"Intimate Communion" Dating, Relationships & Sex Questions.

Squirting Orgasms, Erection Problems, Can't Get An Orgasm And lots More

Hi All,

In this bumper edition I answer a very diverse set of questions, mainly to do with sex.  

And just to let you know, I do reply in person to everyone who writes to me.

So lets crack on and start with Anne's question?

Anna asks . . .

"So I meet this guy on Friday night . . . long story short, he was suave, nice and we ended up swapping  numbers and had a few texts. I text him tonight and he replied asking if I was someone else. A different female. And then tried to save himself saying he was supposed to send that to someone else. 
Yeah . . . cause when you hit reply it sends to 'another person's phone' . . . "

Anna

MY REPLY

Hi Anna,

Thank you for your message and writing to me.

OK, Anna . . . First off, your question wasn't actually a question but I'm going to use my dating and relationship experience to figure out what you want to know:

1. You want to know if it's possible he actually texted you that on accident or if he's playing some game with you.

2. You want to know if this guy is a player.

3. You want to know if you should keep texting this guy and maybe even date him or if you should move on.

So let's just dive in in numerical order.

1. Is it possible he texted you that on accident or is he playing some weird game?

Funny (and incredibly embarrassing and a little bit graphic) story:

A year ago I was in London City when I made a MAJOR texting mistake that could have blown up in my face.

And it was all Harry Potter's fault.

See, while I was in London, I met a woman (let's call her Jane) who had heard of me and wanted my advice on her writing career. 

(She also worked for one friend of mine and was dating another friend of mine, so it's somebody I'd really rather not offend.)

We swapped numbers and started texting back and forth talking about writing and business stuff.

At the same time I was texting . . . less appropriate and downright dirty material to my fabulous and sexy and wonderful woman I know

My thumbs were flying over the keys going back and forth between "you need to get into the emotional truth of what your audience wants" with Jane . . .

And "I'm imagining your beautiful (CENSORED) as you (CENSORED) and feel my (CENSORED) in your (CENSORED) . . ."with this very lovely lady (have I mentioned texting works great when you're forced to spend miles apart?"

Then I saw Harry Potter.

See, while was having these two completely separate texting conversations I walked up the stairs in the Apple store and saw a skinny, short, pasty guy in sun glasses and a hat looking at the Mac Book Air's. And I SWEAR it was the guy who played Harry Potter in the movies. So I whipped out my phone and texted Jane . . .

"Wow, I just saw the guy who played Harry Potter in the Apple store" . . .

And then I texted this lovely lady . . . well, something really, really sexy.

And then I let drool run down my chin as I lusted after shiny Apple stuff thinking everything was right in the world . . . 

A moment later my cell phone buzzed and I looked down to see a message from Jane that said something to the effect of "Huh, Harry Potter and Blow Jobs. Sounds like you're having an interesting afternoon."

After my guts stopped doing back flips at my mistake I typed her back . . ."Uh. Only one of those was meant for you. I would never talk about Harry Potter with someone I barely know."

Which is a really long way of saying "Yeah, it's totally possible he just messed up and sent you something by mistake."

(Tangentially, when I told this story to my lady friend, she spat beer through her nose. And Jane's boyfriend thought it was pretty funny too.)

Which brings us to the 2nd part of your non question:

2. Is this guy a player?

Maybe. Maybe not.

He's definitely flirting with and "picking up" other women.

But is that really a big deal?

I mean, you met him at a bar. He was suave and confident. He didn't get that way by sitting in the corner and playing Words with Friends (with his imaginary friends).

This guy is obviously "pretty good" with women and has probably put some effort into being that way.

Which means he's getting numbers and texting and going on dates and weeding through the options to find great women.

(Just like you're going to bars and going online and putting on slinky little skirts to meet great men.)

There's no commitment (either agreed upon or implied) here, so I don't think he's done anything terribly wrong (though sending you that message was dumb.) 

So is he a player?

MAYBE. There's no real evidence here to tell us either way at this point.

And finally . . .

3. Should you see him again or should you kick him to the curb?

Totally up to you.

I was talking to a friend of mine who is really good with women the other day when he said that if women want "nice" guys they're going to have to go digging for them and do all the work.

Because "Nice" guys don't talk to women at bars (they're too scared.)

"Nice" guys aren't terribly attractive to women (Confidence is sexy and "nice" guys typically have no confidence.)

I can tell you from my own experience (as a former "nice" guy myself) that most men get to a point of utter frustration at a certain point (when they realize that being "nice" doesn't get them an awesome girlfriend) where they decide to stop being "nice" and learn some tricks to attract girls.

