool is, “no! stop thinking about that!”

If you have tried that one, you probably already know that it’s not terribly effective.

When you set an intention, you have something to focus your mind on instead, and it creates an emotional space of your choosing. Something that you can return to and focus on if unwelcome thoughts arise.

Some examples of intentions that you might set could be:

“I am going to completely trust and surrender to my lover,”

“I am going to send love to every soul in the Universe with my orgasms,”

“My intention is to see how much pleasure my body can stand and explore the outer reaches of pleasure possibility,”

“I am going to give love to my body and accept it exactly as it is in every moment that I am making love,”

“I am going to stay so deeply connected with my lover that he is going to feel my orgasms coursing through his own body,”

“My intention is to become pure love and to connect deeply with life”

These are some nice ones, but yours may be completely different.

The good news is that your intention is yours. 

Make it anything you want, and in doing so, make your orgasm into anything you want.


The first type of permission you need to work on is the permission that you give yourself.

  • Who decides if you can have a wild, screaming orgasm? 
  • Who decides if you can share a dark and potentially shocking fantasy with your lover? 
  • Who decides if you can do a slow strip-tease for your lover without being self-conscious about this or that part of your body? 
  • And who decides if you can abandon all control, completely surrender all trust and safety, and completely let go into orgasm?
Some women feel, right before they climax, that if they release they might accidentally urinate on themselves. 

This is actually the build up of fluid in the intraurethral gland pressing against the urethra and bladder. 

It is the precursor to female ejaculation. 

Could you give yourself permission to just let go and not worry about whether or not you’re going to pee?

If you really think about this, you will ultimately realize that there is a person denying you permission. 

And that person is YOU.

Giving yourself permission to look stupid, to make weird animal noises, or to do anything else that might come up is a hugely liberating act.

I think of giving yourself permission to have an orgasm as a particularly deep form of setting an intention.

I do this myself as a man and I am totally liberated in my sexuality.

For most women who struggle with having an orgasm, this matter of “permission” is often the key.

A challenge here is that often you don’t even realize how much permission you are denying yourself. 

Deep parts of your identity can be wired into the need to maintain control and deny yourself permission to lose control.

Society, culture, religion, experiences with other children when you were younger, self-image, and a thousand other factors have built invisible self-controls into every one of us. 

You have little unspoken rules and beliefs about everything you do, and particularly around things like sex, nudity, pleasure, deservingness, receiving, and control.

Can you give yourself permission to BREAK some of those rules and beliefs?

I encourage you to do some free-association writing about areas where you have rules, beliefs, and deny yourself permission around sex, sexual pleasure, and your entitlement to enjoy pleasure in general.

You might be surprised by what you discover.

Then look yourself in the mirror and give yourself permission to break those rules and beliefs. 

Give yourself permission to say, “I don’t give a shit, I’m going to just completely let it all out, and I don’t care what happens next.”

Finally, one of the most important aspects of permission is to get your partner’s permission.

This, usually, is a case where you are denying yourself permission because of some (almost always false) belief that your partner would be uncomfortable and would not approve of you completely letting go.

This is actually just you projecting your negative belief onto him so that you can have an excuse for not dealing with it.

The way to break through this and completely dissolve it is to simply ask your partner for permission and let him (or her) tell you directly that you have permission.

For them it may seem completely obvious… they may be shocked that you are even asking. 

But for you it could be very liberating.

Try this...

“I would like your permission to explore the outer reaches of what is possible for me in orgasm. I want your permission to surrender so deeply that I may make ugly faces, scare the neighbours with crazy sounds, and for all I know I might actually wet the bed. I trust you, and I want to see what happens if I just let go completely. Will you give me your permission?”

If you try saying these words, or something very similar to your partner, I think you will really like what happens next.

Being A Good Receiver

If Permission is a special case of Setting Intentions, then Being A Good Receiver is a special case of Permission.

Can you give yourself permission to receive as much as your lover, your body, or passion wants to give you?

Typically you limit yourself to how much you allow yourself to receive based upon what you believe you “deserve,” or by how much you are willing to give in return.

What if you eliminated both of those ideas and just allowed yourself to receive everything that was being offered without judgement, qualification, or doubt?

Since the idea of “deserving” turns out to be a mind-game that you use to punish yourself (there is no real definition or number of what deserving really ought to be for you), you may as well define it as this...

"Anything you get in the Universe you are meant to have received. If you are getting it, then it must mean that you deserve it."

The problem happens when your partner is giving to you, and you start looping in your brain... 

