"Intimate Communion" Dating, Relationships & Sex Questions. 
How Sometimes Love Isn't Enough & How To Blow Her Mind In Bed! 

In this edition of "Intimate Communion" Dating, Relationships & Sex Questions. I answer two questions. The first one is from Melanie and it's one I think many of you can relate to.

Question 1: Melanie asks me . . .

"Ange, I really need your help.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I love him SO much and when things are good they're amazing but . . . They're just not good that often. I love him. He loves me. I have no doubt of that at all, but we fight ALL the time.

And it's been that way the entire time we've been together. Before we got engaged we broke up and got back togetherat least 3 times . . . I almost called off the wedding twice. We had blow up after blow up in front of our friends . . . Now it's like we're playing love roulette every time one of us comes home. Either we'll fall into each other's arms like giddy teenagers or we'll go for each other's throats . . . So what do I do, Ange?

I LOVE this man SO much but I'm so sick of being ANGRY and SAD all the time."



Hi Melanie,

Thank you for your message and writing to me.

OK, this is the hard part of my job because I'm going to tell you something you don't  want to hear (and that isn't all that "romantic"). And that something is "Sometimes love isn't enough."

Yes, I know; we all want the storybook romance where love conquers . . . But we don't live in a storybook.

We live in the real world where you need to be able to live with somebody as well as be in love with them. The fact is that while relationships are always going to be work . . .They're not supposed to be THAT much work.

Honestly, I've been in a similar situation myself. Many years ago. I was desperately in love with a woman. We were together for over three years and in a lot of ways we were great . . .But we had one major incompatibility that made me miserable, killed my self esteem and had me chewing my lip in frustration day after day.

So, what do you and your boyfriend do?

Well, you've got options:

Option 1: If you haven't tried it already, is to go to a good couples counsellor in your area and talk things out. It doesn't sound like you're blaming your boyfriend for all the problems in your relationship (which is really good) and it's possible you can work through your issues  together.

Warning, though, after working with you for a while a good relationship counsellor might tell you to go to option 2.

Option 2: Honour the love you have for each other by ending your relationship.

Like I said, sometimes love isn't enough. And just because you love somebody, doesn't mean you should be with them and they are relationship material. If you're not happy and he's not happy; if it's been that way since day one, which it sounds like it has; and if it doesn't seem like you're GOING to be happy together . . . It's time you faced up to some hard truths Melanie.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

QUESTION 2: Is from Mark who asks me......
"Hi Ange,
I always enjoyed and profited from your articles and I have become a much more confident and accomplished lover with the women I date and have slept with, based on my observation and their feedback.
Here's an interesting question raised a couple of nights ago with a woman I met online, then met at happy hour for a drink (which stretched to 5 hrs.), and had over for dinner the next night. We slept together after dinner (both nude) but had no sex based on her request, which was fine with me.  We talked about every sexual subject under the sun and were having fun just getting to know each other. It was a natural and pleasurable process.
I was telling her about my perceptions of female sexuality and the 4 genital erogenous zones that turn most women on to a greater or lesser degree (C, U, G, and A spots). Although this is an attractive older woman who has been married twice and has been around the block (former Miss), she told me that she can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation and didn't even seem to be aware of her U or G spots, let alone her anterior and posterior deep spots. But the kicker is her claim that all of the internal stimulation techniques are essentially irrelevant because her vaginal canal is only so big and that a normal sized penis doing its normal work inside her virgina will hit all the spots and produce the required results. She also claims that she is normally capable of only one orgasm during a love making session.
Since we plan to see each other again soon and will almost certainly have sex, I was wondering what your thoughts are about her claim of automatic stimulation of all erogenous zones in her vaginal canal. My method is normally to start with clitoral, then U spot stimulation, then to add the G spot, all orally or digitally treated, and sometimes the deep spot if I can reach that far (I have normal sized fingers and can reach the cervix on some women but not on others). Normally a woman has climaxed one or more times by the time I penetrate her and then we go for the gold. I normally hold off climaxing until I sense that she has vaginally climaxed or is in the process of doing so, so that we can "come together."
Do you agree with her contention that penile penetration will do the trick alone since it will hit all her spots if done correctly, thus eliminating the need for internal digital stimulation of her G and A spots? I am very aware of the trust and emotional connection feelings that come into play and enhance the experience for her as well as me. But my inclination is to still manually stimulate her internally before penetrating her.

Thanks Ange."



Hi Mark,

Thanks for you for writing to me and your detailed e mail.

First off.

