12 Ways To Build A Healthier More Intimate And Loving Relationship 

By Ange Fonce

So you want your relationship to be amazing?

Then know that this does not just happen and takes work... planning... cooperation... personal investment... respect and mutual understanding! 

Great relationships need to be tendered, nurtured and invested into... even when you sometimes feel like doing the opposite.

Here are 12 ways that your relationship... when practised and invested by both partners will greatly nurture and enhance your relationship... to enable your love to flourish and “intimacy” grow between you both!

So let us get going and read on....
1) Realise that relationships ARE about cooperation

Not always as easy or as simple as splitting a piece of pie exactly in half. 

Discuss the issue fully... make sure that both of you understand the other's perspective... does one you feel much more strongly about something than the other? 

Does the issue impinge on either one of your core foundational values in life? 

If so, then tread carefully knowing that such an issue, if compromised, may somewhat destabilise that person's code of truth or sense of self identity.

2) Respect within a relationship is essential

Both with words and in action... realise that you have the power to create the relationship you want. 

The more respect shown in the hardest things, e.g... differences of opinions... sexual boundaries... the more love and trust develops.

3) Men and women have very different underlying NEEDS in a committed love relationship

Note that generalisations certainly do not hold true for all. 

Men long for sexual connection and intimacy and from this feel released to give of themselves in a more emotionally vulnerable way. 

Women long for emotional intimacy and thoroughly feeling loved and then feel released to give of themselves fully in a more sexually vulnerable expressions of love. 

Here is displayed one of the fundamental differences between the sexes... and certainly the most common reason in my own experience for couples to seek relationship coaching... how do you deal with this? 

The best definition of love that I have found so far... comes from in Kahlil Gilbran's "The Prophet"...

"Love gives nought but itself and takes nought but from itself... Love possesses not or would Love be possessed... For Love is sufficient unto Love."

Amongst other things, he states that love is patient and kind and not envious, boastful or proud... love does not behave rudely and is not self seeking. 

Imagine being like this... take stock of your underlying motivations... are they about what you will GET back from the relationship... sexually... emotionally... financially etc.? 

Why not turn it around and GIVE without any strings attached and watch your relationship blossom! 

In short, while recognising the stage of commitment you are in within your relationship, e.g... just met as in “social courting”... courting exclusively each other... married and operating with healthy boundaries in place especially early on, you need to selflessly suspend your own needs and desires and address your partner's needs first. 

In doing this, the laws of giving and sharing never disappoint the giver... who has the “abundance mindset!”

4)  Recognise the need to be adaptable and flexible in your relationship 

Realise that what was important in the morning, is not necessarily as important in the afternoon. 

In other words, you tend to see things with differing levels of importance at differing times and seasons in your life... weigh up what is most important to you NOW and INVEST in those things. 

True investment and love come from giving or even temporarily withholding the things that are most precious or hardest for you to “invest” such as your time,  or sharing your vulnerability. 

Just because some things are hard, or not as you anticipated they would be, does not mean that they are not part of what is best for you, especially if you aspire to maximise your full potential and live out your given destiny.

5) You are made up so many facets, including experiences from your past relationships 

Learn from your past and recognise things are different in the relationship you are now in. 

Do not project old hurts, pains and insecurities onto your partner! 

It is easy to do, so be aware of yourself.

6) You are NOT always right and not everything has to be done the way you have always done it in the past

Genuinely try to see your partner's perspective while momentarily suspending your own. 

There is a reason they think what they think, feel what they feel. 

Seek to understand first before you seek to be understood. 

Empathy is a great skill to possess for building deep and trusting intimate relationships

7) Learn to control anger

Saying hurtful things when annoyed... even if you think they are true! 

Hanging up in conversations, rolling eyes in apathy or placing ultimatums on the relationship only erode trust and vulnerability. 

Rectify these short circuits quickly... otherwise, these "stone walling" behaviours are often the beginning of the end for closeness and intimacy within the relationship. 

Work out rules associated with arguing when you are both feeling really close to one another.... these might include such things as a word or phrase one person may use if they think things are getting out of hand. 

This would then identify to the other party that the other person needs a time out to calm down before you resume the conversation within an agreed period of time.

8) Do not blame your partner for your own insecurities and recognise your own touchy topics

Take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions.

Nurture and invest in your relationship to see your love flourish.

9) Keep short accounts with each other

When you mess up, apologize quickly. 

When you are even a little bit wrong, apologize for that too! 

Do not let pride get the better of you when you know you have made mistakes and do not make your partner feel wrong for your mess up.

10) Make a pact with each other, that you WILL NOT go to bed on an argument or misunderstanding

Even if you cannot agree, accept and respect each others position and move on. 

That you will reaffirm your love and commitment to one another.

11) Good communication is crucial in a healthy relationship

Actively listen to what your partner says. 

Practice the art of reflecting and validating your partner's feelings after they share with you... for example...

After listening to his partner, Bob says...

"So, you're really disappointed that..." 

This allows your partner to feel that they have been heard and understood. 

An extension of this I like to call Drive Through Listening. 

When you go through a Drive Through... the person asks for your order... listens, repeats your order back to you and seeks clarification as to whether this was correct or not. 

While a little painful at first, this simple method is one tried and tested way of finally getting individuals to better understand what their partner is saying. 

Keep this in mind if you both hear yourself shouting... 

"You're not understanding what I'm saying!"

12) Each person has a predominant language in which they most clearly understand expressions of love 

These are called love languages.... find out from your partner what their primary and secondary love languages are, then communicate your love via these means regularly and not just through your OWN preferred love language as this may not be the same as your partner's.

The five love languages are...

Quality time

Physical touch

Acts of service

Words of affirmation

Gift giving

Actively practice these simple relationship tips and watch your relationship grow and prosper! 

Now... if you want to KNOW more about the "deeper skills" of courting, relationships, and intimacy.

Please do Contact me.

As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.

Average men and women know only the rules.

Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

They are truly Passionate and DYNAMIC Lovers!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce


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It is only when you stay in relationships over time that your capacity for intimacy can truly grow. 

Intimacy is about being emotionally close to your partner, about being able to be vulnerable, and let him or her know how you really feel. 

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7 Tools For Building "POWER" Relationships With Your Friends, Workmates and Lovers. 

By Ange Fonce

All healthy relationship include some levels of trust and respect. But power relationships are a breed apart. Power relationships are based on especially deep levels of mutual respect and trust, plus the ultimate personality power tool - authenticity. 

Here are some tools to help you create the deep levels of authenticity found in power relationships.

Power Tool 1.

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And such "peer pressure" can cause REAL problems in your own personal relationships... even to the point of "breaking" them up.

Here are 5 suggestions on how not to let "peer pressure" dictate the course of your relationships.

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