“Oh no, I haven’t come yet, he must be getting tired. I’ll bet soon he will be frustrated. Perhaps I should do something for him now? Maybe I should just fake it so that he won’t feel like he needs to just keep going. Oh, I am feeling so guilty that he is working so hard at this and I haven’t really done anything for him yet. Crap! I’m getting so uncomfortable with all of this that maybe I should just tell him to stop already!”

As mentioned in other areas of these series of articles, the above is an example of what men refer to as “bad in bed.” 

Men want a woman who is a good receiver - who is willing to lay back and absorb as much enjoyment as we are willing to dish out. 

And if you do tell him to “stop already,” he will feel hurt, rejected, and disconnected from you as a lover.

Cultivate the ability to be a great receiver. 

Make your gift to him your ability to receive what he is giving. 

Forget orgasm! 

Just lay back and enjoy the love and attention that your partner is pouring into you.

Once you get out of your own way and stop that frantic dialogue around receiving and just accept whatever it is that you are getting as the gift that it is intended to be, it will free up your mind for more beautiful intentions and you will find that the orgasm stops running away from you because you have stopped chasing.

Internal Massage

The technique described in this section is sometimes referred to as “awakening the G Spot,” and for women who do not experience sexual sensitivity from G Spot stimulation, this technique has been very successful in allowing them to experience G Spot orgasm.

Somatic Sexological Bodywork, a field of study first conceived by Joseph Kramer, a master massage therapist with a degree in human sexuality, combines the use of massage and bodywork with research into sexual issues. 

This study uncovered some very interesting approaches to helping women achieve orgasms.

For women who either have not had an orgasm, or women who have not had vaginal orgasm, Kramer, and those who studied with him, discovered that “blockages”, caused by knots in the tissue or compressed nerves were often found to be inhibiting sensation.

Even more recently, neurologists have confirmed that emotions and emotional memory are often stored in the tissue throughout the body.

Yoga practitioners have known this for centuries. 

It is not uncommon when deeply stretching the hips to find powerful emotions awakened as emotional memories stored deep in the tissue of the pelvis are released, and come bubbling up into consciousness.

And so it appears that the tissue of the vagina retains certain emotional traumas from childhood (sometimes from sexual abuse, but just as often non-sexual trauma),that then prevents full sensation.

Here is the exercise...

A finger is inserted into the vagina, either you own or your partner’s, (Yes this exercise is the same for lovers of the same sex) and pressed firmly into the wall. 

Then the woman being massaged reports on the sensation.

Working in a circular clock pattern, and then slowly increasing the depth of insertion, the entire inside surface of the vagina is mapped.

When a sensation of either discomfort or numbness is encountered, the pressure is reduced slightly, and the woman takes a long, slow, deep inhale, visualizing breathing into that spot in the vagina. 

Then the breath is let out in a long sigh, preferably with sound as the pressure on the spot is gently re-applied.

More instruction in this technique can be found in this article....

How To Blow Her Mind In Bed! And The POWERFUL "Welcome Method"

The technique may be repeated 3 times in succession, and then should be allowed to rest to assess the results across the following week.

An enormous number of women have reported great results in returning, not only sensation, but a big increase in pleasure inside of the vagina. 

And many women subsequently are able to achieve vaginal orgasm. 

The results are particularly positive when combined with the other exercises in the links shown below.

Allow Your Partner To Watch You Masturbate

As I mentioned, all personal growth happens outside of your comfort zone.

This exercise is important on several different levels. 

The first is that it will improve his skills as a lover immensely to get a direct understanding of how you like to do it yourself. 

Especially his skills in the oral department will be much improved by watching how you touch yourself, where, at what rhythm, and how you vary it over time to bring yourself to climax.

The second thing that is great about this exercise is that it is a huge trust-builder in your relationship. 

Once you have crossed this threshold you will feel greater intimacy in every area of your relationship.

The more difficult you find the exercise, the more powerful will be the benefits in trust and intimacy building.

Insecurity and the inability to relax into trust are fuelled by shame and secrecy.

Once the secret of how you look when you masturbate is “out of the bag,” the shame will simply evaporate.

And the third reason, tightly related to the second, is that masturbating in front of your lover, if it is something that feels difficult for you, will also be excellent practice at “surrendering”. 

And the ability to consciously, at will, let go and surrender is the most essential component of of being able to reach orgasm easily and quickly.

Practice Surrender

As mentioned above, orgasm is virtually always an act of surrender. 

You do not force your way into an orgasm, you allow the orgasm to happen by releasing control.

