"Intimate Communion" Dating, Relationships & Sex Questions.

"Squirtting When Having An Orgasm is Not PEE!" - "What his "performance" says about you and "Erectile Dysfunction!" - "He lives with his EX Wife?" - "Premature Ejaculation....Help!"

Hi and a warm welcome this edition of "Intimate Communion" Dating, Relationships & Sex Questions.

It's a BIG one!

I will start with this great question from a woman about orgasm, female ejaculation, and just letting go.

Sarah Asks....

"Dear Ange,
I love your articles! Always very interesting.
One thing I'm very frustrated about reading/hearing about though (not just from you, everybody).
If I feel like I'm going to pee just b4 orgasm, everyone says "don't worry, you won't pee". I hate to tell you but that's not always true. whether I'm having sex with a man or a woman (penetration or oral) I have to go to pee 2-3 times b4 I orgasm. Yes, imagine it...you're penetrating your woman, having a great time and then she says "can u hold on a minute honey cause I have to pee!
Honestly, I fucking dread it!
Turns out, one of my close friends has the same problem.
So I'll never get to actually LET GO cause I usually do pee! 
Any advice for this strange dilemma, cause I feel like a freak."



Dear Sarah,

Thank you  for your message and writing to me.

You bring up a lot of questions and issues in this email and I'm going to talk about a lot of them...

First of all... those people who say "don't worry, you won't pee," are indeed MIS-INFORMED!

Yep, a woman is fully capable of peeing while having an orgasm. The myth that they can't is from the perfectly true fact that MEN CANNOT pee when coming.

But there is nothing physiological in women that prevents it from happening.

However, letting go is still not such terrible advice. (More on THAT below).

Second... I don't need to "imagine" making love to a woman and having her need to get up to pee, because I can simply remember the many, many times it's happened.

It is extremely common because of a group of glands called the intra-urethral glands that drip fluid nto the urethra during heightened arousal.

Typically women will clench their urethral opening (pee hole) and fluid will gather in the urethra causing it to either balloon (giving you powerful urgency to pee), or it will flow backwards up into the bladder...which will also, eventually, make you want to pee.

Either way, the fluid that comes out when you go pee is not pee... or at least only a small percentage of it is.

Think about this scientifically for a moment... if you are getting up over and over again to pee during sex... unless you're talking about needing an hour of penetration to reach orgasm (and I'm pretty darn sure that's not the case!), or you're drinking a gallon of water right before sex, then you must recognize that you kidneys could not possibly work that fast to refill your bladder.

You can test this by simply not having any water for two hours prior to intercourse, and then emptying you bladder right before you hop into bed.

I think you'll find you have the same urgency, just as quickly... reason being... it's NOT pee.

Third... Your whole sex life would change on a dime, and you would be enjoying so much more relaxed and pleasurable intimacy, if you just took the following advice very, very seriously:

Take some time to make a deep inquiry into these statements you made above, "I fucking dread it!" and "I feel like a freak."

Journal about it.

Ask yourself why.

Ask yourself if it serves you.

Ask yourself if it serves your partner.

Ask yourself what it says about you that you feel this way.

And most importantly, ask yourself who you would be if you didn't dread it, if you didn't feel like a freak... if it was just... perfectly... okay.

The fact is, sometimes women get up to pee during sex. You could agonize about it, or you could laugh about it and realize that all it does is prolong

the intimacy. Taking breaks is nice. It's only your mental frame on it that makes it into some freakish dread thing.

So, yeah, "just let go, baby."

Let go of the dread.

Let go of the feeling like a freak.

Let go of the idea that there is ANYTHING wrong.

Let go of the idea that there is a RIGHT way out there... because there really isn't!

Let go of wondering what he thinks about it (because he will think whatever you tell him to think... and right now you are telling him with all of your anxiety that there is something wrong).

Let go of being angry with your body.

And then...

Make space for some humor, self-compassion, self-acceptance, and the idea that two people making love is much bigger than whether or not you get up to pee.

And Finally...

Let's talk about REALLY "letting go."

What is really going to happen?

Well... I'll give you a hint:

You're going to want to put down some towels.

If you have recently emptied your bladder and then as you become aroused you feel a strong desire to pee... what would happen if you didn't get up and stop the action?