So this guy might be a "Nice guy" who's just playing the stupid dating game we all have to play.

Or he might be a player.

But you'll never find Mr. Right if you spend all your time and energy wondering about Mr. Wrong.

I reckon my reply will give you something to "think" about Anne.

Be interesting to know how you get on.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Next is a question from Christopher but before we get into his question and my reply. 

I want to say this...

Every man should read this entire question and answer...it has the power to change your sex life and make ANY and EVERY woman want to f69k you (and want it pretty much all the time).

But it's specifically written for men in relationships who write to me saying:

"I want sex more often than she does..."

"She just doesn't seem as interested in sex as I am..."

"She's not as sexual as she used to be..."

"She's hardly ever in the mood..."

Needless to say I get emails like this a lot, so it's time to send all you guys who asks me these questions to give you an answer to solve the issue for you....... once and for all.

So if this is a big issue in your life, and you're willing to to make some changes to turn it around, then you're in the right place.

I found a good extreme case from a reader for me to use as an example. If you "get" my reply to this man, you will be able to solve this issue in your own relationship as well.

Now Christopher's Question...
 
"Dear Mr. Fonce,
I do enjoy your answers to readers questions. I have another to throw at you after reading your last answer session. I have M.S. and I feel very inadequate in the bedroom (my problem is mainly physical) and I have tried your remedies mentioned in your answer to another question you were asked. I am having problems maintaining an erection while performing these exercises you mentioned. Another problem is that she does not accept my compliments or "all day foreplay" even when this is done during times when there is no possible way we could have a "sexual" encounter. We have been married for 10 years and I am only looking for satisfaction on the weekend and I give "all week foreplay." I would feel good about her just placing her hand on mine or on my knee. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
One of your greatest fans,"

Christopher.

MY REPLY....

Dear Christopher,

Thank you for writing to me.

I am going to be straight up with you here - your problem does have a solution, but it is not going to be EASY.

Many, many men face the identical challenge. 

Their wife begins to lose interest in sex, she withdraws romantically, she just wants you to get with the program and be a good partner in the business of running your lives...

Most men just blame HER.

They say things like: She's less interested in sex, so it must be that her libido is lower than mine, or she has lost interest because of stress or whatever.

It's funny how we never want to see the possibility that it might actually be our fault.

This is a big challenge for any man...

And the MS is going to make it even more of a challenge, NOT because of the way it affects your strength and your physical ability to have sex, but because of the way it is affecting your relationship to your SELF and your CONFIDENCE.

On the physical side, you can get prescriptions from your doctor that will work very well to solve the erection problem easily enough (or you could do the exercises, which will probably also help you substantially).

But let's be real - The hard part is the emotional issues of your wife pulling back from physical intimacy with you.

Here's the very centre of the issue between you and your wife:

PEOPLE TREAT YOU EXACTLY THE WAY YOU TRAIN THEM TO TREAT YOU

Women are massively turned on by "masculine strength."

And since you have challenges with physical strength, that means you must rely on the strong masculine qualities of your PERSONALITY...

That means things like courage, aggression when necessary, never accepting second class treatment from anyone, being CALM AS ICE in emotionally stressful situations, being a rock when she is weak or cranky or tearful... yet showing deep passion when appropriate...

And most powerfully of all: The willingness to be vulnerable and open about what is true for you. (In other words, the courage to authentically be yourself in all situations)

Unfortunately, because of your illness, you say you "feel very inadequate in the bedroom".

And what you need to know is...

It's THAT FEELING of inadequacy itself that is keeping your wife from being turned on and wanting sex.

Let me say that again - The problem is NOT your physical inadequacy, it is the FEELINGS you have about your physical condition that is creating the problems.

Here is the proof:

I have a friend whose genetic disorder prevented him from growing any taller than 3 feet, and has put him in a wheelchair for life... but he behaves and thinks that he is a sexy bad-ass, and I see the affect that he has on women...

In fact, that is the exact adjective that I have heard many women use to describe him: "sexy."

He recently got engaged to a gorgeous, smart, and sassy woman who adores him, and while I wouldn't want to repeat any confidential conversations,

I'm pretty sure most able bodied men would be pretty jealous of his sex life.

Bottom line:

Confidence is sexy. Period. And a lack of it is a big problem.

Here's what you MUST understand...

When you say that "I am only looking for satisfaction on the weekend" and "I would feel good about her just placing her hand on mine..."

THAT is exactly what is CAUSING the problem!

