Social Courting Turning Anxiety Into Excitement
By Ange Fonce
I want to address a question that my male readers of Intimate Communion often ask for advice on and that question is simply this...
"How do I get rid of my anxiety with women?"
Now that is a complex question in fact it is a BIG question that I am going to focus on one part of this problem and I think you are going to get a lot out of this if you listen close.
Here is the question...
"What is the fastest way to force the anxiety out and how do I fight my way past my fear?"
Let me explain it like this...
If you do not already know I am a student of language because we all THINK in language... I grew up speaking English... so all my thoughts are in English and when I think... I am limited to the concepts that the English language is built on... if this sounds strange to you then just think about it this way... in English we put adjectives the words that describe something in FRONT of the word we are describing... so if I say...
"I have got a LONG... HARD... SOLID... sausage roll."
What did you think as you were waiting to get to the sausage roll part?
Your mind had time to make up a lot of stuff there... did it not?
And for many of the languages of the world... adjectives DO NOT come first so people who think with the nouns first do not imagine the same things... okay this is a lot of what NLP or neuro linguistic programming is based on... so let us get back to the question about "forcing the anxiety out" and "fighting past your fear."
What kind of images do those words create in your brain?
Force... fight... all you see is CONFLICT and struggle!
And what you end up doing is FIGHTING something instead of learning how to work WITH its energy... this is the foundational principle of a great many Martial Arts... when force meets force you have a battle of wills AND when you think in terms of conflict and fighting... what must you assume to think that you have a fight?
You must think you have an ENEMY in other words... if I think I have a fight on my hands I simply MUST have an opponent an adversary to fight... when you assume you have to fight anxiety you actually give your enemy more power over you... you start to imagine your enemy in all kinds of detail... you see his armour and his weapons and his intimidating battle stance... you hear his words of doubt whispering in your ear... you feel him holding you back when you see a woman you want to talk to.
Look I will be the first to admit that this fear is VERY real... you do feel it and it does exist... I am not saying it is a figment of your imagination yet what if the fear had nothing to do with courting and meeting up with women... what if it was something else you could actually control... what if you could turn its energy around to HELP you?
This falls under the category of self limiting thinking... because you are giving more power to your enemy by pretending that it is something you need to fight.
What if your anxiety was clown and dressed in a ridiculous outfit?
And he is carrying around a bag of pretzels that he keeps pushing up his nose and every time he tries to talk you out of approaching and meeting up with women he rips a wicked fart... what do you think of your enemy now?
Not so scary now in fact he is downright laughable... here is the most important step you can take to get past your anxiety...
STOP ARGUING FOR YOUR LIMITATIONS...
THE LOSER BOY.
Let me give you another metaphor to work with here...
When I was first starting to learn play drums... I had all kinds of reasons why I thought I would suck at playing them...
My fingers were thick...
My hands were weak...
I was confused by all the drum beats and combinations...
I could not possibly play as good as those men and women I was learning to play with... as I started to learn and apply myself I found that playing drums was actually pretty easy... all my perceived limitations were all wrong.
My thick fingers served me because I could play complicated scales easier than if my fingers were normal sized...
My hands grew stronger in just 4 weeks of playing...
And so on.
What I see is that many men will argue for and give all their power over to the thinking that is holding them back... their own fear of approaching and meeting up with women... their loser boy has control and loser boy when he is arguing for your limitations sounds like this...
"But... I think that women are scared of men... they do not want us to approach them."
"But ... what about the women that just want us to approach to get compliments?"
"But ... I think that women are just being polite when guys approach."
But what about...?
But... But... But...
The list goes on and on.
If you want to you can keep giving your loser boy attitude more and more power by finding reasons to believe in him even more and KEEP coming up with those "buts" or you can accept that arguing for your enemy the loser boy is really holding you back and just agree to not fuel him with any more of your fear... can you imagine how that would change your perception of you fear?
The Winner Man Attitude
By agreeing not give it more fuel by having a loser boy attitude and instead give Winner Man your energy and focus... because you can REFRAME that loser boy anxiety into the EXCITEMENT of a Winner Man Attitude by changing the way you THINK about yourself.
Now is it hard to change the way you think?
Yes... I will be honest with you it can be and depends on how long you have let loser boy run the show... so can you change?
When you have the right tools and methods for REFRAMING that loser boy attitude into a Confident Winner Man Mindset!
When you work with me I will share with you all the methods and techniques that will enable you to do that and to change that loser boy attitude of anxiety into a winning Confident Man Mindset and attitude.
All it takes is one simple step to start making that change in your life starting right Now!
As always... leave a man or woman all the better for knowing you.
Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?
I would love to hear from you.
Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!
Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers
1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.
2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!
3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth!
4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!
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Posted by ANGE FONCE. Posted In : SOCIAL COURTING For Men