Allowing your lover to watch you masturbate is a great exercise for practising this beautiful art.

Another great exercise to practice with your lover is to blindfold yourself and then fall backwards into his arms.

Practice this until you can do it without bending at the waist. 

If your partner is strong and confident that he can do it without risk, try doing the same exercise while standing on top of a low chair or the edge of the bed.

Any deliberate surrender of control will be powerful for you. 

Roller coasters before love making are magical. 

On the reality television show, “The Bachelor,” it has been noted that whichever of the women go on the date where they go bungie jumping together, invariably ends up with the proposal at the end of the show.

Meditation is a powerful way to practice surrender. 

It is not a “quick fix” method, but one that requires time and dedication and will pay you big dividends in virtually every area of your life.

Reveal secrets! 

What is it you have been holding back? 

What do you often think about that, if your lover knew about, he would probably think you are a terrible person? 

Try trusting him with this secret.

Don’t just blurt it out. 

Carefully set the stage by telling him that you want to reveal something about your self as a matter of respect for the love that you share.

Tell him that you are frightened to reveal it because of shame and because you fear how he may react. 

Tell him that by revealing this truth, you are practising trust and surrender with him. 

Get his reassurance that he can calmly hold the space for you.

Then tell him. You will be amazed what this does for your relationship and your sex.

Where else in your life could you benefit by simply making the decision to live in the process of what you are doing and release the outcome?

Practice Emotional Intelligence

According to a large scientific study, women with a higher EQ (a measure of emotional intelligence), are far more likely to report that they have strong and frequent orgasms.

Emotional intelligence has many components, and chief among them is “empathy,” or the ability to understand the feelings of other people from THEIR perspective.

This is a muscle that you can work on, and the best place to do it is every time you are in an argument or a disagreement with a loved one. 

When you find yourself annoyed and bickering, take the opportunity to consciously leave your body and then take your awareness into their body… see through his eyes for a moment and feel what it feels like inside there. What is his emotion?

Where is it coming from?

The next thing you might want to try is to drift up out of his body and then imagine that your awareness is outside the two of you, like a third person watching the disagreement. 

What insights can you get about the motivations and emotions of these two people… yours and his?

As a side benefit, this will dramatically improve the communication in your overall relationships with virtually everyone you regularly interact with.

A second component of EQ is forgiveness and acceptance of the emotions of yourself and others.

Do you sometimes beat yourself up over an emotion that you experienced? 

Say you got angry and said some things that you did not mean. 

After you apologize do you continue to feel ashamed about the way that you acted?

Having the courage to accept yourself and forgive yourself for being human (because ALL humans have emotions… it’s just part of the package), is a big part of emotional intelligence.

Get into the practice of honouring your feelings. 

That does not mean “give your emotions power over your life,” but rather, when you have strong emotions, recognize the gift that those emotions represent. 

Recognize in what ways they serve you (yes, even the negative emotions). 

And practice using your emotions as an artful tool that was given to you for your use.

Work to increase awareness around your emotions, and then bring that awareness into the bedroom with you. 

Stay sensitive to what you are feeling emotionally and what your partner is feeling emotionally. 

Experience the emotions. 

If some of them are negative, forgive yourself and him immediately. 

See how you can use your emotions to serve the love making.

And then prepare yourself, because this path leads to deeply intense orgasms.

Notes On Deeply Intense Orgasms

Following the exercises in this Action Articles can lead to orgasmic experiences that are profoundly unfamiliar and powerful in a way that, while wonderful, could potentially be difficult for you to integrate into your thoughts and emotions afterwards.

Surrendering deeply into orgasm can be far more than just something that “feels really, really good.”

“Good” at this level can be more like “overwhelm” and “overload.”

It’s very important that you honour these powerful experiences as more than just recreational or it could lead to confusion and even persistent emotional upset if not handled right.

After a deeply intense orgasm, it is very common to be flooded with overwhelming emotions. 

These emotions will frequently cause you to cry, sometimes uncontrollably with full blown sobbing and hysterics. 

It’s worth mentioning this possibility to your lover in advance.

NOTE: When I am working with couples and conducting "Sex Therapy" and advance "Sexual Methods" with them. 

I inform the male partner (And sometimes the dominant female partner in same sex relationships) that when their lover experiences free and intense orgasms.

A lot of "emotions" will be released and it is for them to hold the "loving space" while she experiences and releases these emotions.

There is nothing wrong with the tears, and most often they are not brought on by sadness, but by bliss. 