You have TRAINED her to think of you as a second class citizen in your relationship... and you tacitly agree with her about that. You have conditioned her to think of you, not as her lover, but as a man who is looking for her occasional sympathy.

Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life.

That's because it's true.

It sounds like you feel that she should give you this small amount of attention because she should be "nice" to you - but you don't want to trouble her for more.

Maybe that's because you feel like you are already asking much of her in living with a man who has M.S. Obviously neither of you saw that one coming... and let's be real here... I have no idea how hard that must be, or how I would handle it if I were in your situation.

I don't want to sound harsh...

I'm not putting you down here. You are in a situation that few men would be feeling heroic about. It sucks. And I have no idea how I myself would handle it.

So it seems to me there are a lot of complex issues in your life and your relationship, and I'm not going to try to answer all of them.

But consider for a moment that if you can train your wife to treat you like a second class citizen in your relationship, then it follows that there must also be some possible way in which you could have trained her to think of you as her heroic and sexy love-god.

So while I can't talk intelligently about all of your challenges with MS, I CAN tell you how to get more sex in your relationship...Limiting myself to only the question of "how to improve your sex life," then the answer is: You've got to reclaim your masculine power in the relationship.

Ideally a woman wants a man who DEMANDS sex all of the time, not the weekends. She wants a man who says with gentle command, "take off your clothing and dance sexy for me while I sip my drink and watch."

A man who knows how to take control...

Because that's what makes HER feel sexy.

A lot of guys have been confused by my concept of "All Day Foreplay," thinking that it meant you should give her a lot of compliments.

That is not the case. I used the example of giving compliments to a woman who specifically has issues with her body image (which is very, very common). 

But the object is not to give compliments, but to do whatever it takes, throughout the day, to make her feel sexual.

If your wife is attractive and she knows it and men compliment her all the time, then that is not going to work at all. Compliments may have the opposite effect for a woman like that.

The idea behind All Day Foreplay is to train her to feel sexy when she is around you by doing the things that make her feel sexy.

Sometimes that's giving her compliments...

But it could be telling her that you love her, it could be tickling her, it could be spanking her whenever she walks by, it could be whispering romantic things in her ear, it could be pulling her hair back and biting her neck, it could be saying really dirty, raunchy things to her...

Whatever her blueprint is to keep her on a nice slow simmer so that by the time you get to the bedroom she can't wait for you to rip her clothes off.

Here is the very, very difficult challenge in front of you...

Now that you have trained her into this idea that you are not a powerful, masculine presence in her life - it is going to be very hard to get her to change her mind.

People are VERY resistant to change... and they can be especially resistant to a change in the people that they love.

The crazy, messed up paradox of this is that she is NOT going to want you to change... even if that change is for the BETTER... even if that change is going to give her a better relationship, better sex, a sexier and more confident lover in her bed, and a much more fulfilling life.

She has made her decision. Staying consistent to that decision is a powerful force of human nature. If you start acting in powerful, masculine, and demanding ways, she is probably going to react with anger and frustration, and possibly fear.

So... Can it be done?

Yes. It can. But it's going to take time, persistence, patience, courage... and a big bucket of balls and masculine strength to do it.

If you can understand what I say in the next paragraph, it has the power to lift your life to GREAT heights:

Perhaps the M.S. is the gift that will allow you to rise up above ordinary men and fully demonstrate your heroic strength of mind and become a powerful role model for others.

I have seen others turn set-backs, tragedies, and insurmountable-looking challenges into the fuel that launched them into greatness. In fact, it's hard to find many great men in history who did not fit that pattern.

I said above that being vulnerable in your authentic truth was one of the most powerful indicators of pure masculinity to women...For you this might a conversation that begins with,

"I have allowed my fear of my disease to make me feel weak and less than masculine in our relationship. I know that this was entirely my own doing and that it made me sexually repulsive to you. Whether or not your sexual desire returns to me and to this relationship, I am committed to living a life of courage and passion and deep service to our love, regardless of my physical condition..."

Make that your truth... and then start living your truth.

Don't LET her have sex from you until she is prepared to come to you as a surrendered woman to her lover.

Don't accept second class treatment... not by pouting or showing anger, but by calmly and lovingly denying her power over you.

If you can follow this path, trusting yourself and knowing that your life is yours alone to choose, then she will soon be begging you to make love to her.

I wish you the best my friend. I have confidence in you and that you can do it if you choose to.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce 

Footnote

This is, I know, some very advanced material that some men may find difficult to apply in their lives.