No, I don't agree with her about the penis contacting all of her internal spots. But then she has only one woman's experience to draw from (her own), whereas you and I have been with many other women...

In other words, we don't "think" there is a difference between penile penetration and direct pressure with a finger, we "KNOW" there is a difference.

You don't really need me to tell you that. You already knew.

The g spot is not stimulated by the shaft gently gliding by it, because it is a series of glands in her body ABOVE the vaginal canal. You have depress your finger into that area, in some women even wrapping around the pubic bone to get good results.

The A spot on the other hand, with a bit of adjusting of position, is sometimes easier to get at with your penis than your finger because most of the time it is likely that you can get deeper. Of course there are positions you can get into to "aim" for any of these spots. If I were you, I would not debate with her about her vagina. In many ways you are killing the possibility of great sex just by putting this spin on things.

You're a man who obviously knows what he's doing. You've got some experience, you know where stuff is. Here's your next step for taking your sexual abilities to the next level: Just patiently enjoy her, and let her know that the things you do, you do for YOUR enjoyment. Do NOT create an expectation of, "this should give you an orgasm now, it works on other women."

If you "know what works" on other women, then by default you are breaking my first rule of excellence in the bedroom: You are not paying attention and being present with the woman that you are with.

You are letting "what you know" get in the way of "what you feel".

Plus, it is a sure way to put the kind of pressure on her that will prevent her from deep surrender.

It is like a woman who licks your ear and says, "this will make you rock hard instantly, and at least an inch longer than usual" because it worked on some previous lover... Obviously there is a chance that this image of her previous lover (who was an inch longer and got rock hard!) will make you feel like you MUST perform... and suddenly you can't get hard at all...

It doesn't feel good to have someone push expectations on you... especially when it comes to the bedroom.

This is the way it goes with the human brain.

Trust yourself, improvise, change things up. You are with a woman who says your finger techniques won't work on her... don't force it. Pay attention to what IS working, synchronize your breathing with her, build profound and present connection with her... and then, when you have her current wiring completely dialled in... when you really understand her body and communicate with HER body...

Only THEN should you gently lead her towards the other fun things that you want her to experience...and guide her there as a matter of your own pleasure... let her know, verbally or with your body or with animal sounds that, "I want to do this to you now because it really turns ME on to feel you here".

When you put it in that context, it is not goal oriented. There is nothing for her to "fail" at. She can just enjoy you and the process of making love regardless of any "outcome". The main thing for you is to challenge yourself to stop the pattern of, "first I do this, then I do this, then when she does that I do this other thing, then this, and then that."

In the stages to becoming a great lover, we all begin by being clueless, anxiety ridden, insecure, and grateful to just be in bed with a flesh and blood woman... And at some point there is a stage when you know where all of her parts are, you have good command over your own body, and you feel confident or even arrogant that you know how to give a woman an orgasm. And apparently you can have conversations with a naked woman in your bed about the various ways you can sexually pleasure her.

Maybe she will be impressed by that. Maybe she will feel cheated that you chose clinical skill over romance. Maybe she will just argue with you. But there is a NEXT LEVEL. There is a place you will arrive when you totally trust yourself to drop all of the techniques and make love to her from your deepest surrender and complete presence.

You will discover that trust and connection do not "enhance the experience for her" as you suggested, as if "trust and connection" was just a another tool in the old orgasm toolbox... In fact, it works the other way around. The connection is EVERYTHING... and the dozens of "techniques" and the alphabet soup of orgasm spots in her vagina that you learned along the way are just little things to enhance a much larger experience.

Some pretty advanced stuff I am dropping on you here... but you are already at an advanced level. You are already "good in bed" and I'm sure your partners tell you so. This is what your path forward looks like. This is how to leave her speechless, worn out, completely fulfilled in every way.

Stop hiding behind techniques.

For passion.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And practically speaking, that completes my conversation.
And remember....always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. Average men and women know only the rules. Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love, Passion and Intimacy.......

Catch you later

Ange Fonce

What are Your thoughts and ideas?

 "Use the Comments box below and "Have Your Say" (even if you disagree with me).  I really appreciate it when people reply with thoughtful comments. Honestly, it makes my day. Either way I will be glad to hear from you." ~ AF



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The Amazing A-Spot For Giving Your Woman Intense Orgasms. Do You Know it?

The Scream-Inducing "Hot Button" On A Woman. Do You Know it?

Powerful Massage Method For Mega Orgasms For Women ("The Welcoming "G" SPOT " A Variation On The Welcome Method) 

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