Are YOU in one with a Man An
ON OFF Relationship?
By Ange Fonce
He was passionate yesterday and now he wants just to be friends.
I have had that one myself a few times as a Man when I get the lets be friends line from a woman and it sucks!
I am going to start this article with a couple of e mails I regularly receive in my e mail in box from women... read through them and feel what bells ring for you...
I had a man I'd been seeing for about a month - who seemed totally over the moon about me in every way, and who'd been a "friend" and co-worker before we started dating - sit in a chair across the room from me in MY home, and tell me he didn't want to have sex with me anymore. And then, of course, when I agreed to being "just friends" - he almost immediately changed his mind.
I knew he was just scared. I knew he thought he was in over his head. I knew he cared for me but just didn't think he was ready for any kind of commitment. But...knowing all that didn't make me feel any better.
In the space of a month, I'd gone from being a "goddess-like" woman he'd always thought was "out- of-reach" and "out-of-his-league" (he told me that himself) - to a powerless, insecure woman who felt at his mercy.
How did I allow that to happen?
Because - deep down - I FELT "not enough" - and he just tapped right into that and grabbed all the power in the relationship.
It took me years and years to figure out how this was always happening to me - how I'd give up my power in the relationship and let the man run MY emotions. And then it I started working with you Ange and learnt how to STOP that from happening ever again.
From the moment I was able to figure out what I needed to DO and NOT DO from what you were teaching me. How to really take care and value myself - that's when the great men started to show up, and my great new husband not only showed up -he STEPPED UP.
The difference between my husband - who NEVER, for one moment, gave me the feeling that he wasn't sure he wanted me (I was ALWAYS sure he wanted me) - and so many other men, was my sense of my own feminine power.
Thank you Ange from me and Tommy. You "helped" me change my life.
Here is another e mail from Nancy who is enduring a situation you may have experienced where a romance stops being a romance and turns into a friendship and you do not know what to do to get the sexing and attraction back...
I've enjoyed your articles and your website! Thanks!
I wanted to see if you could help me figure out a little thing that's come up with the guy I've been seeing. After 4 intensely romantic months, I got the "I'm not ready for a relationship" speech this past August.
He said he wanted to stay close and intimate friends, though, and I made a choice to stay friends with him because his dad died last year in January, his mother died the year before and he's leaving his job next month.
I don't think I'm being a doormat by saying that's a bit much for someone and also know I'll benefit by focusing more on myself anyway. He calls and emails me every day still. We see each other a couple times a week. He talks about trips he'd like to treat me to - possibly Spain or France in the next year.
It's like we're still together except no "you know what" and I don't stay at his place on weekends.
His birthday is soon, and he's invited me, as a friend (ugh), to go to Leeds to celebrate at the house his mother lived in and it's the last time he'll be there because it's just been sold. The buyer is moving in the following week. When someone is going through the death of their parents, selling their house and changing jobs - how can I be supportive without being unfair to myself?
I did gently tell him a couple weeks ago that I was maintaining this level of closeness in the hopes that we could rekindle our romance at some point, so I'm not lying to him and saying "sure, I'd love to just be your girl buddy!". Should I go to Leeds or any other trip as a "friend" or should I tell him "thanks for the generous offers, but I'd like to wait and travel with you when we're a couple again"?
Thanks so much!"
I know there is not a one of you women who has not fallen for this.
And I do not say fallen as though the man is trying to pull a fast one on you... often he is a decent man who just does not want to let you go because you are such a cool woman and which of us men would not want to be around a woman who LOVES us in a no strings attached way?
And do not fall for the idea that the way to turn this around is to go along with the friend idea as that never works... and if this is what you want for yourself you either be that way from the start or not at all and if you are finding yourself with the same kind of man one after the other who feels good to you and yet he just cannot do HIS part of the job of being in a relationship then consider working with me and together we can find out why you keep getting involved with such men as it will help you stop attracting men who keep hurting you... betraying you or using you and what is more important... help you stop FEELING ATTRACTED to a man you know is not making you feel great about yourself and you just cannot help wanting him.
In Nancys case she probably could tell you that this man she is friends with is not really a good thing for her right now as he makes her feel unsure of herself and he reminds her of all the bad feelings he brought up in her every time they see each other and I am willing to say that when a man rejects you and you are still hanging out and being friends when in fact you still have very real feelings for him you are actually subjecting yourself to hurt and pain as long as you continue to allow him to be just your friend... face it this is a toxic situation for you.