What if you let that arousal keep building?

What if you kept coming closer to orgasm and the intensity of needing to pee kept getting stronger?

What if you let yourself go in that moment and let the arousal keep building as you let whatever happens happen?

Well... you would, indeed, have a lot of fluid exit your urethra.

Yep... you and partner are going to get wet.

And you would also have the orgasm of your life!

And if you bothered to actually smell the fluid that came out, I think you'd notice quite immediately...

That stuff ain't pee.

There's no ammonia smell to it. It's clear.

It's intra-urethra fluid, and you just experienced female ejaculation.

Congratulations... You're not a freak, you're gifted.

You might want to try this first alone to convince yourself that I'm telling the truth.

Then warn your partner in advance.

Put down some towels and prepare to THRILL your man with your abilities.

Women pay me money to learn how to do that.

You have it naturally to SQUIRT!

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

This next question I am asked comes from Robin about the problems of Erectile Dysfunction. This is a common question I get asked a lot about in my e mails from men. It's one of those things that can happen to any guy at any time........Yup even me!

Usually when I ask those guys who write to me if I could use their question they say no. It's understandable as no man wants it known he is having problems"keeping it up!"

Male ego and all that. 

However Robin, a woman (Guys take note!) agreed to let me use her question and my reply, and I give her a "BIG" thank you.

So on with the question........

Robin Asks:

"Ange, can you share some insight on the psychological aspect of men experiencing ED? My boyfriend is having problems with his erections and it is getting him down.
And I am worried it has something to with me. And it is effecting our relationship.
I read one of your articles some time back about how depression and stress can affect your sex life. Can you give me some insight?"



Dear Robin,

Thank you for contacting me and your e mail.

First. Just to go on record before we dive in: There are very good medical reasons a guy could be having trouble "performing," especially as he gets older. If a guy is having "consistent" trouble both when he's with a partner and when he's alone he should consult a doctor to see what's going on.

Not to alarm you but I do recommend you ask you husband to go see your Doctor and get a medical check up as soon as possible!

But now that I have  said that . . .Lets deal with your question.

The Psychological Reasons

Penises have a mind of their own and guys have no control over when they do (or they don't) get an erection (as much as we'd like to - thank science for Viagra.)

I don't mind talking about it, but I can personally think of several occasions in the past  where I've been insanely turned on. Where I've wanted to pounce on a woman, take her and ravage her. . . where my whole being DESIRED a woman with an overwhelming, crushing WANT . . .

And frump....Nothing!

My penis has hung there like a dead worm on the end of a hook. It was as much use as trying to play pool with a piece of string!

And it totally, utterly sucked.

For a guy not being able to "perform" with a woman isn't just embarrassing, it's devastating to his ego and self esteem.

So let's quickly cover some of the psychological reasons a guy may not be able to "get it up" . . .

And then we'll talk about the "proper" way handle it without jumping to conclusions about how he feels about you.

5 Simple Reasons For Temporary Erectile Dysfunction 

1. He's Nervous. 

Number one hard on killer in the world . . . 

"Ok, ok. I need to impress this girl. Don't mess this up. If you rock her world she'll be yours forever. If you don't she'll giggle at you behind your back and all of her friends will know you as 'the noodle.' Just . . . oh no. Oh, come on!!"

2. He's Not In The Mood. 

Guys are humans. Sometimes we'd rather watch football. It's a myth that men can get an erection just at the sight of a naked woman. We like to get in the mood too Robin. And it's nice to be "Seduced" by a woman!

3. Depression.

It's hard to celebrate life with a woman when all you want to do is crawl under the covers and retreat from life. This is a serious one Robin and I do recommend a visit to the doctor and a frank discussion to see if he needs to undertake any "Therapy!"

4. Stress. 

"Oh, god. How am I going to pay the mortgage? The car is being repossessed tomorrow. My boss hates me. My children don't respect me. I think my wife is cheating on me . . .Wait. She's looking at me. She's reaching for my pants. She's doing that thing she does with her tongue. Maybe if I use the Visa to pay off the MasterCard I can . . . OK, think of something sexy. Anything sexy. Oh no. Oh no!!"

Stress and worry is a huge erection killer Robin....Simply because your mind is just not in the right place. Can you see where I am going here.....Mental stuff...In the Mind!