But at the minimum, if you are reading this and in a similar relationship, at least commit yourself to making a new beginning, to making a pact with yourself to take the steps to reclaim your masculinity in your life through vulnerable, authentic truth.

If you can do that, it will 100% fulfill on my words I said earlier ...your woman will want to f69k you pretty much all the time.

QUESTION from Tom...

"I've been having problems getting an erection when i'm around my girlfriend. I've recently just started dating her, and whenever we begin to fool around, I can't get an erection.

My self-diagnosis is that its sexual anxiety, that I am worried that I wont be able to get an erection, thus making me not get one. This isn't the first time, for the past year this has been the case whenever i'm with a girl. It can't be a physical reason because in the mornings i always have an erection.

Do you have any special advice that would help me stop being so anxious?"

Tom....UK

MY REPLY

Hi Tom,

Thank you for writing to me and your message.

I would try talking to your current girlfriend about it. Just be cool and have a sense of humour about it.  

Don't make it a big deal like having to tell her that you have HIV... just say.... 

"look, I know it's a little weird, but I seem to grappling with some sexual anxiety here.  Frankly it's a bit confusing to me, and I'd appreciate it if you'd help me work through it".

Then coach her on the process, figuring out what you need from her as you go.  

AND MAKE SURE SHE HAS FUN IN THE PROCESS.

Now I am going to share with you a personal story Tom.

Going back some years I was dating a smokingly hot blond. And there was big chemistry between us. 

We've been dating for a couple of months. Had been out for the night and we ended up back to my place. We both knew we wanted each other badly, and the energy between us was achingly hot. Well we ended up in my bed and things between us where really getting sizzling and she was very turned on. However I was starting to feel really worried....."Mr Cock" was in a "coma" and she noticed and asked me if anything was wrong?

Keeping a straight face....I looked her in the eye, then looked down at my self, flicked my privates a bit. Looked back at her......And said "It seems I have brought a piece of string with me instead of a pool cue, I wont be pocketing any balls in your hole with that?"

With that she bust out laughing.....And that broke the tension for me.....And I relaxed. We can all suffer "performance anxiety" Tom. Happens to the best of us.

Well after 10 minutes of laughter, smiles, kissing, cuddling and caressing. Mr Cock woke up with a vengeance and a very "passionate" night was enjoyed by both of us.

Now Tom, take the pressure of yourself, explain, calmly and with masculine strength (hold eye contact, don't look down like you're ashamed, relax your body so you're not speaking with a constricted throat), that you are very attracted to her and that you are very turned on and enjoying being sexual with her even if you are not getting an erection.  

She's going to have some insecurities and self-doubt about it, even if she says she doesn't.

Tell her with confidence that you are going to give her a good time with or without an erection, and tell her that you are also enjoying every second of it with or without an erection.  

Tell the truth when you tell her that.  

And then make it true when you do it.

Nothing works better than the truth when it comes to putting your partner at ease.

Then set aside a couple of hours and go have some great sex play without being concerned with whether or not you have an erection.  

Chances are, at some point, if you focus only on the pleasure you are both having, your erection will show up and then you can enjoy that part too.  

Don't try to force it to happen and don't be disappointed if it doesn't.  

It will, all by itself.  And the "problem" will sort itself out quickly after that and most likely will not return with your next girlfriend.

Use this opportunity while you don't have an erection to worry about to cultivate other sexual skills like tuning into her body, building sexual trust, and learning how to patiently and lovingly please a woman on your own terms.

Here is a couple of articles I suggest you have a read off.



Let me know how you get on Tom.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

QUESTION from Elsa

"Ange I've been dating the same guy for 3 1/2 years he complains all his friends get treated better than he
does...

I'm not talking sexually because we have a awesome sexual relationship!:)

I'm talking the other things a man likes or makes him feel loved.  Could you PLEEEASE elaborate on what these things are?  I'm swear I'm completely lost on what he's wanting from me and he won't tell me I'm supposed to "know"

MY REPLY....

Hi Elsa,

Thank you for writing to me and your message.

Pick up "The 5 Languages Of Love" by Gary Chapman. It is the best book written on this subject.

Different people like to receive love differently.  

You might think you are giving him all the love in the world by touching him, giving him gifts, spending time with him...

But what he really needs is to hear the words: "I love you, you're special to me, I love spending time with you, I think you're great."

Or, you maybe you already tell him how much you love him all the time...but what he really needs to feel loved is more touching, or quality time, etc.

Once you determine his love language (hint: it's probably the way he tries to give love to you), it's easy to make him feel like he's got the best girlfriend in the world.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

QUESTION from Jake

"My wife used to masturbate regularly. And still she needs to do it as we only get once a week to be close to each other, for some unavoidable reasons.