Would you like to learn... exactly how to tell the difference between HIS problems the ones you cannot fix and what you can actually and easily DO to transform even the most TOXIC relationship and fantastic way to finally make the CONNECTION between the kind of Toxic Man you attract and are attracted to and how you see YOURSELF and you will love this exercise as it is fun and incredibly helpful for you because you will learn how you created patterns in your love life that play into the hands of a Toxic Man and learn how to CHANGE it all quickly WITHOUT going back over your whole life and much more.
So why does not being his friend and staying close work to rekindle a romantic relationship?
Here are a couple of scenarios for how this could go...
In one scenario let us say a man would LIKE to have sexing with you and chooses not to because he is having sexing problems and performance anxiety which is pretty common actually and you think the way to get past that would be to be understanding and patient and that is not it at all the totally unfortunate thing about a man having sexing issues is that if you have been exclusively involved with him and he most likely associates his difficulties with YOU and that is disturbing to consider is it not and yet what if I am right here... which I often am when working with couples?
That would mean that his own issues about his sexuality turn YOU into a friend only and then he goes looking for a woman who can be simply an object of desire as you come fully loaded as a complete package and that has way too much energy and commitment around it for a man who fears he cannot perform.
Because notice all the men in the news who go to prostitutes?
Going to a prostitute and paying for sexing is the LEAST scary thing a man can do as there is NO RISK of a RELATIONSHIP there and that leaves any woman who is relationship material out in the cold and you can understand that as much as you like it will not help because man develops this thinking that if he is not functioning properly he would function better with another woman with whom he is NOT emotionally involved in any way and a man whose sexuality is not functioning the way he wants it to will not feel comfortable even with friends with benefits.
Even if he finds you attractive it will not be attractive ENOUGH.
A second scenario might be that something is off for him in the relationship.
Perhaps he senses you leaning forward and it feels like pressure to him and he gets a feeling that you are needy or desperate or clingy or are focusing your whole life and attention and energy on HIM and that just makes him want to run or he may want to keep you around, because you are so cool and because you love him so much... now who would not want that yet he wants to run away from the commitment of a relationship with you and that means running away from sexing too because he KNOWS what sexing means to you... he knows that for you sexing means relationship... being friends though is FINE.
And if you tell him that friends is fine he will start to think he can just add in some benefits and that it will STILL be fine.
If you go along with the thinking that being friends will turn him back on turn you into an object of desire or at least make him feel safe enough to work through his issues you usually end up with an even WORSE scenario and the worst thing that can happen and I know many women who have been through this is where he turns off sexually to you for any reason because he is worried about performing and he is not ready for a relationship as he feels pressured by you or he feels scared or you have been Leaning Forward and something is off for him and he feels like running away... he feels crowded for whatever reason and THEN almost on a whim he turns back on again just enough to have sexing with you and then he turns back off again.
What can turn him back on in this case is how EASY you are and you suddenly get really easy and you seem to drop your wanting of a relationship and he feels you have made peace with just being friends that is when he will turn back on again for quick and easy NO STRINGS ATTACHED SEXING and guess what?
It does not mean anything to him and there is no way on this planet that a man can turn back on to a woman he is turned off of JUST BECAUSE she has sexing with him and once you have agreed to sport sexing then that is the way it is... you are like one of the boys just way more cooler as you are a sexing buddy which is okay if that suits you because there is a lot of women who enjoy sexing without wanting all the baggage a relationship brings to them... take it from me I KNOW... I am a MAN!
Then you have to pretend it was all okay because you DID say it was okay to be friends so you have to stick with that story and that feels worse than awful... that feels like being a disposable item and from that you can never recover the romance.
The only way to turn this around is to stop being friends... stop the relationship and turn YOURSELF into an Object of Desire.
Now you may not want to do that as it may feel like too much work and here is where my personal help and the whole idea of being a Feminine Woman comes in as becoming an object of desire actually REMOVES all the effort as it TAKES AWAY all the work and it turns you and your life into something amazing and desirable that every MAN has to WORK FOR!
Can you see how this turn around is in your own idea of yourself?