5. Fear of Rejection

"Why is she looking at me like that? Does she want to have sex? Maybe she wants to have sex. But wait a minute, I thought she wanted to have sex last week and it turned out she just  wanted a back rub. Why are women so complicated!!!"

What is his self-esteem like, it can be a downward spiral Robin. Your worried, he gets even more worried and you worry even more.........Pressure, pressure, pressure..........No erection!

And here's a bonus . . .

6. He doesn't feel respected by the woman he's with.

it's really hard for a guy to "feel like a man" if he's consistently feels he is like a boy. Now you say you are "worried" Robin. But what is your attitude and behaviour about "his" problem?

Now, if you look at these 6 reasons you'll notice two that aren't included:

"He's not attracted to me."


"He doesn't love me."

Is it POSSIBLE those are the reasons?


But in my experience they're pretty far down the list. 

Men don't need to be in love with a woman to want to sleep with her (being in love with a woman can actually make it HARDER to sleep with her.)

And most guys don't need to be THAT attracted to a girl to want to take her to bed.

So it's PROBABLY not about you (unless you have a really, really horrible relationship.)

So how do you HANDLE it if there's no "air in the hose?"

With gentleness, understanding and humor.

The WORST thing you can do if a guy can't perform is make it a big deal or make it about YOU and how he feels about you. 

Treat it like it's "not a big deal." Kiss him. Give him a massage. Make him feel safe and wanted and sexy. 

Once the pressure's off, you might be surprised what "arises." Smiles

Before I finish up this e mail to you Robin I am going to share a story from My  own life. This is going back a few years now.

I met this very hot and attractive blond and there was most certainly "Chemistry" between us. And there was no doubt in my mind I was going to "Seduce" her.

Well I did and we ended up in bed together. 

It got hot...Steamy....Passionate!

But I could not get an erection and she noticed and asked me what was wrong. I looked at her, and looked down at my limp cock and smiled. Remember what I said above "It's as much use as trying to play pool with a piece of string"....

That's exactly what I said to her.

And she burst out laughing and so did I...It took the pressure of and I relaxed. 

Needless to say that after about twenty minutes of gentle kissing and caressing and giving her orgasms. I was fully erect and we enjoyed a Great afternoon together.

The problem was I had put to much "pressure" on my self. 

The humour broke the stress.

Stop worrying Robin, it will take the stress and worry of him knowing you are cool and relaxed.

If you or your partner would like My help. 

Then please feel free to contact me.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Jeans question question is a one I am being asked a lot of these days and her situation is one I come across often in my work.

Jean asks . . .

"Ange, I have been reading lots these past 3 weeks your posts and a lot of what you have said about Dynamic dating has got me thinking. and I have been using the methods you have talked about.
Three weeks ago and I started using some of the things you suggested with a guy I met in late January. It worked like a charm, but I realized that there was some part of his life he was keeping hidden. We had 'the talk' last week and he let me know he lives with his children's mother (he has two kids: 12 months old and a 4 year old), but the relationship has been rocky for 5 years and she's cheated on him twice.

Fast forward to us meeting and even after he told me about his situation, I still like him.

Question: How should I handle this situation?
He's confessed that he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and he's really into me. He's a really good guy and I'd like to see how it goes. Of course I'll keep my options open.

Keep sharing those great posts.
Lots of love, Jean"



Dear Jean,

Thank you for your message and writing to me.

OK, my  reaction to this is that you shouldn't date this guy, that he's probably still not being 100% straight with you and that even if he IS telling you the whole and honest truth you should run for the hills.


Because this is just WAY too complicated and the odds are when all is said and done you're going to end up hurt.

Let's look at the options of what's going on here:

Option 1: He's lying to you, has no intention of getting out of his marriage and is just looking for some action on the side.

His story just feels "not right" to me. If he and his wife have been having issues for 5 years, why did they have two kids in that time? (including one just a year ago.)

I can tell you as a guy if I was miserable in a relationship I'd look for ways to have FEWER ties to a woman, not more. And nothing ties you to somebody like having a baby with them.

Plus the story about his wife cheating on him twice just reads like sympathy seeking to me. (Wait! Maybe the children aren't his!! Now THAT would be a soap opera!)