The problem is: she is yet to orgasm. No matter how long I stay - 10 minutes or 20 minutes. She says she doesn't understand whether she orgasms during intercourse. She also says she doesn't get as much pleasure during intercourse as she gets during masturbation.

I have understood that She really doesn't cum during intercourse. This thing worries us much. She feels much tension for this, me as well. I have tried to convince her that things will be okay once we start living together and have intercourse regularly and frequently.

But I don't know if i was really convincing.

Can you help me?"

Jake....USA

MY REPLY

Hi Jake,

Thank you for writing to me and your message.

First of all it is very COMMON that women get more PHYSICAL pleasure from masturbation than they do from intercourse.

There's much more to making love than just how quickly or how powerfully she has an orgasm.

That said, in the end, with some patience and good intention, the physical pleasure from making love can be grown until it BLOWS AWAY any experience she could have on her own.

The first thing to do is make sure that she feels comfortable, confident, and good about herself... that she does not feel like there is anything "wrong" with how she experiences sexual pleasure.

The second thing is to make sure that she knows that YOU are comfortable, confident, and good about her experiences...that she knows that YOU don't think there is anything "wrong" with how she experiences sexual pleasure.

Your calm, easy, and loving manner around the situation will allow her to relax into having a deeper experience with you. This may take some time.  She may not trust immediately that you are not just saying it to make her feel better. You must remain positive in your words and actions, show her that you are playful and happy, and full of attraction for her and that this issue is not important as long as you are both happy.

Then, when she is fully trusting that you are not judging her or disappointed in her, or feeling like there is anything 
"wrong," you can ask her to share her masturbation with you. Allow you to watch and enjoy it cradle her body in your arms while she does it, stroke her hair or kiss her as she does it, etc... making it a shared experience...  

And then, afterwards to participate in the experience, guided by her in touching her and working the magic together as a team.

Soon you will be enjoying love making as an act of loving playfulness.  When there is no more pressure for her to have orgasm during intercourse and she is able to open to the pleasure of how much you enjoy touching her... then she will very likely begin to have deep, powerful orgasms from intercourse.

If someone held a gun to your head and said, if you cannot get an erection, then you will die... well, my friend, if you are like most men, you are going to die.  Because men can't get erections while under pressure.

Same for her orgasm.

When she is completely free of any doubt or anxiety, it will be much easier.

Have a read of this article Jake to give you some ideas.


Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And the final question is from.....Fanny (Smiles)

"I am a 28 year old and feel funny about having sex with my husband... I used to be intense and not enjoy sex...
Well, I have been taking your advice... and I enjoy it so much that I squirt everytime now and more and more each time...am I enjoying it too much or just go with it?... why do I feel embarrassed when I squirt and how can overcome that??
Thanks a lot for your advice and articles I love them."

Fanny....UK

MY REPLY

Hi Fanny,

Thank you for your question and your message.

Well, you have a very high quality problem there!  

And you also have a great opportunity for some beautiful personal growth that will make you happier in EVERY area of your life.

Every human experiences shame and embarrassment in some areas of their life - it's just the way we are wired, and it is really one of the worst feelings you can have.  

But it is ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

The life blood of shame is secrecy.  If you declare the things you are ashamed of, you discover that nobody else really judges you about it (trust me on this), and the shame vanishes.

I trust that if you come clean with your husband and tell him that you are feeling some awkwardness and embarrassment about how much you've been enjoying sex with him lately...

I'm pretty sure he will scoop you up, give you a lot of kisses, and tell you that are you being silly and that HE LOVES IT.

That experience of speaking what you are ashamed of and then getting love in return is priceless.  In my experience with a huge number of clients, it happens this way almost every time.

Then tell some of your close girlfriends about it too. Tell them that you are experiencing all of this amazing sexual pleasure and that you feel a bit awkward and embarrassed by it (make sure you also tell them where you got the information, LOL!) and just notice their reaction!

I think you'll see that once you've spoken it, the shame disappears and you can go back to being proud and powerful in your amazing, beautiful sexuality.

Final note:  Rolled up towels in the drawer closest to the bed.  Clean, fluffy, high quality, soft towels.  

Lots of them!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce


Thank you for all your GREAT QUESTIONS!

And that wraps up this issue of "Intimate Communion" Dating, Relationships & Sex Questions. I'll be answering more of your questions soon.

To know more about Gender Education For Human Relationships...CLICK HERE.

And as ever...Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. Average men and women know only the rules. Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce

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