That instead of YOU trying to get HIM to be sexing and romantic... you turn YOURSELF and your own life into ROMANCE and that means you cut off all effort instantly you go IMMEDIATELY into Dynamic Courting and get out Social Courting yourself and you let HIM take care of his OWN problems and you let him take care of his sexing issues and his commitment issues and his fear and everything else that could possibly be getting in his way basically you leave him alone to take care of himself.
And when he figures his OWN self out then he will look over at you having this Dynamic Life and do everything in his power to get you back again and you let HIM find YOU and by then you may have met another way BETTER Man and then you will have a CHOICE as he will not be the only game in town.
Now if you are married there are ways to do this exact same thing without leaving him and without actually courting other men and I will talk about that in another article and this may not be the advice you want to hear and yet it is the advice that serves YOU and gives you the best opportunity of getting what you want do not go anywhere with this kind of man because there is no place to go unless all you want is platonic friends and of course once you are platonic friends and he is sure you are okay with that he might introduce sexing as friends with benefits and of course there is just no way you are going to be able to turn this into a romantic committed relationship just by being with him and I have seen this happen over and over again and if you go with the flow you will only be making it easier for him to keep you as a friend.
Here is the scenario you WANT...
You change your attitude and perspective about yourself and about him.
You start to view yourself as the prize and him as the suitor.
You start to FEEL like the PRIZE you are and see him as the poor fellow trying to get to you and you see YOURSELF as the one with the POWER as the one with the CHOICES.
I want you to start Social Courting right now this moment because you deserve the whole package and romantic love all BEGINS with feeling desired and a man who does not desire you is worthless as a romantic partner... a good friend maybe down the line and as a romantic partner worthless so forget about such men.
Fill up your dance card so much you do not have time to take his phone calls or have coffee with him... do not dump him just CROWD HIM OUT and you put him ON HOLD and you do not have to tell him anything unless HE brings it up... you focus on yourself and your own life and I would not even hold on to the idea of having a solid good friendship with him later because you are going to have your own MAN.
You are going to have your very own devoted to you... always wanting to touch you loving and loveable man and he is not going to want you to be friends with some other man.
Just get out Social Courting where a great man can find you.
I know this is tough and I know it is hard line and I want you to have what you REALLY WANT all of it!
Not just hope that things will turn around if you only do this and the time now is to NOT DO ANYTHING about... around or with such guys the time is NOW to open your heart to the man who is looking for you.
If you would like extra help to attract the man you want and finally and forever stop wasting your energy on a man who cannot do the job of relationship for you then I will show you exactly how to BE in order to become the PRIZE an irresistible Feminine Woman.
You will learn the secret to being alluring... attractive and hypnotic WITHOUT chasing a man or waiting around for a man or trying too hard to get him to want you again... I will work with you to teach you to use your natural feminine power to rekindle a mans interest and SHIFT the balance of power YOUR way and not his and alight his natural Masculinity!
And all this is done with words... body language and you being totally confident and genuinely YOURSELF... it is not some fake thing you have to do or manipulation games you have to play as Dynamic Life Development is about getting back to the roots of who you really ARE as a woman and becoming magnetically attractive because you expand your emotions and your vulnerability and know what happens for you with this new perspective!
And practically speaking that completes my conversation for this article.
Have you any thoughts or comments you would like to share with me on what I have written?
I would love to hear from you.
Thank you and may you enjoy a Loving... Prosperous and Dynamic day!
Dynamic Lifer... The Tribe of Dynamic Lifers
1... A person with a penchant for Science... creativity... books... writing... communication... fitness... women... sexing... sexuality... human relationships... psychology... physiology and any other area involving heavy use of the Intellect.
2... A bright person and glamorously Intelligent!
3... Ange is an Author... Speaker and Dynamic Peak Performance Personal Development Consultant... and Humanistic Counselling Psychologist... Sexologist and Multipreneur... who works with those men and women who desire to personally develop themselves and their relationships to become Dynamic Lifers... creators of their own life... relationships and wealth!
4... If you are Happy and you Know it... you are becoming a Dynamic Lifer!
To Speak to Ange and arrange a consultation for what you would like help with CLICK HERE
"Transformation happens when people fall in love with a different version of themselves and their future!"
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Posted by ANGE FONCE. Posted In : SOCIAL COURTING For Women