Am I saying this guy DEFINITELY is a lying  who's playing you like a violin just to feed his ego and to get into your pants?


But you know what? 

Even if he's NOT lying to you, he's still got "bad news" written all over his forehead. Which leads us to . . .

Option 2: He's Telling You The Truth . . . You would still be well advised not to get involved.

Let me just say this as bluntly as possible:


And even if he's not "married" he's still been with this woman for a long time, has kids with her and lives with her. Same difference.

Listen: History is littered with the broken hearts of women who "waited around" for a married man to leave their wives and watched their lives go by from the sidelines.

This guy's situation is just way too complicated for any self respecting woman to get involved with and even if you do create something with him you're always going to be the rebound girl.

So here's what I recommend you do:

1. Shoot him a text or an email saying "Fun meeting you the other day. I don't date married men, but if you ever get completely free, give me a call."

2. Stop talking to him.

3. You already proved that "Dynamic Dating" works . . .now go use it to catch a guy who's actually available and datable.

Sorry if this wasn't the message you wanted to get from me, but I'm trying to help you avoid a LOT of heart ache.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

And finally for this issue is a very common question I get asked a lot by a lot of men. 

Barlington asks...

"I'm 26yrs my manhood is smaller than normal, not strong enough to go more than 1 round and i ejaculat under 2minutes. Please help me."



Hi Barlington,

Thank you for contacting m amd you message

Now you are asking for information to do with premature ejaculation and how to control you physical ejaculation with Kegal exercises for Men.

This is one of the most common sexual problems in men. It's particularly common in younger men when sexual activity is relatively new, and for any man who's with a new sexual partner, since under these circumstances the level of sexual excitement is very high.

When premature ejaculation becomes a problem, men suffer with performance anxiety. They worry about ejaculating prematurely, it happens, and they find themselves in a downward spiral.

While it is very common as it affects more than half of the male population according to statistics, premature ejaculation is not as serious as you think it is. There are absolutely natural ways to prolong ejaculation.

First of all..........

A very simple technique is to "calm down" and not get so excited. Spend more time on "Foreplay" with Your Lover. Kissing, caressing her and focus on giving her pleasure.


Calm your breathing, by this I mean that if you start to feel your self "Climaxing", withdraw from Your Lover and breath deeply and slowly. Sex does not have to be rushed. It is not a race. With draw from your lover, kiss and caress her, use your tongue and fingers on her to bring her to orgasm.


You can practice this on your own or with your partner:

Take a deep breath as you feel your climax approaching. This will briefly switch off the ejaculation reflex.

The squeeze technique involves squeezing below the tip of your penis when the climax is imminent for 10 to 20 seconds.

It helps to think about something boring at the same time to take your mind off more exciting things.

During foreplay or intercourse, stopping and starting sexual stimulation helps to lengthen the time taken to reach climax, and can be combined with the squeeze technique.

If you keep practicing and stay relaxed, you should find that the problem disappears.

And finally........

Practice these Kegel exercises for men

PC muscles control the flow of semen and urine, the firmness of your penis during erection and the shooting power of your ejaculation. They are important, and if kept very strong, will see you into your golden years with a fantastical hard on. The great thing about Kegel exercises for men is that you can do them anywhere, any time - and nobody will know the difference.

You will be able to have better sex by being able to better control your orgasms and ejaculations, and last for longer, plus you may get the added kudos of being able to hold up a wet towel with your erection if you practice these Kegel exercises for men.

How Do I Know Where My PC Muscles Are?

The easiest way to find them is to stop your flow of urine next time you go to the bathroom. Another way to isolate them is to put your finger inside your anus; when you contract the right muscles, your anus will tighten. However you decide to find them, once they are found you need to practice feeling exactly where they are located - it is easy to overcompensate for weak muscles by using the abdominal, buttocks or thighs. These must all stay relaxed when doing Kegal exercises for men.
Now, on to the daily Kegel exercises for men.

Note: These exercises are done hands-free. You do not “squeeze” anything with your hands as they are all done with your PC muscles. 

Kegel Session 1

Exercise A

Sets: 3

Quickly clench and release repeatedly for 10 seconds.

Take a 10-second break between sets.

Exercise B

Sets: 10

Clench and release repeatedly for 5 seconds.