But the character of this bliss can be so intense that it does not present as “happy” or “sad”, but just plain old intense.

Allow yourself to just experience it without judgement, shame, or attachment. 

It is a “natural” part of a much-more-than-normal experience.

It is also possible for laughter to happen, and sometimes this laughter can also take on a hysterical aspect. 

Don’t worry, you may sound like a crazy person, but it’s just your system riding out the aftershocks of the profound experience.

All this stuff is GOOD. 

It is cleansing and purifying.

After a deeply intense orgasm, whether or not you laugh or cry, you will want to be extremely gentle with yourself.

You will be EXTREMELY emotionally sensitive.

Caution your lover that even the most good-natured teasing or sarcasm could deeply wound you and make you feel terrible. 

In this state you are as open as a baby in her mother’s arms.

Absolutely avoid television or loud music, or anything else that might offer you jarring or disturbing images.

Protect your conscious attention during this period of sensitivity.

If you enjoy gardening, or have house plants to water, now is a good time. 

A walk in nature is great.

And, of course, a long cuddle with your lover followed by a relaxing sleep is best of all.

NOTE: I have a lover who sobs when she orgasms, because she is intensely happy. 

I kiss her tears as I look into her eyes.

The "emotional" connect between us in beautiful.

But for many lovers when this great release of emotion is expressed.

It catches them unaware.

So when you are the man or the dominant female lover and your partner releases her emotional energy.

Relax and hold her, love her as she is.

She is trusting you in all her "vulnerability!"

Trust her back.

It will take your relationship to a whole new level of trust and intimacy.

If you are experiencing sexual difficulties with your lover or are lacking "confidence" in expressing your own sexual energy?

Then please do Contact Me.

To know more about Gender Education For Human Relationships...CLICK HERE.

And as ever...Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. Average men and women know only the rules. Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce


Powerful Massage Method For Mega Orgasms For Women
("The Welcoming "G" SPOT " A Variation On The Welcome Method)

If you are in a relationship, And that you have tried the method of touching the clitoris at the 2 o'clock position for some time. The Welcome Method!

I suggest that you try the "The Welcoming G" Spot massage. 

When used with the Welcome Method your lover will experience "mind blowing" whole body orgasms. 

I ...

Continue reading ...

10 Great Tips For Mutual Masturbation, Sex And Intimacy

Mutual masturbation you may ask questioningly ?

After all, masturbation is supposed to be something you do by yourself, and if someone else is in the room, isn’t that just called having sex?

It’s true, but masturbation is also form of sex, and sharing masturbation with a lover, can be a wonderful way of sharing intimacy, and a great way to share sexual secrets.

As with all sex, there’s no one way to do it, but here are some tips to get...

Continue reading ...

Her Orgasm Trigger Points That Drive her Wild!  Do You Know Them?

WARNING This Article Contains Images of an Adult Nature

Imagine that you haved learned the EXACT steps to give any woman an orgasm regardless of your size, stamina, or any previous problems

Because you know the exact places to touch a woman, and the exact things to DO to her that will trigger MASSIVE sexual pleasure in her body!

You probably already know a few of them... the clitoris, the g-spot...But what about the rest?

In this ar...

Continue reading ...

The Different Types Of Orgasms Women Can Experience

Here is what the experts will general tell you:

Men only have one type of orgasm (I'd argue against that one, but let's leave that aside for moment)...

Whereas it's fairly common knowledge that women are capable of having different types of orgasms based on where they are stimulated, and that each of these types can feel significantly different.

From the intense high-note rush and vertigo of a clitoral orgasm, to the deep body surrender of the c...

Continue reading ...

Some Women Do - Some Women Don't. Female Ejaculation And Orgasms!

In this article I go into Female Ejaculation as it is often a subject I get asked about by both Men and Women. I published in READERS LETTERS an brief answer to a question about "Female Ejaculation" which resulted in me receiving more emails from women asking about Female Ejaculation. 

So I will start this article with a question I recieved from a reader and go more in depth about Female Ejaculation here on "Intimate Communion".


Continue reading ...

What are Your thoughts and ideas?

"Use the Comments box below and "Have Your Say" (even if you disagree with me).  I really appreciate it when people reply with thoughtful comments. Honestly, it makes my day. Either way I will be glad to hear from you. Also forward this article to a friend or let them know they can receive their own articles by subscribing to "Intimate Communion". I am sure they will appreciate your consideration of them. "

“The greatest compliment you can give me is when you share this with others. I sincerely appreciate it.”