Take a 5-second break between sets.

Exercise C

Sets: 3

Tighten and hold your PC muscle for 30 seconds.

Take a 30 second break between sets.

That’s it for today, but repeat these Kegel exercises for men daily for one week.

Kegel Session 2

Exercise A

Sets: 10

Clench and hold your PC muscle for 5 seconds.

Release and repeat.

Exercise B

Sets: 3

Quickly clench and release your PC muscle 10 times.

Exercise C

Sets: 3

Clench and release your PC muscle alternatively in long and short bursts for counts of 10.

Exercise D 

Sets: 1

Tighten your PC muscle and hold for as long as you can. Aim for 2 minutes.

You can do the session 2 Kegel exercises for men for a week; however, feel free to progress if you feel you are strong enough. Remember that these are strengthening exercises, so start off slowly and build up, just like you would with any other muscle.

Kegel Session 3

Exercise A

Sets: 30 (work your way up to more than 100)

Clench and release your PC muscle over and over again.

Exercise B 

Sets: 5

Tighten as much as you possibly can (ensure that you are only squeezing your PC muscle).

Hold for 20 seconds.

Take a 30-second break between sets.

Kegel Session 4

Exercise A 

Sets: As many as you like.

Clench and release your PC muscle for 2 minutes every day.

Work your way up to doing 20 minutes 3 times a day - you should eventually be able to perform 200 repetitions per session.

When Can I Do Kegels?

You can do Kegel exercises for men any time, anywhere; there are very few places you can’t practice this. It is not recommended, however, to do these exercises when you are trying to concentrate on something else, as you may find yourself quite distracted. A great place to do them is on the couch in front of the TV or while stuck at traffic lights.

How Will You Know When Something Is Happening?

You will know because you will be able to feel it, and so will your lover. A harder penis better control and longer lasting sex are all benefits of having strong PC muscles. There is absolutely no excuse for not having these important sexual muscles in excellent working order. If you have trouble with premature ejaculation try these exercises before you head to the pharmacy or your health professional.

What Not To Do

Don’t overdo it. It is often tempting to throw yourself into something head on, especially when it means better sex. However, as with any other muscle you are working out, you need to give it some time to heal between sessions. This means regular rests and not overdoing it. If you follow the exercise schedule as you see fit, you should soon be great -- listen to your body. It knows what it’s talking about!

Don’t use any other muscle during the exercises. It is sometimes difficult to isolate the PC muscles, especially if they are weak. Be aware of what you are doing, and if you feel like you are contracting any other muscles (mainly abdominal's and thighs), then you need to relax and start again. Just remember that it might take a few weeks to build up some strength.

Keep at it.

Your sexual virility is dependent on many factors. Most of these you can control - eating nutritious food, exercising regularly and keeping your prostate healthy. Since your PC muscle is so important to the function of your sexuality, it pays to keep it in good working order. Now you have the means, there’s no room for excuses.

As for penis size, most men "think" they are to small. The average size for a man is between 5" to 7" inches. That is more than enough to pleasure the majority of women. And

I will be honest with you. When you are pleasuring a woman and she is enjoying herself. The very "last" thing she is "thinking" about is your penis size. I can assure you on that matter.

Thank you for contacting Me and that you will find this information is useful for you. 

Please contact me again if you need any further help.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

Now before I wrap up this article I would like to share with you this.


So many of you write such terrific messages to me, and I have to say that the vast majority of those of you who do are total sweethearts. 

I receive many e mails daily.

I do get to answer them all. 

Sometimes it can take me upto 7 days to personally answer you. But that is rare. I usually answer in 4 days.  

So please be patient if I don't get back to you right away.

I will answer your questions within 4 to 7 days at the most.

Thank you to all my readers and those who write to me.

I feel very privileged that you share your trust with me.

Yours Sincerely

Ange Fonce

What are Your thoughts and ideas?

 "Use the Comments box below and "Have Your Say" (even if you disagree with me).  I really appreciate it when people reply with thoughtful comments. Honestly, it makes my day. Either way I will be glad to hear from you."

And as ever...Always leave a man or a woman all the better for knowing you. Average men and women know only the rules. Masculine Men and Feminine Women know and are the EXCEPTIONS!

For Love and Intimacy...

Ange Fonce


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